Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?
by airnaruto45
Summary: All these peolpe want to know: Where in the World is Carmen San Diego? Based on the hit PBS gameshow! Yes I did watch the show a lot as kid so don't get on my case about it.
1. Episode 1: The Waltz Whammy part 1

Where in the World is Carmen San Diego

Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?

Chapter 1: The Waltz Whammy Part 1

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the legal rights to the Carmen San Diego franchise, characters, or the theme song, legal rights to the computer game belong to Broderbund software from 85 to 96 then to the learning software company since 2001, the theme song is property of Rockapella, Sean Altman of the Groove barbers and David Yazbek. All rights to broadcast the show were owned by PBS from 91 to 96 funded by WQED in Pittsburgh and WGBH in Boston paid for by the corporation for public broadcasting.

Show starts in an office with a girl who had brown hair and eyes as well as glasses is sitting at a desk ready to brief the contestants about their mission.

Shelby: Today's episode: The Waltz Whammy. Gumshoes Carmen San Diego's posse of pilferers has pounced again this time they assaulted Australia. In the 18th Century Great Britain made its first claim to the continent. Never mind that it was half way across the globe and the climate was totally different from Britain's it was decided that it would make a good prison colony. In fact many of the prisoners they sent there were only guilty of rebelling against British rule in another place Britain had taken claim of: Ireland so it was no surprise that the early folk heroes of Australia were outlaws. In fact a song about an outlaw has become their unofficial national anthem

Authorpella: _Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda  
"You'll come a-Waltzing Matilda, with me"_

Shelby: That infectious ditty about a sheep wrangler and his bed rolls is as much a national symbol as kangaroos or didgeridoos. It's called Waltzing Matilda. Well gumshoes the song has been stopped.

Scene changes to the Australian outback where an alien who looks like a purple floating face is seen flying around her name is Kneemoi a fugitive alien from the planet Roddenberry and a member of Carmen's gang VILE is seen hovering around a group of people singing Waltzing Matilda only to have her suck up the song out of their memories causing them to stop in confusion and then adding insult to injustice splitting herself into three and playing the song that no one can recognize.

Shelby: Why has it been stopped? Simple because Kneemoi Carmen's evil alien alter cater has erased from the memories of every Australian. They'll be wailing from WagaWaga to Wan gong until the beloved ballad is returned. You're mission gumshoes: Nab Kneemoi, Waltz Matilda back to Australia and then put an end to Carmen San Diego's life of crime.

Crowd in the studio: Applause and cheering

Shelby: The Crook's on the run let justice be done!

Authorpella (Darkmagicianmon, X Prodigy, Ranger24, and Jose Vega): _Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? _

Scene changes to an alley with three toons standing or sitting by the newsstand.

Shelby: And one of these people could find her

From right to left

Jose: Naruto Uzumaki

Crowd cheers

Hoagie P. Gilligan JR.

Crowd cheers

Jose: Kimi Finster (AGU)

Crowd cheers

Now an author is seen walking to the door of ACME Crime net so he can get to work. What is his job and who is he? Simple He is Acme's special agent in charge of training new recruits he wore a pair of white sneakers on his feet, ninja pants that were colored, orange, green, blue, gold, and black, an air bender t-shirt, and a leaf headband on his forehead while on top of his head was a beige fedora. He was 20 years old 5 feet 11 and a half inches tall he had brown hair and eyes this author was me airnaruto45

I go through the alley touching knuckles with the Authorpella gang as Shelby a.k.a. the chief introduces me

Shelby: and this man is special agent in charge of training new recruits airnaruto45

Crowd cheers as I walk through the door

Me: Hey everyone!

I go over to the gumshoes and slap five with them

Me: Hey there Naruto, Hoagie, Kimi listen you guys have heard about the case so let's get started. First off we'll give each of you 50 ACME crime bucks, anytime you answer a question correctly we'll give you 10 more crime bucks and the two of you with the highest scores at the end of this round will move on the next round okay?

Gumshoes: Got it.

Me: Also I want to point out that all answers have been verified and confirmed by National Geographic World.

Authorpella: _National Geographic World_

Me: Go Chief

Shelby appears on the TV monitor

Shelby: Airnaruto, Kneemoi has stolen the Waltzing Matilda and there's no time to waste here's the profile on Kneemoi!

File cabinet opens Kneemoi's file pops out

Authorpella (sings): _MOI MOI knee-knee-knee-knee-knee-Kneemoi  
knee-knee-knee-knee-knee MOI_

Shelby: She's a floating face who came from space to pull a case on the human race and here's what we know so far.

Scene changes back to the chief's desk.

Shelby: According to our agents at ACME filched folk tunes net, Kneemoi took the Waltzing Matilda to an Indonesian island with four long peninsulas where she disguised herself as a fern and blended in at a Torajan funeral. The Toraja people live in the mountains of this island and their funerals are very long affairs with feasting, singing and dancing to entertain the mourners and if she waits for the funeral to end you'll probably manage to catch her Airnaruto.

Me: Thanks chief. Okay gumshoes name the island is it Sumatra, Java, or Sulawesi? (Scene changes to the TV screen where it shows Southeast Asia and three islands labeled) Remember the clues we just heard: Indonesian island with 4 long peninsulas and Toraja people come p with your answers as quick as you can and lay them in front of you okay looks like everyone's ready Naruto what did you say?

Naruto: I chose Sulawesi

Me: What about you Hoagie?

Hoagie: I chose Sulawesi

Me: and Kimi

Kimi: I chose Sulawesi

Me: everyone said Sulawesi everyone's right.

Applause

Score: Naruto 60, Hoagie 60, Kimi 60

Me: So we're off to a good start everyone now has 60 crime bucks for our next clue we…

I hear voices in the alley

Me: Wait a minute that sounds like the unmistakable sounds of scuttlebutt let's check it out.

I go to the door and see Authorpella running around with a taxidermied goat with its head missing.

Me: Hey fellas what's the word on the street?

Ranger: Well Airnaruto the word on the street is Buzkashi.

Me: What the heck is Buzkashi?

Ranger: Well that's the national sport of the country where Kneemoi's trying to hide out. The game is similar to polo except for the fact that instead of a ball two teams on horseback fight over a headless calf or goat carcass and the team that brings the carcass to the winner's circle wins.

Me: Now wait a minute that's not a real goat carcass you're using is it?

Ranger: of course not since US occupation of the country in 2001 Buzkashi has been outlawed due to it being cruel to animals.

Me: That's a relief and thanks for the tip

Ranger: You're welcome oh and if Kneemoi's not here she might have slip through the Kiber pass into Pakistan.

Me: Got it

I head back inside.

Me: It's times like these that make me glad that I'm an animal lover.

(Audience laughs)

Me: Okay gumshoes name the country is it: Afghanistan, India, or Kazakhstan? Remember the clues we heard: Buzkashi a national sport, outlawed by US since occupation in 2001 and Kiber pass leading into Pakistan. Looks like everyone is ready okay Naruto what did you say?

Naruto: I said Afghanistan

Me: Okay Hoagie?

Hoagie: I said Afghanistan

Me: and Kimi?

Kimi: I said Afghanistan.

Me: Once again everyone is right

(Crowd cheers)

Score: Naruto 70, Hoagie 70, Kimi, 70

Me: Man you guys are good everyone is now up to 70 crime bucks for our next clue we got to…

Blub, blub

Me: Wait a minute that sound can only mean one of two things: either the plumbing is going out or it's time for the plastic diver guy.

Authorpella: _He lives a life of danger, our underwater ranger, the one and only plastic diver guy! _

Scene cuts to a fish tank with a figurine wearing a helmet and a red scuba suit.

Me: Yo PDG what's the bubble?

PDG: I saw Kneemoi on an island in the Eastern Tasman Sea. This island was first occupied over a thousand years ago by Polynesian people called Maori then in the 1840s Great Britain laid its claim to the country. Ever since then it has had a huge sheep herding industry and the natural scenery of the country has made it the perfect place to shoot movies and television shows.

Authorpella: No, no oh, no

PDG: Uh-oh Airnauto it's the ominous music that's never a good sign it's…..argh!

The Drain plug gets pulled from the tank and PDG gets sucked down it.

TO BE CONTINUED

Authorpella: _The one and only plastic diver guy!_

Me: Plastic diver guy ladies and gentlemen.

(Audience cheers)

Me: Okay game shoes name the country is it: Tasmania, New Zealand, or Papua New Guinea? Remember the clues we heard from PDG: East Tasman Sea, sheepherding and filming industry and settled by Maori 1000 years ago. Looks like everyone is ready Naruto what did you say?

Naruto: I said Tasmania

Me: Okay Hoagie?

Hoagie: I said New Zealand

Me: and Kimi what about you

Kimi: I said New Zealand

Me: Okay the correct answer we were looking for is New Zealand nice job Hoagie and Kimi.

Cheers

Me: Okay so Naruto you stay at 70 crime bucks Hoagie and Kimi you guys go up to 80 crime bucks and now it's time for one of my favorite parts of the show the lighting round hit me!

(Thunder crashes and lighting flashes)

Me: all these questions are going to be about Kneemoi's most recent know whereabouts which is New Zealand and all correct answers will be worth 5 crime bucks each so hands on your buzzers listen carefully and here we go.

Question 1: According to some Maori legends, New Zealand is the first place you can see what occur is it: See the sun rise, see the kangaroo fights, or Rugby kickoffs?

A buzzer on the far left goes off

Me: Naruto?

Naruto: See the sunrise?

Me: That's correct 5 for you.

Applause

Me: Second question: In 2001 New Zealand was the filming sight of what New Line Cinema movie Trilogy was it: Star Wars, Star Trek, or the Lord of the rings?

Left buzzer

Me: Naruto?

Naruto: The Lord of the rings?

Me: Correct another 5 for you.

Applause

Me: Question three: In my hand I have some kiwi fruit but in New Zealand there is another type of kiwi is it: A fish, a flightless bird, or pig?

Middle buzzer

Hoagie: a fish?

Me: No it's not a fish Kimi or Naruto?

Right buzzer

Me: Kimi

Kimi: a flightless bird.

Me: correct 5 for you

Applause

Me: So after three and the lightning round Naruto and Hoagie have 80 crime bucks each and Kimi has 85 and now for our next clue….

I get cut off because Shelby calls me into her office via the TV screen but for some reason I can't see her because of all the static

Shelby: Airnaruto my office ASAP.

Me: Okay chief looks like something's wrong with in office I'll be right back

I go to the door that has Chief's Office sign on it and go through to find it snowing in the chief's office and she's sitting in there with mittens and a scarf.

Me: Chief what's going on in here it's sowing.

Shelby: I know it's snowing in here. A freak storm has settled over my office Airnaruto I want you to do something for me.

Me: Sure

Shelby: You know what it is?

Me: You bet I'll go get my mittens we'll make a little snowman I've got a carrot in my office I'll be right back.

Shelby: No Airnaruto….

Me: wait even better I'll get a toboggan, make a little snow ramp and we'll use your desk as a launching pad and…

Shelby: Airnaruto

Me: Even better we'll go out to the interstate put a little snow barricade with a little hole and when the cars pass through we can charge them tolls…

Shelby: Airnaruto there will be no snowmen, tobogganing, or snow tolls! Just go back and tell the gumshoes that which ever one of them catches Carmen San Diego will get an all expenses paid trip to anywhere in North America

Applause

Me: Yeah chief we always do that but it would be a shame to let all this snow go to waste. Chief do you want to make snow angels?

Shelby: No! Airnaruto…go away

Me (Furiously): Right

Shelby: and don't slam the…

I slam the door and more snow falls on her

Shelby: door.

Me: Well here's part 1 of my WITWICS parody. I've decided to divide each episode I pick into 3 separate parts for time constraints purposes next time we got to the phone tap, the chase, and the briefing. Read and Review and remember the ACME triangle of excellence: Vigilance, Dedication, and Courage.


	2. The Waltz Whammy part 2

Chapter 2: The Waltz Whammy part 2

Chapter 2: The Waltz Whammy part 2

Me: I wonder why it's snowing the chief's office and yet here in my office it's sunny.

Cardboard sun with a smile pops up

Me: Oh it's Mr. Sunshine folks

Audience laughs

Me: Okay guys remember we're still looking for Kneemoi and the Waltzing Matilda but fortunately ACME bug net has just picked off this phone conversation between Kneemoi and Carmen San Diego watch.

View moves to a split screen phone conversation with Carmen on the left and Kneemoi on the right.

Carmen: ACME is on to you head for the mountains of Morocco south and east of Marrakesh and if you try hide out amongst the Berber women who live there paint yourself with henna.

Kneemoi: What's Henna Carmen?

Carmen: a red dye made from the leaves of the henna plant. The Berber women use it to paint intricate patterns on their hands and feet.

Kneemoi: Which ones are my hands and which are my feet?

Carmen: Why do I even bother on second thought just turn invisible?

Me: Okay gumshoes name the mountains is it: Ahaggar Mountains, Tibetsti Mountains or the Atlas mountains? Remember the clues we heard during the phone tap: In Morocco, south and east of Marrakesh, and Berber women. Looks like everyone is ready and Naruto what did you say?

Naruto: I chose the Atlas Mountains

Me: Okay Hoagie what did you pick?

Hoagie: I picked the Tibetsti Mountains

Me: and Kimi what did you say?

Kimi: I said the Ahaggar Mountains.

Me: the correct answer we were looking for is Atlas Mountains nice job Naruto

Cheers

Score: Naruto 90, Hoagie 80, Kimi 85

Me: Okay guys after that question Naruto has now taken over the lead with 90 crime bucks, Hoagie's still in there with 80, and Kimi not far behind with 85 now for our next clue….

??: Stop that infernal racket right now!

Me: hold on guys that's our upstairs neighbor Mrs. Pumpkinclinger sounds like she has a bee in her bonnet again I'll be right back.

Mrs. Pumpkinclinger in question is just really Jose wearing an ugly dress and speaking with a deep but feminine voice.

Me: Sorry are we bugging you again Mrs. P?

Mrs. P: you're darn right you're bugging me but Kneemoi's is bugging me even more. She's taken Matilda to a nation in Southwestern Africa to the city of Luanda ironically enough even if she played that song in Luanda the residents wouldn't recognize it because they speak Portuguese not English not get going! (Slams the window close)

Me: Thanks (I head back in)

Me: I wonder what Mr. Pumpkin clinger's life is like? Anyway Gumshoes name the African nation is it: Angola, Botswana, or Zambia? Remember the clues we just got from Mrs. Pumpkin clinger: capitol city of Luanda, and residents speak Portuguese. Looks like everyone's ready Naruto what did you say?

Naruto: Angola

Me: Hoagie?

Hoagie: Angola

Me: and Kimi?

Kimi: Angola

Me: everyone said the same thing everyone is right.

Cheers

Me: So that put Naruto at 100 crime bucks, Hoagie at 90 and Kimi at 95 nice ob guys now I just got word that Kneemoi has left Angola so it's time to pick up the chase!

Authorpella (With X and Jose walking by with toy golf clubs and bags chasing after a golf ball) _Oooooooh the chase!_

Me: You get it their chasing the golf ball…never mind all these are worth 5 crime bucks each hands on your buzzers watch the monitor, and listen carefully here we go.

(Camera moves over to the television monitor where we see a portion of the Middle East)

Me: According to our agents Kneemoi Waltzed Matilda to Nicosia what Island is she on?

Buzzer in the middle

Me: Hoagie?

Hoagie: Cyprus

Me: correct 5 for you. From there she rode to Syria what sea did she cross?

Left buzzer

Me: Naruto

Naruto: The Black?

Me: sorry it's Mediterranean. Then she went across Syria's eastern border what country is she in now?

Left buzzer

Me: Naruto

Naruto: Iraq

Me: Correct. She then hid out in the capitol of Jordan name it.

Right Buzzer

Me: Kimi

Kimi: Amman

Me: correct 5 for you. Finally she headed for the Biblical birth place of Jesus Christ name it.

Left buzzer

Me: Naruto

Naruto: Bethlehem

Me: Correct so that means at the end of the chase round Naruto you're still in the lead with 110 crime bucks, Hoagie has 95, and Kimi has 100 give them a big hand you guys.

Applause

Me: Okay now it's time for the last clue which means you have to decide how much you want to risk if you're right we'll add that amount to your score but if you're wrong we'll deduct it from your score you can risk 0,10,20,30,40, or 50 ACME Crime bucks take a look at the monitor please because here is a portion of the world where we think Kneemoi's heading if you know a lot about this part of the world you may want to risk a lot but if you don't you might not want to risk quite so much so take a look at the map and think about it.

Authorpella: _Think about it. How much you gonna risk? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah think about it ooh. _

Me: everyone got their answers ready okay for our final clue we turn to our favorite wad of goop the amazing disgusting glob

Authorpella: _The amazing disgusting glob._

A green glob of slime and gunk is seen rolling around on a stage inside the TV until he rolls forward and cracks the monitor.

(Crack!)

Me: Oh man he cracked the monitor again and oh no he's coming out excuse me while I get something to catch this in. ( I get a trash can and put it under the monitor where the glob is trying to come out.)

Glob (voiced by DM in his best Woody Allen impersonation.): Yo I have a clue for the gumshoes Airnaruto. Kneemoi is an Israeli city considered holy by Jews, Muslims, and Christians but even more strange is that the city is divided into Armenian, Christian, Jewish, and Muslim quarters, I just oozed out of the Saint Stephen's gate and boy is my protoplasm tired (chuckle)

Me: I'm sure it is the glob ladies and gentlemen.

Cheers

Me: Okay gumshoes name the Israeli city is it: Jerusalem, Tel Aviv, or Bethlehem? Remember the clues we heard: city divided between 4 ethnic groups, Saint Stephen's gate, and holy city for Jews, Christians, and Muslims come up with your answers and lay them in front of you now Hoagie you were in last with 90 crime bucks heading into this round before you show me your answer how much did you risk?

Hoagie: I risked 30 crime bucks

Me: Okay you'll take the lead if you're right what did you say?

Hoagie: I said Jerusalem

Me: And that is exactly the answer we're looking for nice job.

Applause

Me: That puts you at 120 Hoagie. Kimi you had 100 crime bucks heading into this round how much did you risk?

Kimi: I risked 40 crime bucks

Me: steep wager ad if you're right you'll take the lead what did you say?

Kimi: I said Jerusalem

Me: and you are correct

Applause

Me: that takes you up to 140 Kimi. Naruto you have been in the lead for most of the game you had 110 crime bucks before you show your answer how much did you risk?

Naruto: I risked 40 crime bucks.

Me: Okay if you're right Naruto then you and Kimi will advance to the next round if you're wrong Kimi and Hoagie will what did you say?

Naruto: I said Jerusalem

Me: And you are correct which means you and Kimi are going on to the next round congratulations

Audience applauds

Me: Hoagie listen you were a great detective but you won't be leaving empty handed we've put together a little kit that will help you in your next case chief.

Shelby: It's the official ACME crime net travel kit and it includes: an atlas, the official Carmen watch, a Carmen t-shirt, a subscription to National Geographic World magazine and for quick reference.. a world basketball (Shelby holds up a basket ball that looks more like a globe and then shoots it over her head and into a basket behind her. Good work.

Back to my office

Me: Thanks chief. Okay guys now we have to go to Jerusalem to find Kneemoi and get the Waltzing Matilda back but I want you guys to know that we don't send our agents out into the field unprepared chief how about a briefing.

Chief's office.

Shelby: The folks at Acme photo recon have put together a few slides on Jerusalem have a look.

A screen with a slide slot pops up from inside the chief's desk and Shelby places a huge slide inside it. The slide reveals the city of Jerusalem from a distance

Shelby: Jerusalem, to Jews it's the city of Abraham and David, to Christians the city of Jesus and the Apostles, to Muslims the city of Mohammed and his followers and to gumshoes the city to find Kneemoi and the Waltzing Matilda.

Next slide shows outside of the Knesset

Shelby: the Knesset Israel's parliament building where laws are made but to Kneemoi the laws are meant to be broken.

Next slide show the house of the book from the inside.

Shelby: The house of the book where the Dead Sea scrolls are kept these documents that were found in caves near the Dead Sea 61 years ago are the oldest and most intact documents of the Jewish and Christian religions. (Kneemoi flies buy in this slide)

Shelby: The Western wall aka the wailing wall this is all that's left of the sacred Jewish temple before it was destroyed by the Romans in 70 AD. Jews come here to mourn and pray for comfort from their pain.

Shelby: The old city is divided into Jewish, Muslim, Christian, and Armenian quarters so stay alert with all that diversity you might not notice a purple blob floating down the street.

Slideshow ends.

Shelby: Well that's your briefing gumshoes now it's time to put your training to the test Kneemoi and the Waltzing Matilda are somewhere in Jerusalem go get em.

Me: Well folks I'll have the jail time challenge and the bonus round up later this week. Who will get the right to attempt to catch Carmen San Diego? Read and review and as always remember the ACME triangle of excellence: vigilance, dedication, and courage. See ya!


	3. The Waltz Whammy part 3

Chapter 3: The Waltz Whammy part 3

Chapter 3: The Waltz Whammy part 3

The gumshoes and I arrive at Jerusalem and in front of them is a board with fifteen locations on them set up with 4 locations each and the first, second, and last rows but only three on the middle row the locations were in that order: on the highest row: The Western wall, The Dome of the Rock, Elon Tower, and the Montifiore windmill. On the second row: Bank Leumi, Saint Stephen's gate, the Armenian quarter, and the bus station. The Third row had: Hebrew university, the Biblical zoo, and the British Consulate. On the final row were: The house of the book, the public library, MEA SHE'ARUM, and the Knesset.

Me: Okay gumshoes here we are in Jerusalem you guys over there behind those ropes where those microphones are and let me show you what we've got. Here are the possible locations where you're going to find Kneemoi, the Waltzing Matilda, and a warrant for Kneemoi's arrest. The first thing you have to find is the loot that's the evidence you need in order to obtain a warrant and once you get the warrant then you can arrest the crook, if you connect all three of those thing in that order in one turn then you get a chance to Carmen San Diego, and if you catch her you'll win the trip to anywhere in North America. One last thing you can pick any location that you want but if you come across the Loot, the warrant, or the crook, you get a free turn got it?

Both: yep

Me: Okay Naruto you were ahead at the end of the last round you go first.

Naruto: House of the book?

Me: House of the book: this where the Dead Sea scrolls ar kept let's see it guys.

The panel with the location name flips over revealing a single foot print.

Me: nothing there we'll turn it back around Kimi your turn.

Kimi: Knesset?

Me: Knesset

Panel turns over to reveal a picture of a piece of paper with the word warrant written in red and all capital letters.

Authorpella: el Boggi!

Me: What?

Ranger: It means the warrant in Hebrew

Me: oh. Anyway nice job Kimi you found the warrant you're going to get a free turn but remember the order is loot, warrant, crook so be careful.

Kimi: Public Library?

Me: Public Library

Panel reveals three foot prints

Me: Nothing there good strategy Kimi we have now uncovered the warrant so we'll turn both back around Naruto your turn.

Naruto: Biblical zoo?

Me: biblical zoo.

Panel turns over to reveal the notes to Waltzing Matilda with the words the loot labeled over them

Authorpella: pilfered ditty.

Me: (Laugh) nice touch guys. Anyway nice job Naruto you found the loot so you're going to get a free turn go ahead.

Naruto: Knesset?

Me: Knesset

Authorpella: El Boggi!

Me: Okay Naruto you have the loot, and the warrant you just need to find Kneemoi do you know where she is?

Naruto: The dome of the rock?

Me: Is Kneemoi at the dome of the rock?

The panel reveals two footprints

Me: No she's not we'll turn all of them back around Kimi your turn

Kimi: Biblical zoo?

Me: biblical zoo

Authorpella: Filched folk tune

Kimi: Knesset

Me: Knesset

Authorpella: El Boggi

Kimi: and the British consulate

Me: Okay is Kneemoi at the British consulate?

Panel reveals another three footprints

Me: No she's not turn them around Naruto your turn.

Naruto: Biblical zoo

Me: biblical zoo

Authorpella: tension's mounting

Me: yes it is Naruto go ahead

Naruto: Knesset

Me: Knesset

Authorpella: The warrant

Me: Okay Naruto what will it be can you find Kneemoi?

Naruto: The Western wall?

Me: Is Kneemoi at the western wall?

Panel reveals Kneemoi's wanted poster

Authorpella: Kneemoi…you've won (fanfare)

Me: You did it my man (confetti pours down on Naruto as he gets excited.)

Come over here buddy now there's only one left to do to Kneemoi now (a chain with a green ring is lowered from the ceiling) pull on this chain Naruto and put her in jail.

Naruto: you got it (pulls the chain a fog horn sound is heard)

Scene changes to Kneemoi in front of a cell wall as the door is closed with her behind it.

Authorpella: Kneemoi's in jail!

Applause

Me: Naruto you did a great job finding Kneemoi and listen Kimi you were a great detective you tracked Kneemoi all the way here and we have something very special for you Chief.

Shelby's office

Shelby: A gumshoe's beat is the whole world and world beat is the music of the 2000s so we're giving you a collection of world music CDs plus this bonus CD filled with great hits from Authorpella including our theme song, and we've all chipped in to buy this portable CD player for all your hard work congratulations.

Applause

Scene returns to me and Naruto

Me: Thanks chief okay Naruto right I have some paper work for you in this portfolio inside is a piece of paper and a pen I want you to write down where you would like to go if you catch Carmen San Diego and get that trip do it.

Authorpella while Naruto is writing down where he would like to go: _Think about it where do you want to go? Think about it think whoo! _

Me: Hmm that's a new one but then again I don't know. Anyway all we need to do now in order for you to get there is to catch Carmen San Diego but the problem is we don't know where she went….

I get cut off by a telephone ringing so I pick it up

Me: And I think this phone call will have something to do with that. Hello yes he's right here hold on a sec. It's for you.

I hand Naruto the phone.

Naruto: Hello

Kneemoi: Gee, another amazing Earth concept jail. I must show this to Carmen look for her in Africa.

Me: What did she say?

Naruto: We're going to Africa okay pal looks like you and I are going to Africa chief.

Chief's office

Shelby: Here's a list of places Carmen may have traveled: Morocco, Liberia, Ivory Coast, Algeria, Egypt, Botswana, South Africa, Ethiopia, Eretria, Angola, Nigeria, Congo, Madagascar. Airnaruto let's go to the map!

Authorpella: I feel good

The scene changes to a huge map of Africa where Naruto and I come running to the middle of it with the crowd cheering.

Me: Okay Naruto this is what's it all about and you know what this is right?

Naruto: Believe it!

Me: Let explain to those who may not know: What you have to do now is track Carmen San Diego through eight different countries identifying each with a marker if you're right you will hear this sound.

Siren blares

Me: But if you're wrong you will hear this sound.

Buzzer.

Me: Now this is important if you're wrong twice on one marker leave the marker where you last put it come on back and we'll continue but if you're right 8 times in 45 seconds or less then you'll win that trip but remember no Jutsu allowed got it?

Naruto: Got it.

Me: Sound good to you guys?

Audience: Yeah

Me: Okay Naruto let's get started come over here and grab a marker (the markers are those blue poles with the headlights on top of them and that rounded area on the bottom to identify the country. Let's put 45 seconds up on the clock. Good luck Naruto on your mark, get set, go! Carmen went to Eretria.

45, 44, 43, 42

Siren blares

Me: That's one come on back

41, 40, 39,

Me: Carmen went to Egypt.

Siren blares

Me: That's two

38, 37, 36, 35

Me: Carmen went to Sudan

34, 33, 32

Siren blares

Me: That's three

31, 30, 29

Me: Carmen went to Congo

28, 27, 26

Siren blares

Me: That's four.

25, 24, 23

Me: Carmen went to Nigeria

22, 21, 20

Siren blares

Me: That's five

19, 18, 17

Me: Liberia

16, 15

Siren blares

Me: That's six

14, 13, 12

Me: Angola hurry this will be seven

11, 10, 9

Siren blares

Me: That's seven!

8, 7, 6, 5

Me: Carmen went to Ivory Coast

4, 3, 2, 1,

Siren blares just as the clock hits 0

Me: Did he make it judges?

Louder siren blares

Me: Yes he did you did it buddy!

Naruto looks tired but excited that he did it just in time.

Scene changes for a second to a newspaper with the headline reading "Naruto Uzumaki captures Carmen." Before returning to me and Naruto in the middle of the map with the portfolio.

Me: Way to go buddy how do you feel?

Naruto: Great!

Me: I'm sure you do a few moments ago you wrote down where you wanted to go if you caught Carmen San Diego and you did that means you and a guardian are going to...(I open the portfolio to reveal Louisiana)

Me: New Orleans, Louisiana!

Crowd cheers

Authorpella: Let's get packing

Me: Nice choice buddy now listen you've done a lot of hard work toady but there's one more thing you have to do you know what it is…

Naruto: yep.

Everyone: DO IT AUTHORPELLA!

Authorpella: Scatting

DM: _Well, she sneaks around the world from Kiev to Carolina;  
she's a sticky-fingered filcher from Berlin down to Belize.  
She'll take you for a ride on a slow boat to China. Tell me_

X and Ranger: _Where in the world is…_

Jose: _Carmen San Diego?_

Ranger: _Steal their Seoul in South Korea, Make Antarctica cry "Uncle," from the  
Red Sea to Greenland, they'll be singing the blues.  
Well they never Arkansas her steal the Mekong from the jungle. Tell me_

Jose: _Where in the world is…_

X and Ranger: _Carmen San Diego?_

X, Ranger, and DM: _She goes from Nashville to Norway, Bonaire to Zimbabwe,  
Chicago, to Czech and Slovakia and back!_

Ranger and DM: _Well, she'll ransack Pakistan, and run a scam in Scandinavia,  
and then she'll stick 'em up down under and go pick-pocket Perth.  
She put the "Miss" in misdemeanor when she stole the beans from Lima. Tell me_

Ranger and X: _Where in the world is…_

Jose: _Carmen San Diego?_

Ranger: _Oh tell me…_

All four now head from the alley over to the map while singing the song and everyone leaves the seats to join in on the dancing on the map

All four: _Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? (7 times)_

Scene changes to the Chiefs office where Shelby is singing to the tune and dancing a little bit before she turns to the camera and says…

Shelby: this is Shelby Pytlak speaking for "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" And remember where ACME treads the bad guys stammer because they fear a bunk bed in the slammer. (Then she returns to dancing)

Scene changes back to the dance group on the map before fading to black

Episode complete.

Me: Well that's it for this episode and one other thing I forgot to put in the disclaimer: I don't own the legal rights of the characters that I choose as gumshoes they are owned by their respected creators and remember read and review. Also remember: Vigilance, dedication, and courage see ya next episode.


	4. Episode 2: The Feckless Felons of Fenway

Chapter 4: Episode Two the Reckless Felons of Fenway part 1

Chapter 4: Episode Two the Reckless Felons of Fenway part 1

Audience cheers

Shelby: All these people want to know…

Authorpella: _Where in the world is…._

Jose_: Carmen San Diego?_

Scene changes to the Chief's office where a few dozen gumshoes are sitting in front of her desk

Shelby: And one of these gumshoes could find her.

From right to left Jose announces the gumshoes names, where they've traveled to and their hobbies.

Jose: He's been all over North America, with his cousin and grandfather, plays soccer and collects sumo slammer cards, meet Ben Tennyson.

Applause

Jose: She's been to Paris, Las Vegas, NYC, and all over the lower 48 United States, her hobbies include gossiping, and singing meet Angelica Pickles.

Applause

Jose: She enjoys Math and Science and her hobby is fencing meet Phoebe Hyerdahl

Applause

Scene changes to the alley where a three legged race is going on with DM and Dimension dude the new vocal percussionist winning followed by Jose and X with Ranger and I having to turn to the office door so we can get the show started.

Shelby: And here's Acme's senior agent in charge of training new recruits: Airnaruto45

Applause

I go to the gumshoes with Ranger slap five with them and introduce Ranger to them

Me: Hey everyone! Hey Phoebe this Ranger, Yo Angelica this is Ranger, Ben, this is Ranger. Thank you so much and listen they're with me every day. (I point to the rest of Authorpella who was currently outside the window.)

Ranger: Ranger24!

Me: And the rest of Authorpella

Applause

Me to the gumshoes: And I just want to remind you guys that if one of you catches Carmen San Diego today you'll get that free trip to anywhere in North America and that is not bad.

Applause

Me: So let's get this thing started with the very first thing because it works better that way. Chief who're we after?

TV monitor changes to a wanted photo of two guys one with black hair, black sunglasses and white clothes while the other was grey skinned had white hair, white sunglasses and clothes this despicable duo is known as Double Trouble.

Shelby: This is Double Trouble

Authorpella: _Double Trouble (Trouble)_

Shelby: They're unsportsmanlike look-a-likes who lift loot for Carmen San Diego. They're last known whereabouts: Boston, Massachusetts.

Scene changes to the chief's office

Shelby: Boston is home to perhaps the oldest stadium in the history of Major League baseball: Fenway Park. Red Sox fans have been appearing at Fenway since it first opened back in 1903. However unlike most baseball stadiums Fenway has some very peculiar elements to it. For example: The 20 foot high wall the stretches from left field all the way to straight away centerfield aka the green monster which is more than guaranteed to rob somebody of a home run while at the base of the wall is its hand operated scoreboard making this ball park one of the only remain pre-depression stadiums to still rely on manual operation. Of course the Red sox fans did have to wait over 70 to get another World Series title in 2004 after the last title they won back in 1918 but since then the Sox added another title to their resume last year. Fenway has also been the starting point of the careers of some of the greatest baseball stars of all time including: Roger Clemens, Babe Ruth, Ted Williams, and Wade Boggs just to name a few. I would really love to visit that place someday but now I'm ticked off!

Scene changes to outside Fenway Park

Shelby: Because those half-pint hooligans Double Trouble boogied their way into Boston and stole the entire ballpark. The Monster, the bullpens, the seat, they're all gone. Gumshoes you have a job to do. Save Fenway Park before it's destroyed by those…

Authorpella: Whoo-Oooh

Shelby: Reckless Felons of Fenway

Applause

Me: Okay gang we're trying to find Double Trouble and Fenway park to begin we'll give you 50 ACME Crime bucks and anytime you answer a question correctly we'll give you 10 more crime bucks and the two of you with the highest scores at the end of this round will advance to the next round. So let's get started with our first clue which comes from our informant from ACME Sannin net it's the pervy sage Jiriaya.

The TV monitor changes to reveal Jiriaya's face as he gives the clue. Jiriaya is an old man wearing a kabuki style outfit, he had long white hair, and a headband with the Japanese symbol for oil on his forehead also he was a super pervert

Jiriaya: Okay you brats…I mean gumshoes: Double Trouble are for an Austrian city near the German border. It was the birthplace of Wolfgang Alp adieus Mozart one of the most famous composers of the early 19th century and many Jewish refugees escaped from this city by passing through the Alps during the Second World War when the Nazis took over Austria. This was also the city where the Broadway play and movie Sound of Music was set in. That's all the info I've got so go bust those troubling twins and close the book on this case as for me I'm going to catch up on some research. (Giggles)

Me: You know if he wasn't such a pervert I would have a whole lot more respect for him.

Audience laughs

Me: Okay gumshoes name the Austrian city is it: Zurich, Salzburg, or Vienna? Remember the clues we just got from the perverted hermit: Austrian city near the German border, birthplace of Mozart, and setting to Sound of Music. Come up with an answer as quick as you can trying to find Double Trouble and Fenway Park, looks like everyone is ready Phoebe what did you say?

Phoebe: I said Salzburg

Me: Okay Angelica (AGU)

Angelica: I said Vienna

Me: And Ben?

Ben: I said Salzburg

Me: Okay the correct answer we were looking for is Salzburg nice job Ben and Phoebe

Crowd cheers

Me: So that brings Phoebe to 60 Angelica you stay at 50, and Ben you go up to 60 crime bucks nice job guys. Now I want you guys to meet a good friend of mine Hank the stool pigeon.

I walk over to a stool and sitting on it is stuffed pigeon that has been dead for 6 years but I still think he's alive.

Me: Hey there Hank do you have any clues for me today huh do you buddy?

Shelby appears on the screen

Shelby: Airnaruto when are you going to get through your thick skull that that bird has been dead for 6 years and will not respond to any of your sweet talking.

Me to Hank: Don't listen to her we're not going to believe that are we Hank? No we're not do you have any clues for me buddy? You do? Great! Here's your supper (I place a worm next to Hank before I walk back to my normal post with the clue) Okay it's says that Double Trouble are hiding out on an island in the South Pacific about halfway between Tahiti and Chile that's shaped like a triangle with a volcano in each corner and it was once believed to be part of an ancient civilization that sank into the ocean. Hmm that's a lot for one clue anyway; gumshoes name the Island is it: Fiji, Easter Island, or Hawaii; remember the clues we just heard: In the South Pacific, halfway between Tahiti and Chile and shaped like triangle, and once thought to be part of an ancient civilization looks like everyone's ready okay Phoebe what did you say?

Phoebe: I said Fiji

Me: Okay Angelica?

Angelica: I said Easter Island

Me: Okay and Ben?

Ben: I said Easter Island

Me: well the correct answer we were looking for is Easter Island nice job Angelica and Ben

Applause

Me: Okay that brings the scores to Phoebe at 60, Angelica at 60 and Ben at 70 crime bucks nice job now for our next….

Blub, blub, blub, blub

Me: Wait a minute that can only mean one of two things either: My uncle Keith is smoking on a bubble pipe again or it's time for the plastic diver guy!

Authorpella: _go, go, go!_ _He lives a life of danger, our underwater ranger, the one and only plastic diver guy! _

The scene changes to me kneeling near the fish tank.

Me: Yo PDG where've you been?

PDG: There I was wading my way through the North Mediterranean when I spotted Double Trouble. They're in a country that gave the USA a huge present in 1884: The statue of liberty. The twins were snacking on some the country's most peculiar foods: marinated snails, broiled frog legs, and pastries stuffed with Goat cheese.

Me: Sounds like they were really chowing down.

Authorpella: _Oh, no, no, no, no, no, _

PDG: Uh-oh Airnaruto it's the ominous music again that means, that means AAAAAH! (A giant lobster claw descends into the tank and grabs PDG)

TO BE CONTIUED

Authorpella: _The one and only plastic diver guy!_

Me: Plastic Diver guy ladies and gentlemen.

Applause

Me: Okay gumshoes name the country that Double Trouble took the park to be it: France, Liberia, or Libya? Remember the clues we heard: Gave the statue of liberty to the US in 1884, North Mediterranean coast, and foods, include, broiled frog legs, marinated snails, and pastries stuffed with goat cheese. Looks like everyone's ready Phoebe what did you say?

Phoebe: France

Me: Okay Angelica?

Angelica: France

Me: And Ben

Ben: France

Me: Everyone said the same thing and everyone is right nice job

Applause

Me: So after 3 rounds Phoebe and Angelica have 70 crime bucks each and Ben has 80 nice job guys.

Lighting and thunder sounds

Me: Okay guys that means only one thing: it's time for the lightning round which means all of these questions will be about Double Trouble's most recent known where abouts which France each correct answer gets you 5 crime bucks so hands on your buzzers and listen carefully here we go. Question 1: During the 1800s a diminutive individual took the throne of France and then crowned himself the holy roman emperor who ruled for 11 years of conflict, conquering and eventually banishment was this man: Napoleon, Alexander the great, or Caesar?

Middle buzzer

Me: Angelica

Angelica: Napoleon?

Me: That's correct.

Applause

Me: Question 2. On the outskirts of Marseilles a palace of the same name was built as the home of French king during the 1630s was this king: King Henry the 8th, King Louis the 14th, or King Arthur?

Right buzzer

Me: Ben?

Ben: Louis the 14th?

Me: correct five crime bucks for you.

Applause

Me: Question three: The country of France celebrates the anniversary of the ending of the French Revolution every July 14th is the holiday called: Columbus Day, Versailles day, or Bastille Day?

Left buzzer

Me: Phoebe

Phoebe: Bastille Day.

Me: That is correct

Applause

Me: so after three and the lightning round Phoebe and Angelica each have 75 crime bucks and Ben still in the lead with 85 now for our next clue.

The TV monitor changes to the chief's office with the phone ringing and a recording of the chief's voice calling me in.

Phone rings

Me: excuse me guys I have to go answer the phone

The scene changes to the chief's office when I enter and hear the phone ring.

Me: Chief? Chief. Well I may not know where the chief but I better answer the phone. (I pick up the phone) Hello ACME Crime net.

Shelby's voice: Hello this is your chief.

Me: Hi chief I was wondering where you were…

Shelby: I'm not available at this time due to classified information and have left these taped voice mail instructions please dial 1 to continue.

Me: Voice mail. I love voice mail (I dial 1 and then pick up a paper on the chief's desk) I wonder what this is…

Shelby: Please don't touch any of my papers listen up!

Me: Sorry

Shelby: First question: How close are you to capturing Carmen San Diego? (I wince at that question) Dial 1 for: we got her, 2 for: we're extremely close, or 3 for as usual: She's evaded us three times in a row and made us look like dopes.

Me: I guess that would be 3.

I dial 3

Shelby: Well I'm not surprised. Second question: How should we encourage the gumshoes to work harder? Dial 1 for threaten to fire them (I make a face that says what that's harsh!), 2 for poke them with stick (I shrug thinking that could be fun), or 3 for offer the one who throws her in the slammer a free trip to where ever they want in North America? (Applause)

Me: Hmmm. Tough choice I'm going to choose 3

I dial 3 again

Shelby: good inform the gumshoes third question: How should I terminate our discussion? Dial one for tell you that you're a great guy, 2 for offer you a raise and a big office, or 3 for set you up with my gorgeous cousin Gladys?

I smile on all three options

Me: I'll go with three the charm.

I dial 3

Shelby: I thought you'd choose that one. Airnaruto go away.

I hang up.

Me: I don't need her I'll just dial information and get Gladys's number myself.

I dial information

??: Hello Information.

Me: Yes I'm looking for Gladys?

Voice: Gladys who?

Me: The chief's gorgeous cousin.

Voice: Who's calling?

Me: This is Airnaruto

I realize that it's Gladys on the other line.

Gladys: Airnaruto.

Me: Yeah

Gladys: Go away.

I hang up and leave the office.

Me: sheesh I can't even get my boss's fictional cousin to go out with me. Well anyway next time the phone tap, the chase, the briefing, and the jail time challenge so until next time read and review folks.


	5. The Feckless Felons of Fenway Part 2

Chapter 5: Reckless Felons of Fenway part 2

Chapter 5: Reckless Felons of Fenway part 2

I come out of the chief's office with a slightly depressed look on my face.

Me: Well u can't win them all.

I return to my post

Me: Okay gang remember we're still looking for Double Trouble and Fenway park now fortunately for us ACME bug net has just intercepted this phone conversation between Double Trouble and Carmen San Diego watch.

The phone tap between Carmen and Double Trouble Carmen on the left side of the screen and Double Trouble on the right side of the screen.

Carmen: Boys those ACME goons are on to us where have you been?

Double Trouble: Now chill out Carmen we took the Red Sox bullpen ice skating in West Africa.

Carmen: Ice in West Africa? Who do you think you're kidding?

Double Trouble: Not you boss lady we're at the Hotel Iviore in Abidjan home of West Africa's first ice rink.

Carmen Abidjan? That's just five degrees north of the equator.

Double Trouble: Yep isn't modern refrigeration amazing listen Carmen we'll shake ACME after we practice our quadruple axel.

Me: Okay gumshoes name the country is it: Liberia, Sierra Leone, or Cote d Iviore? Remember the clues we just heard: Abidjan, West Africa, and five degrees north of the equator. Looks like everyone's ready Phoebe what did you say?

Phoebe: I said Cote d Iviore.

Me: Okay Angelica.

Angelica: Cote d Iviore

Me: and Ben

Ben: I also said Cote d Iviore.

Me: Man you guys are amazing and you're all right again.

Applause

Me: So that brings the score to Phoebe and Angelica with 85 crime bucks each and Ben still holding the lead with 95 now for the next clue…

Dimension dude: Hey Airnaruto come here.

Me: sounds like a little word on the street.

I head out to the alley and see Ranger wearing a clown costume

Me: Hey Ranger.

Ranger: hey Airnaruto.

Me: So what's the word on the street?

Ranger: Well Airnaruto the word on the street is exploding pants.

Me: Now wait a second I never signed anything involving exploding pants

Ranger: Relax buddy you don't have the exploding pants. (The rest of Authorpella comes out wearing the floppy shoes, red noses, colorful wigs, and other clown props)

Me: So what's with all the clowning around?

Ranger: Well Double Trouble are in a southern US city on the eastern shore of the Gulf of Mexico where you'll find the headquarters of the Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Clown College.

Me: Wait a second you mean to tell people can actually go to school learn how to clown around?

Ranger: You betcha students at Clown College learn a variety of things like: juggling.

Me: I can do that. (A set of juggling balls are thrown at me and juggle them all while listening to Ranger's explanation)

Ranger: They also learn gymnastics.

Me: I don't do that.

Ranger: Can't do that huh? (Dimension dude cartwheels by us)

Me: But he does.

Ranger: Comedy.

Me: Don't do that. (Jose stops and his rubber tie hits him in the face) That was good.

Ranger: and of course the classic pie throwing.

Me: I love the pie throwing. (DM and X stop and each throw a pie at the camera) Oh that was good.

Ranger: Well each year thousands of students apply for Clown College but only 30 of them manage to get in.

Me: Good to know but could you do one favor for me?

Ranger: what?

Me: Can you take these since I can't do it through the door.

Ranger takes the balls back

Ranger: Oh of course

I walk back inside and realize something.

Me: You know the strange thing is they never did tell me who had the exploding pants…

As I say that BOOM!

Jose comes in screaming with his butt smoking while the rest of Authorpella come running in with fire extinguishers, spray bottles, and a long garden hose just to try and put Jose's butt out.

Me: It was Jose but he's okay.

Applause and cheers

Me: Okay gumshoes name the US city where Double Trouble have taken Fenway Park is it: Lake Charles Louisiana, Corpus Christi, Texas, or Nokomis, Florida? Remember the clues we just heard: Eastern shore of the Gulf of Mexico, South Eastern United States and Clown College. Looks like everyone is ready Phoebe what did you say?

Phoebe: I said Nokomis

Me: Okay Angelica?

Angelica: I said Corpus Christi

Me: And Ben?

Ben: I chose Nokomis

Me: The correct answer is Nokomis nice job Phoebe and Ben

Applause

Me: Okay so Phoebe goes up to 95, Angelica stays at 85 and Ben goes up to 105 crime bucks but now I've received word that Double Trouble have left Nokomis so we better pick up the chase.

Authorpella: _Ooh The chase!_

In this chase Jose is still running with his butt smoking and the other guys still trying to put it out.

Me: The exploding pants joke. Anyway all correct answers will be worth five crime bucks so hands on your buzzers watch the monitor listen carefully and here we go. Double Trouble flew Fenway to the country that's home to the Suez Canal name it.

Right buzzer

Me: Ben

Ben: Egypt

Me: correct. They then headed south to the city of Khartoum what country are they in now?

Left buzzer

Me: Phoebe

Phoebe: Sudan

Me: Right. They then headed east to Djibouti what country did they have to pass through to get there?

Right buzzer

Me: Ben

Ben: Ethiopia

Me: right. They then went South by Southeast to the next country name it.

Middle buzzer

Me: Angelica

Angelica: Somalia

Me: Right. Finally they flew Southwest to Uganda what country did they pass through?

Right buzzer

Me: Ben

Ben: Kenya?

Me: that's right so that means at the end of the chase round Phoebe has 100 crime bucks, Angelica has 90 crime bucks, and Ben has widened the lead with 120 crime bucks nice job guys.

Applause

Me: Okay guys now it's time for the final clue of this round which means you have to decide how much you want to risk if you're right we'll add that amount to your score but if you're wrong we'll subtract it from your score. You can risk: 0, 10, 20, 30, 40, or 50 ACME crime bucks take a look right here at the monitor please. Here is a portion of the world where we think Double Trouble are heading now if you know a lot about this part of the world you might want to risk a lot but if you don't you might not want to risk quite so much so take a look at the map and think about. (The map shows Turkey with three major cities labeled)

Authorpella: _Think about it how much you gonna risk yea, yea, yea, yea, think about it ooh_

Me: Okay for our final clue we turn to…

I get cut off this time by a knock on the door (knock, knock, knock)

Me: I'm not really expecting anyone I might as well see who it is.

I open the door to reveal Ranger wearing a different set of clothes which include: a black fedora, navy blue trench coat, black khaki pants, and a yellow shirt but strange thing is he has a small train going through his chest.

Ranger: Aaaah!

Ranger walks to the middle of the floor where a chalk outline for a dead victim's body is before he collapses and dies.

Me: I think we have a situation here. (I go over to where he is and pick him up a bit to see if he has any clues) Okay buddy what happened?

Ranger: I saw Double Trouble they were in Lira. (Passes out)

Me: So they're in Italy?

Ranger: No Turkish Lyre they're in city that's in both Europe and Asia. (Passes out again)

Me: We need more info buddy don't die on us yet.

Ranger: The city was first called Byzantium and then later called Constantinople…Oh mama!

Me: NOOOOOOO!

Ranger: Airnaruto I'm okay

Me: Ladies and gentlemen Ranger24 the dying informant is alive Hallelujah!

Audience cheers

Me: Man pal that was good.

Ranger: Thanks

Me: But still not to be rude but umm….say what happened to your chest?

Ranger: These commuter trains are murder.

We pose and a rim shot follows audience laughs and then applauds as Ranger heads back out the door.

Me: Okay gumshoes name the city where Double Trouble have taken Fenway Park is it: Ankara, Istanbul or Izmir? Remember the clues we heard: Turkish Lyre, in both Europe and Asia, and once called Byzantium and Constantinople. Come up with your answers and them lay them in front of you and it looks like everyone's ready Angelica you had 90 crime bucks going into this round before you show me your answer how much did you risk?

Angelica: I risk 40 crime bucks

Me: This will put you back in the game if you're right what did you say?

Angelica: I said Istanbul.

Me: And that is the answer we're looking for good work

Applause

Me: That takes your total to 130 Angelica. Phoebe you had 100 crime bucks heading into this point how much did you risk?

Phoebe: I risked 10 crime bucks

Me: kind of small but it will take you to 110 if you're right what did you say?

Phoebe: I said Istanbul

Me: You're also correct.

Applause

Me: That puts you're total at 110. Ben you've been in the lead for about the whole game you came into this round with 120 crime bucks how much did you risk?

Ben: I risked 50 crime bucks

Me: ooh if you're right then you and Angelica will go on to the next round but if you're wrong then Phoebe and Angelica will what did you say?

Ben: I said Istanbul

Me: and you are right that takes you to an all time record of 170 crime bucks and puts you and Angelica in the next round congratulations. (A/N: The most crime bucks attained by any gumshoe in a single episode is 160 happened in the Brazilian Lingo sting)

Applause

Me: Phoebe listen you were a great detective but don't worry we've assembled a kit that will help you on your next case chief.

Shelby: It's the official ACME crime net travel pack and it includes: an atlas, the official Carmen watch, a Carmen tee shirt, a subscription to National Geographic World magazine and this ACME voice identification badge and leave a message wallet.

I take the chief out of the TV screen and put her portable screen under my arm.

Shelby: Be careful Airnaruto.

Me: Sorry chief. Okay guys time to hit the road to Istanbul. Ben you get the door Angelica you get my hat and we are out of here.

We leave the office then the scene changes to an old black and white movie scene of us getting to Istanbul via a loge sled with Shelby and I doing a brief voice over.

Shelby: Airnaruto are you sure the gumshoes will be fine?

Me: Don't worry chief I have them glued to their seats for safety!

Scene changes to a sign that says "Istanbul" and then we show up.

Me: Okay guys here we are in Istanbul you go over there, I go here and the chief go in here she'll be briefing you before we begin. (I put the portable office screen into the board hit a button on the side and the chief pops up in her office.)

Shelby: Gumshoes there are 15 places here in Istanbul where you might find Double Trouble, the warrant, or Fenway Park lets look at few of them.

The Scene changes to the outside of the Topkapi palace the home and mansion of the sultans of the Ottoman Empire, it was said that they bathed their treasures in rich smelling perfumes to make them rich on the eyes and the nose.

The Scene changes to a bazaar with many carpets hanging up on the roofs.

Shelby: The bazaars of Istanbul are known for their fine carpets and you know how much Double Trouble like to cut a rug so check here. That's your briefing gumshoes head into Istanbul and bring back those Bosox and their ballpark and bring in Double Trouble.

Me: Will do chief. (I hit the button again and the board returns to its normal self) Okay guys I just want to remind you that you have to find the loot, the warrant, and the crooks in that order in a single turn and if you do that you get a chance to try and catch Carmen San Diego and if you catch her you win the trip. Ben you were ahead at the end of the last round you go first.

The locations on the board on the top row are: Old City, Ceramics shop, Pera, and St. Sophia. On the second row are: Sofa, Pera Palas, Spice bazaar, and the hippodrome. On the third row are: the Grand covered bazaar, the Galata bridge and the military museum. On the bottom row are: the bus station, Cinema district, Topkapi palace, and the Faith mosque.

Ben: Military museum?

Me: The military museum

The panel reveals a picture of Fenway Park with the words the loot on a label above it.

Authorpella: Burgled ballpark.

Me: Nice job Ben you found the loot you get a free turn go ahead.

Ben: The bus station?

Me: The bus station

The panel reveals two footprints

Me: nothing there but you have uncovered the loot that's good we'll turn them back around your turn Angelica.

Angelica: military museum

Me: military museum

Authorpella: missing monster

Me: and you get free turn

Angelica: St. Sophia

Me: St. Sophia.

The panel reveals Double Trouble's wanted poster

Authorpella: Double Trouble (Trouble)

Me: Okay you found the loot and you've found Double Trouble but remember Angelica the order is: loot, warrant and then crook so be careful

Angelica: Bus station

Me: Bus station. Nice strategy we turn all three back around and we now know where Double Trouble are Ben your turn.

Ben: Military Museum?

Me: Military museum

Authorpella: Swiped Sox

I laugh

Me: Nice touch boys go ahead Ben.

Ben: Pera?

Me: Pera

The panel reveals a single foot print

Me: Nothing there turn them back around still trying to find that warrant Angelica your turn.

Angelica: military museum

Authorpella: filched Fenway

Angelica: Sofa

Me: Sofa

The panel reveals two foot prints

Me: Nothing there still trying to find the warrant turn them back around Ben your turn.

Ben: military museum

Authorpella: Pressures building

Me: Yes it is free turn Ben

Ben: the cinema district

Me: The cinema district

The panel turns over to reveal a whit piece of paper with the word warrant on it in all capital letters and red ink

Authorpella: The warrant.

Crowd cheers.

Me: Oh! Ben you have the loot, you have the warrant do you remember where Double Trouble are?

Ben: St. Sophia

Me: Are they still at St. Sophia?

Authorpella: Double Trouble (Trouble)

Me: Yes!

Authorpella: You're out! (Fanfare and confetti pours down on Ben)

Me: Ben come over here it took a while but we found that warrant now I want you pull on this chain and put Double Trouble in jail do it.

Ben pulls on the chain (Fog horn blares)

The scene changes to a jail cell where the doors close on Double Trouble

Authorpella: (Scatting) _Double Trouble (Trouble)'s in….jail!_

Me: Nice job pal we'll talk about your next adventure in a little bit but first Angelica listen you tracked Double Trouble all the way here we have something for you chief.

The Scene changes to the chief's office.

Shelby: Everyday all over the globe the air waves are buzzing so in order to keep up with what's going on around the world I'm giving you this world band radio along with the ACME travel pack it's a great gift for a job well done congratulations and thanks for all your help on this case.

Me: Well gang that's part 2 of this episode for you next time we'll find out where Carmen is and if Ben can catch her so read and review.


	6. The Feckless Felons of Fenway Part 3

Chapter 6: The Reckless Felons of Fenway part 3

Chapter 6: The Reckless Felons of Fenway part 3

I'm standing by Ben Tennyson who had just captured Double Trouble and now he was getting ready to go after Carmen San Diego.

Me: Thanks chief okay Ben now what you have to do in order to win that trip to anywhere in North America is catch Carmen San Diego but before you do that I have this portfolio for you inside is a piece of paper as well as a pen and I want you to write where you would like to go if you catch her and win the trip do it.

Authorpella while Ben is writing down his choice: _Think about it where do you want to go? Think about it think whoo! _

Me: Hmm interesting choice now all we need is to catch Carmen San Diego but the problem is we don't know where she is…

I get cut off by the phone ringing.

Me: but I think this phone call may have something to do with that.

I answer the phone.

Me: Hello? Yes he's right here hold on. (I turn to Ben) it's for you.

I give the phone to Ben.

Ben: Hello?

Double Trouble: That Carmen's a party pooper. We've been in jail for 17 seconds already and she hasn't even visited yet. Look for her in North America.

Me: What did they say?

Ben: Look for her in North America.

Me: Okay then Ben you and I are going to North America chief.

Shelby: Here's a list of places Carmen may have traveled: Baffin Island Canada, Alberta Canada, Lake Huron, Yellowstone National Park USA, North Carolina USA, New York USA, Florida USA, Missouri USA, Pennsylvania USA, Chihuahua Mexico, Cuba, Honduras, Puerto Rico USA. Airnaruto let's go to the map!

Authorpella: _I feel good._

Ben and I arrive at the map of North America.

The crowd cheers as we stop in the middle.

Me: You know what this is all about right?

Ben: Yep.

Me: Let me explain for those who may not know what's going on: What you have to do is track Carmen San Diego through 8 locations identifying each with a marker if you're right you'll hear this sound.

Siren blares

Me: But if you're wrong you'll hear this one.

Two-tone buzzer

Me: If you're wrong twice on one marker leave it where it is come back and we'll continue but if you're right 8 times in 45 seconds or less then you will win that trip. Sound good to you?

Ben: You bet.

Me: Okay but first let me just explain some extra things about this map.

A skateboard with a small bit of a map with three certain shapes appears at my feet.

Me: If you see a dot that means a city. If you see a square it means a national park, and of course if you see an arrow it's a body of water understand Ben.

Ben: Yep

Me: Okay then let's get into position. Put 45 seconds on the clock good luck to you Ben and audience cheer him on your mark get set go: Carmen went to Baffin Island Canada.

45, 44, 43

Siren blares

Me: Yes, Carmen went Calgary Alberta Canada.

42, 41, 40, 39

Siren blares

Me: Yes that's two; Carmen went to Yellowstone national park.

38, 37, 36, 35, 34

Siren Blares

Me: That's three; Buffalo New York

33, 32, 31

Siren Blares

Me: That's four; Charlotte North Carolina

30, 29, 28, 27, 26,

Siren blares

Me: That's five; Chihuahua Mexico

25, 24, 23, 22, 21, 20, 19

Siren blares

Me: That's six

18, 17, 16, 15, 14

Me: Lake Huron.

13, 12, 11, 10

Siren blares

Me: That's seven

9, 8, 7, 6

Me: Philadelphia Pennsylvania hurry

5, 4, 3, 2

Siren blares

Me: Yes you did it!

Audience goes wild

A newspaper with Carmen's picture pops up with the headline "Ben Tennyson captures Carmen."

Me: You did it my buddy now is the moment of truth not too long ago you wrote down where you wanted to go if you caught Carmen San Diego and you did that means you and a parent are going to….New Mexico!

Authorpella: Let's get packing!

Me: Now Ben you've done a lot of great stuff for us today but there's one more thing you have to do you know what is.

Everyone: DO IT AUTHORPELLA!

Authorpella in my office singing the theme song: (Scatting)

DM: _Well, she sneaks around the world from Kiev to Carolina;  
she's a sticky-fingered filcher from Berlin down to Belize.  
She'll take you for a ride on a slow boat to China. Tell me_

X and Ranger: _Where in the world is…_

Jose: _Carmen San Diego?_

Ranger: _Steal their Seoul in South Korea, Make Antarctica cry "Uncle," from the  
Red Sea to Greenland, they'll be singing the blues.  
Well they never Arkansas her steal the Mekong from the jungle. Tell me_

Jose: _Where in the world is…_

X and Ranger: _Carmen San Diego?_

X, Ranger, and DM: _She goes from Nashville to Norway, Bonaire to Zimbabwe,  
Chicago, to Czech and Slovakia and back!_

Ranger and DM: _Well, she'll ransack Pakistan, and run a scam in Scandinavia,  
and then she'll stick 'em up down under and go pick-pocket Perth.  
She put the "Miss" in misdemeanor when she stole the beans from Lima. Tell me_

Ranger and X: _Where in the world is…_

Jose: _Carmen San Diego?_

Ranger: _Oh tell me…_

All four now head from the alley over to the map while singing the song and everyone leaves the seats to join in on the dancing on the map

All four: _Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? (7 times)_

Scene changes to the Chiefs office where Shelby is singing to the tune and dancing a little bit before she turns to the camera and says…

Shelby: this is Shelby Pytlak speaking for "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" And remember we're on the case like fleas on Lassie with better ratings than Degrassi.

Me: Well gang that's episode two for you but don't worry I won't have Carmen get captured all the time otherwise this story would get dull very quick so read and review folks and remember the ACME triangle of excellence: Vigilance, dedication, and courage.


	7. Episode 3: Superscam Part 1

Chapter 7: Episode 3 Super Scam

Chapter 7: Episode 3 Super Scam

Shelby: Today's episode: Super Scam

The scene changes to Shelby sitting at her desk ready to brief the gumshoes about today's case.

Shelby: Gumshoes; Carmen San Diego and her horde of heinous hooligans have heisted again this time they did the illicit action in Illinois. Metropolis bills itself has the hometown of Clark Kent a.k.a. Superman, back in the 1940s when the DC comics superhero first became famous the citizens of the real city of Metropolis noticed that their city had the same name as Superman's fictional one and years later they turned coincidence into opportunity by jumping into the roadside attraction business. Now Metropolis is the only city to have an official; Superman phone booth, Superman billboard, water tower, and annual celebration, they even have a newspaper called you guessed it The Metropolis Daily Planet. (At this point Shelby is holding up a copy of the Metropolis planet with the headline reading Metropolis disappeared) Well it was dire headlines today.

The scene changes to a guy wearing a rat suit a cheese style cape having black hair and a cheese blaster in his hand while hanging from a helicopter this creep was known as Wonder Rat Carmen's sleazy self promoting superhero wannabe blasting the whole city and flying it away.

Shelby: When Wonder Rat in a fit of media mongering jealousy stole the entire city. He says that he won't return it until every last image of Clark Kent is replaced with his own "heroic" visage. They'll be Illin in Illinois until the city of Metropolis is returned gumshoes (Now she holds up a Wonder Rat comic book before continuing with her rant) this can not be tolerated your mission: Round up that rat, get the city of Metropolis back to the city of Metropolis and then bring in that burg burgling big wig Carmen San Diego.

Applause

Shelby: The treasure's been copped and the crooks must be stopped.

Authorpella: _Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?_

The scene changes to the alley newsstand.

Shelby: And one of these people could find her.

Jose: Timmy Turner

Applause

Jose: Cindy Vortex

Applause

Jose: Fanny Fulbright (Number 86 of the KND)

Cheers

I come out from the other side of the alley and goof around with the guys of Authorpella before Shelby introduces me.

Shelby: And this man is ACME special agent in charge of training new recruits: Airnaruto45

Applause

Me: Hi guys nice to have you on the case so let's get started by giving each of you 50 ACME crime bucks. Every time you answer a question correctly we'll give 10 more crime bucks and the two of you with the highest totals at the end of this round will proceed to the next round and as always all of our answers have been verified and confirmed by National Geographic World.

Authorpella: _National Geographic World_

Me: Chief lets go.

The scene changes to the chief's office.

Shelby: Airnaruto Wonder rat has stolen the city of metropolis and there's no time to lose now here's the run down on that rat.

File cabinet opens and Wonder Rat's file pops out

Authorpella: _He's Wonder Rat, The Fabulous Wonder Rat, The Mighty Wonder Rat!_

Shelby: This is Wonder Rat: he thinks he's a hero but he's really just a stale bologna sandwich and here's what we know so far. That rank little rat is still in Illinois; he's currently held up in a city that's been having environmental and financial problems, the city lost a lot of business when several meat packing plants closed down in the 1960s and now there is hardly any industry left except several chemical testing plants whose work have made the water and soil there extremely toxic and the sewer system has been collapsing but the government there is too poor to finish renovations on the sewer system in fact they're so broke that they had to give their city hall away as debt payment and what this town doesn't need is more trouble so get that rat out of there.

Me: Okay thanks chief, okay gumshoes name the city is it: East St. Louis, Robinson or Joliet? Remember the clues we just heard: In Illinois, on the Mississippi River and financial and environmental problems come up with your answers as quick as you can and hold them up, looks like everyone's ready Timmy what did you say?

Timmy: I said Joliet

Me: Okay Cindy

Cindy: I said East St. Louis

Me: And Fanny

Fanny: I said East St. Louis

Me: The correct answer we were looking for is: East St. Louis nice job ladies

Applause

Me: Okay so Timmy you stay at 50, and Cindy and Fanny go up to 60 crime bucks nice job ladies for our next clue we….(I get cut off by hearing some sort of squeaking) Wait a minute I think it's time to check into the roach hotel. (I get down on the floor where a literal roach hotel is and decide to get any info out of its only resident Kafka.) Hey Kafka what's up?

The Scene changes to Jose wearing a roach costume living in a very filthy apartment.

Jose/Kafka: Oh Airnaruto hi I just heard that Wonder Rat is in the Caribbean he just scurried through a voodoo ceremony in Puerco prince. You know some people think that voodoo is strictly devil worship but in reality it's a religion with roots in West Africa a priestess leads the people in ceremonial dancing and drumming because they believe it coaxes the god spirits to protect them, but Wonder Rat's not a believer he's just a crook and he gives vermin like me a bad name know what I'm saying?

Me: Yeah I get what you're saying see ya Kafka. Okay gang name the country is it: The Bahamas, Jamaica, or Haiti? Remember the clues we just heard: voodoo ceremonies, religion with West African roots and Puerco prince. Looks like everyone's ready Timmy what did you say?

Timmy: I said Jamaica

Me: Okay Cindy

Cindy: I said Haiti

Me: And Fanny

Fanny: I said Jamaica

Me: Okay well the correct answer we were looking for is Haiti nice job Cindy

Cheers

Me: Okay so Timmy you stay at 50, Cindy goes up to 70 and Fanny stays at 60 crime bucks for our next clue….

(Lightning and thunder)

Me: Okay you guys that means it's time for the lightning round which means all of these questions will be about Wonder Rat's most recent known whereabouts which is Haiti every correct answer will be worth 5 crime bucks so hands on your buzzers and listen carefully here we go. Haiti shares the island of Hispaniola with what other country?

Left buzzer

Me: Timmy

Timmy: The Dominican Republic?

Me: Correct five crime bucks for you

Applause

Me: Question two back in 1791 a Haitian man was the son of black slaves and he led his people in what became the only successful slave rebellion in history was his name: Toussaint Louverture, Che Rivera, or Philippe Guadeloupe?

Middle buzzer

Me: Cindy

Cindy: Toussaint Louverture?

Me: That's correct 5 for you

Applause

Me: Question three: Although French is the official language of Haiti most Haitians speak a different tongue is this language: Petiole, Pigeon or Credo?

Right buzzer

Me: Fanny

Fanny: Credo

Me: Credo is correct nice job

Applause

Me: okay so after three and the lightning round Cindy is still in the lead with 75, Fanny has 65, and Timmy is finally on the board with 55 crime bucks nice job everyone got a question right for our next clue….

Shelby: Airnaruto get in here!

Me: Yes mam. This looks serious I'm going to go check on her guys if you would excuse me.

The scene changes to the chief's office with Shelby holding a piece of her wall that got ripped out by something or someone.

Me: Oh this is a fine time to be redecorating your office chief.

Shelby: I'm not redecorating my office these men came in here and tore a hole in my wall.

Crash!

Ranger pops up this time dressed in a contractor's uniform with some pipes in his hands.

Ranger: Hey were digging a sewer line (He drops the pipes) I mean either we put it through here or it's a 2000 mile detour and according to my blueprints Max the blueprints (Max's hands give Ranger the blueprints and then he proceeds to clear everything off the desk to open the blueprints) Thank you. There isn't supposed to be anything here.

Me: That's because this is the secret headquarters of ACME crime net

Shelby hits me

Me: Ow

Shelby: You weren't supposed to tell him that (Meanwhile Ranger goes into a thinking pose) we're never going to catch Carmen San Diego with all these distractions.

Ranger: Hey ACME crime net you're the guys who're always trying to catch that Carmen character right?

Shelby and I: Yes

Ranger: I remember the time she stole the Washington Monument it took us a week just to glue that thing back into place.

Me: That's us.

Ranger: For you guys a 2000 mile diversion no problem.

Shelby: That's fine but what about the hole in the wall?

Ranger: Good point. I'll tell you what we'll fix the wall and to show that there's no hard feelings we'll send the gumshoe that captures Carmen on trip to anywhere in North America for free deal?

Crowd and the gumshoes applaud

Shelby: That's fine sir.

Ranger: You know I think you guys are great and I especially love the part where you into the office (pointing at me) and then you tell him to… (Pointing at Shelby)

Shelby and I: go away.

Ranger laughs and then leaves the way he came in the hole in the wall.

Me: Huh he actually likes that part…

Shelby: you too

Me: Yes mam

The scene changes to outside the Chief's office door where I come out and make a quick announcement

Me: All of us here at "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" would like to dedicate this show to Norm Abram without the "S". Okay gang we're still looking for the city of Metropolis and Wonder Rat fortunately for us ACME bug net has intercepted this phone conversation between Wonder Rat and Carmen San Diego watch.

Me: I going to end this chapter her and for those who don't know who Norm Abram is he's the master carpenter and the house renovation shows The new Yankee workshop and This old house which are also on PBS. So remember to read and review this story folks next time the phone tap, the chase, and the briefing. One last thing remember the ACME triangle of excellence: Vigilance, dedication, and courage. See ya


	8. Superscam part 2

Chapter 8: Super scam Part 2

Chapter 8: Super scam Part 2

We now continue this with phone tap of conversation between Wonder Rat and Carmen San Diego and you know by now the deal with the split screen on the phone tap.

Wonder Rat: I'm thinking of changing the name of this town I stole. How does Ratopolis sound?

Carmen: How does jail sound? ACME is about to nab you head for Monrovia the capitol of a West African nation that's home two one of the world's largest leagues of privately owned ships.

Wonder Rat: Yeah I know the place. Ship owners from all over the world register there because they charge lenient regulations and low taxes say I could use a nice rat cruise.

Carmen: forget it you have to hide head into the rainforest and disguise yourself as a pygmy hippo this is one of the few parts of Africa where the live.

Wonder Rat: I don't know Carmen wonder dwarf pygmy hippo rat? That doesn't roll off the tongue.

Me: No it doesn't okay gumshoes name the African nation is it: Mauritania, Algeria, or Liberia? Remember the clues: Monrovia, West African nation and pygmy hippo come up with an answer as quick as possible and looks like everyone is ready Timmy what did you say?

Timmy: I said Algeria

Me: Okay Cindy

Cindy: I said Liberia

Me: and Fanny

Fanny: I said Algeria

Me: okay the correct answer we were looking for is Liberia nice job Cindy.

Applause

Me: So that means Timmy stays at 55, Cindy goes up to 85 and Fanny stays at 65 crime bucks for our next clue…

I get cut off by someone dropping a cloth in front of me.

Me: Hey guys its bad manners to cover up the host in case you didn't know.

A smaller cloth gets drop in front of my face

Me: Wait a second this is a Hmong story cloth which means that Wonder Rat is in a country next to Vietnam where many Hmong people used to live but most of them got driven out when the communists took over the country. Now let me show you how this works this tells about their journey of how they had to dodge enemy patrols and land mines until they got to the Mekong River and crossed it to reach safe haven in Thailand thanks guys. Okay gumshoes name the country is it: Mongolia, Cambodia, or Laos? Remember the clues: Hmong story cloth and neighbors both Vietnam and Thailand looks like everyone's ready, Timmy what did you say?

Timmy: Cambodia

Me: Cindy

Cindy: Cambodia

Me: And fanny what did you say?

Fanny: I also said Cambodia.

Me: I hate to tell you guys this but you're all wrong the correct answer was Laos.

Audience: awww

Me: So everyone stays where they're at but I just got word that Wonder Rat has left Laos so let's pick up the chase

Authorpella: _Oooh! The chase!_

In this chase X has the warrant in his hands and starts running from Darkmagicianmon who keeps screaming "the warrant, the warrant!"

Me: We try our best here. Anyway all of these questions will be worth 5 crime bucks so hands on your buzzers, watch the monitor, and listen carefully here we go. According to our agents Wonder rat took the city to the capitol of Lesotho name it.

Left buzzer

Me: Timmy.

Timmy: Maseru?

Me: Maseru is right. He then went across the border where is he now?

Left buzzer

Me: Timmy

Timmy: South Africa

Me: Right. He then headed North by Northwest to Namibia what desert did he cross?

Left buzzer

Me: Timmy

Timmy: Kalahari?

Me: correct. He then fled to Victoria Falls name the country.

Middle buzzer

Me: Cindy

Cindy: Zimbabwe

Me: correct. Finally Wonder Rat scampered to Maputo what country is he in now?

Right buzzer

Me: Fanny

Fanny: Mozambique

Me: Correct so at the end of the chase round Timmy has 70, Cindy still in the lead with 90 and Fanny also has 70 crime bucks give a hand guys

Applause

Me: Now it's time for the final clue of this round which means you've got to decide how much you want to risk if you're right we'll add that amount to your score but if you're wrong we'll subtract that amount from your score you can risk 0, 10, 20, 30, 40, or 50 ACME crime bucks now take a look at the monitor please (The monitor reveals a portion of both Central and South America) because here is a portion of the world where we think Wonder Rat is heading to so if you know a lot about this part of the world you might want to risk a lot but if don't then might not want to risk quite so much so look at the map and think about it.

Authorpella: _Think about it how much you gonna risk yea, yea, yea, yea, think about it ooh_

Me: Okay guys for our final clue we turn to an informant who's as filthy as Top Grunge and as sneaky as that rat from ACME Mucha lucha net here's The Flea.

This informant was as his name suggested he was a Mexican boy with tan skin under his wrestling tights and mask which made him look like a flea his name was well the flea and he always referred to himself in the 3rd person whenever he spoke.

The Flea: Psst! Gumshoes the flea just spotted Wonder Rat. He's in a Central American country. The flea spotted him in Montverde which is about 100 miles from the capitol city of San Jose. Most of the people here are of Spanish descent but there are a few Quakers living around here. Quakers are pacifists who moved to this country because they have no trained armed forces they've been here since the 1950s and today are dairy farmers maybe that rat was looking for some cheese but there is only one food that will ever divert the flea's attention…DONUTS! Now you excuse the flea the flea is going to try and find some old donuts in that garbage pail over there. (The flea leaves and the scene returns to my office)

Me: Eww! Folks when I said that he was as disgusting as Top Grunge I wasn't lying. Okay gumshoes name the country where Wonder Rat has hidden Metropolis, Illinois is it: Costa Rica, Columbia, or Honduras? Remember the clues we just heard: In Central America, Montverde and Quaker dairy farmers. Lay your answers in front of you looks like everyone's ready Timmy we'll start with you how much did you risk?

Timmy: I risked 30 crime bucks

Me: Well this hasn't been your strong point but we'll see what did you say?

Timmy: I said Honduras

Me: Sorry Honduras is not the answer we're looking for you'll go down 30 to 40 but this isn't over yet Fanny how much did you risk?

Fanny: I risked 10 crime bucks.

Me: Hmm. playing it safe huh? Well you'll go up to 80 if you're right what did you say?

Fanny: I said Costa Rica

Me: And that is the answer we're looking for.

Applause

Me: Cindy you've been ahead for the entire game how much did you risk

Cindy: I risked 20

Me: Okay either way both you and Fanny will go on to the next round what did you say?

Cindy: I said Honduras

Me: and I'm afraid that you're wrong you drop 20 to 70 but you and Fanny are still moving on to the next round congratulations

Applause

Me: Timmy listen you were a great detective but don't feel bad we've assembled a kit for you that will help you in your next case chief.

Shelby's office

Shelby: It's the official ACME travel pack and it includes: an atlas, the official Carmen watch, a Carmen tee-shirt, a subscription to National Geographic World magazine and for quick reference when you're pounding the pavement this portable globe. (Shelby takes a shot and misses)

Me: Thanks chief okay ladies now we have to go to Costa Rica so we can find Wonder Rat and get Metropolis back but I want you to know that we don't send our agents out into the field unprepared chief how about a briefing.

Shelby: The gang down at ACME photo recon have put together a few slides on Costa Rica have a look. Costa Rica boasts the spectacular Paos volcano its crater is nearly 1000 feet deep and 1 mile wide and just like Wonder Rat it's full of hot gasses. In the 1870s Bananas were introduced to Costa Rica and they soon became one of the countries major sources of foreign exchange. Metropolis is famous for Superman but some villages in Costa Rica are famous for their hardwood hand carved and hand painted ox carts while wonder Rat just wants to be famous. A cattle market in Alajuela now let me read you a quote I found during my extended research "Costa Rica's second city Alajuela is a fast growing metropolis." Metropolis is it a coincidence? No I don't think so this is a conspiracy and I smell a rat. Gumshoes you know what you have to do so go do it. Wonder Rat has taken Metropolis Illinois to Costa Rica. Go get em!

Me: Wow never seen the chief that talkative in awhile no offense Shelby anyway next time Cindy and Fanny duke it out to see who gets to go after Carmen so read, review and remember the ACME triangle of excellence: Vigilance, dedication, and courage Ciao.


	9. Superscam part 3

Chapter 9: Super scam part 3

Chapter 9: Super scam part 3

Fanny, Cindy and I arrive in Costa Rica the jail time challenge board locations are as such. On the top row: La Tortuga, the Pan-American highway, Poas Volcano, and the Tropical science center. The second row locations were: Meseta Central, Montverde, the Mariposa hotel, and the Quaker school. The third row had: the biological reserve, the jade museum, and the University of Costa Rica. Finally on the bottom row were: The railroad depot, Sendero Pantanoso, the national theater, and La Sabana Park.

Me: Okay ladies here we are in Costa Rica let me show you what we have here are the possible locations where you'll be able to find Wonder Rat, Metropolis, and a warrant for Wonder Rat's arrest. The first thing you need to find is the loot that's the evidence you'll need to get a warrant and with a warrant you can arrest the crook, if you connect all three of those things in that order in a single turn then you get a chance to catch Carmen San Diego, and if you catch Carmen you win that trip to anywhere in North America. One last thing you can pick any location you want to but if you find the loot, the warrant, or the crook at any time you get a free turn okay?

Both: Yep

Me: okay Fanny you were ahead at the end of the last round so you go first.

Fanny: Meseta Central

Me: Meseta Central

The panel reveals two footprints

Me: Nothing there we'll turn it back around Cindy your turn.

Cindy: The University of Costa Rica

Me: The University of Costa Rica

The panel reveals three footprints.

Me: Nothing there we'll turn it around Fanny your turn

Fanny: The Tropical science center.

Me: The tropical science center anything there?

The panel turns over to show two footprints.

Authorpella: Nothing

Me: Thanks

Authorpella: Don't mention it

I laugh

Me: Cindy your turn

Cindy: Pan-American Highway?

Me: Pan-American Highway

The panel turns over to show a photo of the city of Metropolis Illinois with the loot label over it.

Authorpella: Superman land

Me: Okay nice job Cindy you found the loot so now you get a free turn

Cindy: La Tortuga?

Me: La Tortuga

The panel shows two close footprints

Me: nothing there turn them around but have found the loot Fanny your turn

Fanny: Pan-American Highway

Me: Pan-American Highway.

Authorpella: Kleptonite

Me: and a free turn

Fanny: Poas volcano

Me: Poas volcano

The panel shows only one footprint

Me: Nothing there turn them around back to you Cindy

Cindy: Pan-American Highway

Me: Pan-American Highway

Authorpella: Faster than a speeding bullet.

I chuckle

Me: And a free turn

Cindy: Quaker school

Me: Quaker school

The panel reveals two foot prints

Me: Nope nothing there we turn them around still trying to find that warrant and that rat your turn Fanny.

Fanny: Pan-American Highway

Me: Pan-American Highway

Authorpella: More powerful than a locomotive

I laugh

Me: I wonder what the next one will be. Go ahead fanny

Fanny: La Sabana Park

Me: La Sabana Park

The panel shows two footprints

Me: Nothing there your turn Cindy

Cindy: Pan-American Highway

Me: Pan-American Highway

Authorpella: able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.

Me: See I thought that might be it. Go ahead Cindy

Cindy: Poas volcano

Me: Poas volcano

Reveals one footprint again

Me: I think we tried this one once already Fanny your turn.

Fanny: Pan-American Highway

Me: Pan-American Highway

Authorpella: Dated Lois in the movie

I laugh

Me: Nice touch fellas. Go ahead Fanny

Fanny: Railroad depot

Me: Railroad depot

The panel turns over to show….

Authorpella: The Warrant

Me: Okay Fanny you have the loot and you have the warrant you just need one more and that's Wonder Rat can you find him?

Fanny: The Biological reserve

Me: Is Wonder Rat at the Biological reserve?

The panel turns to reveal three foot prints

Me: No he's not but we now know where the warrant is Cindy your turn.

Cindy: Pan-American Highway

Me: Pan-American Highway

Authorpella: Look up in the sky!

I laugh

Me: go ahead Cindy

Cindy: Railroad depot

Me: Railroad depot

Authorpella: The warrant

Me: Okay Cindy can you find Wonder Rat?

Cindy: Montverde

Me: Is Wonder Rat at Montverde?

The panel turns over to reveal…

Authorpella: Wonder Rat!

Me: yes he is.

Authorpella: You've won (Fanfare and confetti)

Me: Come over here Cindy now pull on the chain and put that rat in the cage

Cindy pulls on the chain and the fog horn blows

Authorpella: _Wonder Rat's in jail!_

Applause

Me: you make it seem simple listen we'll talk about your next adventure in a minute but first Fanny you were a great detective you tracked Wonder Rat all the way here and we have something special for you chief.

The chief's office

Shelby: A gumshoe needs to be in touch with the whole world and that's why I'm giving you the world band radio so you can hear broadcast from all around the globe congratulations

Applause

Me: Thanks chief. Okay Cindy now I have some paperwork for you inside this portfolio is a piece of paper and a pen what I want you to do is write down where you want to go if you catch Carmen and get that trip do it.

As Cindy writes down her choice Authorpella begins to sing: Think about it where do you want to go? Think about it think whoo!

Me: Very interesting choice here but of course the only way you'll get to go there is if you catch Carmen San Diego but now we have to know where she is….

The phone rings

Me: And usually this phone call has something to do with that. Hello?

Scene changes to the workshop of Norm Abram unfortunately when it shows

Norm: Airnaruto45 its Norm Abram listen you have to catch Carmen San Diego. She ran off with my wedge router gun. How am I supposed to build that scale model of The Taj Mahal out of cherry wood without my wedge router gun? You've got to do something Airnaruto45.

Me: Far be it from me to give you advice Norm but I would a brace and a bit.

Scene changes back to Norm's shop

Norm: Thanks Airnaruto45 bye.

Me I turn to Cindy: That was Norm Abram unfortunately that was not the phone call we were looking for…

The phone rings again

Me: I think this might be it hello? Yes she's right here hold on. It's for you Cindy

Cindy: Hello?

Wonder Rat: If there's one thing a rat can do its rat if you want to find Carmen San Diego sniff around Asia.

Me: What did he say?

Cindy: Look around Asia.

Me: well Cindy looks like you and I are going to Asia chief.

The Chief's office

Shelby: Here's a list of places Carmen may have traveled: Israel, Kuwait, Yemen, Pakistan, Uzbekistan, Kazakhstan, Nepal, Sri Lanka, India, Bhutan, Philippines, Papua New Guinea. Airnaruto let's go to the map

Authorpella: I feel good

Scene change

We arrive at the map of Asia.

Cheering from the crowd

Me: You ready Cindy

Cindy: Yes

Me: Okay let me explain what's going on for those who might not know. What you have to do is track Carmen San Diego through 8 different countries identifying each with a marker if you're right you'll here this sound.

Siren blares

Me: But if you're wrong you'll here this sound

Two-tone buzzer

Me: Now if you're wrong two times on one location leave the marker where it is come on back and we'll continue but if you're right 8 times in 45 seconds or less then you will win that trip sound good to you?

Cindy: Yes

Me: Sound good to you guys?

Audience: Yeah

Me: Okay Cindy get into position, let's put 45 seconds on the clock, cheer her on guys on your mark get set go. Carmen went Bhutan.

45, 44,43,42,41

Two-tone buzzer

Me: Try again Bhutan

40, 39, 38,

Siren blares

Me: Good come on back

37, 36, 35, 34, 34, 33

Me: Carmen went to India

32, 31, 30

Siren blares

Me: yeah

29, 28, 27, 26, 26

Me: Carmen went to Pakistan

24, 23, 22, 21, 20, 19

Siren blares

Me: Yes

18, 17, 16, 15

Me: Carmen went to Israel

14, 13, 12, 11, 10

Siren blares

Me: you got it

9, 8, 7, 6,

Me: Carmen went to Sri Lanka

5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0

Buzzer sounds

Me: In time on this one judges? Yes she was so she got 5 in 45 seconds give her a big applause you guys

Applause

The newspaper headline reads "Carmen escapes again"

Me: Listen Cindy sometimes Carmen is just real tough to catch I mean this is one of the toughest maps we have but listen you did what we asked you to do you caught Wonder Rat and returned Metropolis to where it belongs that's not bad chief what do you say?

Chief's office

Shelby: We're all proud of the work you did today and for that I upgrade your status to sleuth congratulations!

Me: Not bad Ms. Sleuth and in addition you can now wear this official Carmen San Diego sleuth jacket try it on.

Cindy puts on the jacket which is pretty much blue with a teal shade on the sleeves.

Me: Listen Cindy you've done a lot of hard work for us today but there's one more thing you have to do you know what it is.

All: DO IT AUTHORPELLA!

Authorpella: Scatting

DM: _Well, she sneaks around the world from Kiev to Carolina;  
she's a sticky-fingered filcher from Berlin down to Belize.  
She'll take you for a ride on a slow boat to China. Tell me_

X and Ranger: _Where in the world is…_

Jose: _Carmen San Diego?_

Ranger: _Steal their Seoul in South Korea, Make Antarctica cry "Uncle," from the  
Red Sea to Greenland, they'll be singing the blues.  
Well they never Arkansas her steal the Mekong from the jungle. Tell me_

Jose: _Where in the world is…_

X and Ranger: _Carmen San Diego?_

X, Ranger, and DM: _She goes from Nashville to Norway, Bonaire to Zimbabwe,  
Chicago, to Czech and Slovakia and back!_

Ranger and DM: _Well, she'll ransack Pakistan, and run a scam in Scandinavia,  
and then she'll stick 'em up down under and go pick-pocket Perth.  
She put the "Miss" in misdemeanor when she stole the beans from Lima. Tell me_

Ranger and X: _Where in the world is…_

Jose: _Carmen San Diego?_

Ranger: _Oh tell me…_

All four now head from the alley over to the map while singing the song and everyone leaves the seats to join in on the dancing on the map

All four: _Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? (7 times)_

Scene changes to the Chiefs office where Shelby is singing to the tune and dancing a little bit before she turns to the camera and says…

Shelby: this is Shelby Pytlak speaking for "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" And remember you'll be mopping prison floors if you take something that's not yours. She then returns to her jig.

Me: Well folks I told you I wasn't going to let Carmen get caught all the time didn't I? Well read and review. Remember the ACME triangle of excellence: vigilance, dedication, courage. See ya next time.


	10. Episode 4: Tricky Trickle Trapper

Chapter 10: The Tricky Trickle Trapper

Chapter 10: The Tricky Trickle Trapper

Crowd on the map begins cheering.

Shelby: All these people want to know…

Authorpella: _Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?_

Jose introducing the gumshoes: This is Nigel Uno; he's been across the globe, like fighting evil adults and has a gorgeous looking cousin. This is Sakura Haruno; she's into medicine, likes pressing flowers and has traveled to the far reaches of the ninja world. This is Jimmy Neutron; he likes, science inventing new things, and has traveled all over the globe and has a habit of stopping the bad guys.

Applause

The scene changes to a wanted poster of a man wearing blue jeans, a plaid sports coat, a polyester shirt and blue jeans, he had a black pencil thin mustache, greasy jet black hair, and a long nose and a shark-toothed necklace on his neck, his name Vic the Slick Carmen's sleazy, salesman.

Shelby: And this is Vic the Slick; Carmen San Diego's greasy guru of grab.

Authorpella: _Vic the slick_

Shelby: His last known whereabouts: Burundi. In 1937 German explorer Burkhart wall Decker answered a question that people had been asking for 5000 years. Where does the Nile River begin? Walldecker pinpointed a small spring in Burundi; it forms a spring which flows into Lake Victoria which in turn empties into the White Nile. The water passes through Rwanda's border through Uganda, Sudan, and then North into Egypt more than 4000 from its source it empties into the Mediterranean Sea or it did until today.

The scene changes to Vic the Slick trying to figure out how to steal the spring until he pulls out a huge sponge to suck it dry causing people in 5 countries to lose their water supply.

Shelby: When that venomous viper Vic the Slick bopped into Burundi and sponged the spring dry millions of people in five countries have lost their liquid asset gumshoes catch Carmen and stop that…Tricky trickle trapper.

The scene changes to the alley where I pass by Authorpella with DM holding a mirror in his hand as they polish me up for a minute before Shelby introduces me.

Shelby: And here's ACME senior agent in charge of training new recruits: Airnaruto45.

Applause

Me: Hi everyone

I go over to the gumshoes

Me: Hey there Nigel, nice to see you Sakura, hey there Jimmy. Listen I want to remind you guys that if one of you catches Carmen San Diego today you'll win that free trip to anywhere in North America and that's not bad.

Applause

Me: So we'll start by giving each of you 50 ACME crime bucks and you guys know how this works so let's get started with our first clue which comes from the ACME crime net computer (A/N: I don't really remember the computer looks like so please don't criticize me if I didn't describe it)

I turn it on.

Me: Looks like we're getting something from the tape machine hold on…(I go over to the far right end of the computer which looks like a purple old fashioned 1960s computer I pull on the tape) That's weird one long strip of tape and nothing is on it…wait a minute we've got something the word Caprivi. Now what is that supposed to mean all that for one long strip with the word Caprivi on it…wait a minute I know what it is it's the Caprivi Strip its part of an African nation that sticks out between four other countries it was once a German colony called Southwest Africa but Germany wanted access to the Zambezi River so they traded Zanzibar Island to Britain and got the Caprivi Strip in return. Okay one last thing I have to make sure to clean this up (I pull out a toy squeaky hammer and bang the tape until it turns into a paper chain).

Audience laughs

Me: Okay gumshoes name the country is it: Congo, Namibia, or Malawi? Remember the clues we just heard: Caprivi Strip, sat between four other countries and once a German colony called Southwest Africa. Come up with an answer as quick as you can looks like everyone's ready Nigel what did you say?

Nigel: I said Namibia

Me: Okay Sakura.

Sakura: I said Congo

Me: And Jimmy?

Jimmy: I said Namibia

Me: Well the correct answer we were looking for is Namibia nice job boys.

Applause

Me: so Nigel, and Jimmy go up to 60 crime bucks each and Sakura you stay at 50 crime bucks for our next clue…

Shelby appears on the monitor

Shelby: Airnaruto I just got a delivery (She opens a package that is sitting on her desk to reveal four different colored hands) Four arms?

Me: Well you know what they say four arms is forewarned

Shelby: What could that mean? Of course Vic's in the Cambodian capital which is in a region which in French translates to four arms it used to be a huge city but in 1975 a Communist group called Comer Rouge forced most of the population into the country side but they lost power four years later and the city is coming back to life though the population is now less than half of what it was.

Me: See ya chief okay gumshoes name the city is it: Phnom Penh, Bangkok, or Ho Chi Mien City? Remember the clues we just heard: Capitol of Cambodia, and largely evacuated by Cimer Rouge. Looks like everyone's ready Nigel what did you say?

Nigel: I said Phnom Penh

Me: Okay Sakura?

Sakura: Phnom Penh

Me: Jimmy

Jimmy: Bangkok

Me: The correct answer we were looking for is Phnom Penh nice job Nigel and Sakura.

Applause

Me: so that puts Nigel at 70, Sakura at 60, and Jimmy at 60 crime bucks for our next clue…

I get cut off by some noise in the alley.

Me: wait minute that's the unmistakable sound of scuttlebutt let's check the word on the street.

I open the door.

Me: Hey fellas what the word on the street?

Ranger: Hey Airnaruto the word on the street is Palat which means palace in Romanian.

Me: that's not much of a clue.

Ranger: Actually it is because Vic is in the Romanian capitol where the Communist dictator Nikolai Ceausescu was building one of the world's largest palaces.

Me: So you're saying that he was building a very big house for himself?

Ranger: It's more than big Ceausescu stole his country's money to furnish the palace with great artwork (Jose comes walking by with a painting) Fine furniture (DM comes walking by with a metal folding chair) and the very best marble(X walks by with a jar of marbles) hey X not that kind of marble(X walks back to get a tile of marble) Ceausescu was executed before the palace was finished but construction might continue on it anyway.

CRASH!

Ranger: X.

X looks down and sees that he dropped the marble and now it's broken into a thousand pieces.

Audience laughs

Me: Oh X. Listen thanks for the tip and I hope you guys are insured for that.

I go back inside.

Me: Okay guys name the city is it: Budapest, Sophia or Bucharest? Remember the clues we heard: Capitol of Romania and city where Ceausescu began building one of the world's largest palaces and it looks like everyone's ready Nigel what did you say?

Nigel: I said Bucharest

Me: Okay what did you say Sakura?

Sakura: I said Bucharest

Me: And Jimmy

Jimmy: I said Sophia

Me: Well the correct answer we were looking for is Bucharest nice job Nigel and Sakura.

Applause

Me: so that brings the score to Nigel still in the lead with 80 crime bucks Sakura goes up to 70 and Jimmy is still at 60 crime bucks nice job…

Thunder and Lightning

Me: Okay guys it's time for the lightning round which means all of these questions will be about Vic's most recent known whereabouts which is Romania all correct answers will be worth 5 crime bucks so hands on your buzzers and here we go. Question 1: Before his execution in 1989 Romanian dictator Ceausescu was completing work on a huge new palace how many rooms would you find in the palace? About 500, about 1000, or about 2000?

Left buzzer

Me: Nigel

Nigel: about 500

Me: No it's not 500 Sakura or Jimmy?

Middle buzzer

Me: Sakura

Sakura: 2000

Me: about 2000 rooms is right 5 for you.

Applause

Me: Question 2: Romania has often been struck by what type of natural disasters is it: Earthquakes, Typhoons, or floods?

Left buzzer

Me: Nigel

Nigel: Earthquakes

Me: Correct

Applause

Me: Question 3: Unlike most languages spoken in Eastern Europe Romanian is base on the language of what is it: Ancient Chinese settlers, Latin, or old gypsy folk songs?

Middle buzzer

Me: Sakura

Sakura: Latin

Me: that's right.

Applause

Me: so after the lightning round Nigel has 85 crime bucks, Sakura has 80 and Jimmy has 60 nice job guys….

Shelby appears on the monitor again this time with a chessboard on her desk and a sly grin on her face.

Shelby: Airnaruto it's time you ready?

Me: Oh yeah I'll be right back you guys. (I turn to the audience) Chess ACME style.

The scene changes to the chief's office

We shake hands and get our goofy chess match underway

Shelby: are you ready?

Me: Let's do this go!

We lock hands criss crossing our arms

Shelby: Pickle hopped a queens' right shoulder.

Me: you can't do that on the first move

Shelby: too late I already did

She knocks over a few pieces

Me: Then I call Mayonnaise

Shelby: You can't do that

Me: Already did psyche! (I then turn to the audience) Every time you read the story write down what got stolen and from where and when you've collected four loots…

(I get cut off by Shelby knocking me to the side)

Shelby: When you've collected four loots and locations just simply put them on a postcard along with your name and address and send it to ACME crime net PO box 1199 Kannapolis, NC 28083 (A/N: Yes this is my home postage but I don't have any Carmen tee-shirts this is just for fun so I'm sorry.)

Me: Mud try the temple 2

Shelby: Oh

Me: Every day we'll pick 5 people whose lists are correct and send each of them a Carmen tee-shirt.

Shelby: you can't do that

Me: you're out of bounds

Shelby: I am not

Me: again this is only for fun and we don't have the real deal

Shelby sneaks up behind me with a fishing ne t and captures me.

Shelby: Taka's log roll capture

Me: Rats

Buzzer goes of.

Me: Okay you win nice game.

Shelby: Thank you

Me: You know you were ahead by one

Shelby: I was? I thought I was behind.

Me: no you were ahead see

I pull out a sketch pad with the final tally.

Shelby: Same time next week?

Me: You're on

I leave the office but I still have the fish net on my head.

The scene changes to me getting the net off me and seeing Darkmagicianmon in the middle of an ACME chess match with a gorilla.

I throw the net on DM

Me: Pumpernickels a dog toenail.

DM: Groan

Me to the gorilla: Listen buddy yeah (we slap five)

Me to the gumshoes: Okay guys remember we're still looking for Vic the Slick and the source of the Nile River but fortunately for us ACME bug net has just intercepted this phone conversation between Vic the Slick and Carmen San Diego watch.

Me: Well folks you know the drill read and review.


	11. Tricky Trickle Trapper part 2

Chapter 11: Tricky Trickle Trapper part 2

Chapter 11: Tricky Trickle Trapper part 2

We continue the story with the phone tap.

Vic the Slick: Hey Carmen this spring is making my polyester kind of soggy where can I stash it?

Carmen: Hide it in a city whose name is Spanish for the meadows.

Vic: Sounds like a sleepy farm town

Carmen: It's anything but sleepy. In fact it's been the fastest growing American city in the past few years why the tourist industry alone makes 14 billion dollars a year.

Vic: Holy salvos I can buy pinky rings for all 12 fingers with that kind of dough heh, heh.

Me: Okay gumshoes name the city is it: Las Vegas, Reno, or Provo? Remember the clues we just heard: located in southern Nevada, fastest growing American city, and name is Spanish for the meadows. Looks like everyone is ready Nigel what did you say?

Nigel: I said Las Vegas

Me: Las Vegas huh okay Sakura?

Sakura: I said Las Vegas

Me: Jimmy what about you?

Jimmy: Las Vegas

Me: Everyone said Las Vegas everyone is right nice job

Applause

Me: so that brings Nigel to 95, Sakura nipping at his heels with 90 and Jimmy still trying to make a comeback with 70 crime bucks for our next clue we turn to an informant from ACME Justice League net the comic relief of the original seven The Flash!

The Flash is basically a young red haired man wearing a red suit with yellow lighting bolts on the ear pieces and a lightning bolt emblem on his chest basically he's a goofball but he can be serious when he's not stuffing his face just to keep his metabolism at its normal level.

Flash: Hey gumshoes, Vic's in a South American country bordering the Pacific and Caribbean coasts, I saw him try to hide that spring in a few caves but unfortunately for him no one bothered telling him that there are more kinds of bats here than anywhere else in the world and make sure you pick up a cup of coffee while your down there it's the major export of the country and speaking of coffee I got to go on patrol see ya.

Me: Thanks Flash. Okay gumshoes name the country is it: Peru, Honduras, or Colombia? Remember the clues we just heard: In South America, border by both the Pacific and Caribbean, and more types of bats than anywhere else in the world. Looks like everyone is ready okay Nigel what did you say?

Nigel: I said Peru

Me: Okay Sakura?

Sakura: I said Colombia

Me: And Jimmy?

Jimmy: I said Colombia

Me: the correct answer we were looking for is Colombia nice job Sakura and Jimmy

Applause

Me: Okay so now Sakura you move into the lead with 100 crime bucks, Nigel still at 95 and Jimmy moves up to 80 but now I just received word that Vic has left Colombia so let's pick up the chase!

Authorpella: _Oooh the chase!_

In this chase DM is running away from the gorilla he was playing chess against earlier but this time the gorilla has the fishing net.

Me: Anyway all of these are worth 5 crime bucks each so hands on your buzzers watch the monitor and listen closely here we go. Vic headed to the country of liberator Simon Boulevard name it.

Right buzzer

Jimmy: Venezuela

Me: Correct. He then water skied from Caracas to Trinidad & Tobago what sea did he cross?

Left buzzer

Me: Nigel

Nigel: the Caribbean

Me: Correct. Vic then headed to the capitol of Guyana name it.

Left buzzer

Me: Nigel

Nigel: Georgetown

Me: Is right, he then sprinted the spring across Guyana's eastern border what country is he in?

Middle buzzer

Me: Sakura

Sakura: Suriname

Me: That's correct; finally he headed to the capitol city of Cayenne name the country he's in.

Right buzzer

Me: Jimmy

Jimmy: French Guiana

Me: Is right so that means at the end of the chase Nigel and Sakura are tied with 105 crime bucks each and Jimmy starting to creep up on them with 90 crime bucks let's give them a big round of applause folks

Applause

Me: I also want to point out that all of our answers have been verified by National Geographic World

Authorpella: _National Geographic World_

Me: Now its time for the final clue of this round which means you have to decide how much you want to risk if you're right we'll add that amount to your score but if you're wrong we'll subtract it from your score you can risk: 0, 10, 20, 30, 40, or 50 ACME crime bucks take a look right over here please because here is a portion of the world where we think Vic the Slick is heading so if you know a lot about this part of the world you may want to risk a lot but if you don't then you not want to risk quite so much so take a look at the map and think about.

Authorpella: _Think about it How much you gonna risk yeah, yeah yeah think about it ooh!_

Me: Okay guys lay your answers in front of you for our last clue we turn to another agent this one from ACME Sea creatures net Spongebob Square pants.

Spongebob: Hey gumshoes listen carefully because I don't have much time. Vic is in a Central American country that borders Belize to be exact he's in Tikal the largest low land Mayan city ever discovered back in the 8th century 40000 Mayan people may have lived in Tikal they had paved roads, tall buildings and pyramid temples that stood over 20 stories high and you can still see some of it today. Nobody knows why they left Tikal maybe they heard Vic was coming well see ya gumshoes.

Me: Thanks Spongebob. Okay gumshoes name the country is it: Ecuador, Guatemala, or Nicaragua? Remember the clues we heard: Nation borders Belize, ancient city of Tikal and Mayan civilization this is the last one looks like everyone's ready Jimmy you had 90 crime bucks before you show me your answer how much did you risk?

Jimmy: I risked 30 crime bucks

Me: What did you say?

Jimmy: I said Ecuador

Me: Sorry Jimmy that's not the answer we're looking for that brings you down to 60 but anything can happen Sakura you had 105 crime bucks how much did you risk?

Sakura: I risked 10 crime bucks.

Me: Okay it will take you to 115 if you're right what did you say?

Sakura: I said Guatemala

Me: Guatemala is right

Applause

Me: Nigel you've been fighting for the lead with Sakura how much did you risk?

Nigel: I risked 20 crime bucks

Me: If you're right you and Sakura will move on what did you say?

Nigel: I said Guatemala

Me: And you are correct

Applause

Me: so the score ends up with Nigel having 120 crime bucks, Sakura at 115, and Jimmy with 60 congratulations to Nigel and Sakura because you're both going on to the next round.

Applause

Me: Jimmy listen you were a great detective we've put a little kit that's going to help you in your next case chief.

Shelby: Thanks for your help in trying to catch Vic the Slick my friend and for your efforts you get the official ACME travel pack and it includes: An atlas, the official Carmen watch, a Carmen tee-shirt, a subscription to National Geographic world magazine and a world ball great for half-court play, full-court play, or electing your own play tectonics. (Over the head without looking three point shot goes into the hoop) Yes! Congratulations.

Me: Nice shot chief okay guys its time to hit the road to Guatemala to try and track Vic the Slick and recover the source of The Nile you guys ready?

Both: Yep

Me: Well let's get going Sakura you take my hat Nigel you get the door we are out of here.

Scene change

A bunch of cars are literally trying to drive across a river.

Shelby: Airnaruto I heard the bridge is out.

Me: No problem chief.

Scene change

We arrive in Guatemala

Me: Okay guys here we are in Guatemala go stand over there the chief has some very important info for you.

I hit the side of the jail time challenge board and Shelby appears

Shelby: Gumshoes there are 15 places here in Guatemala where you might find Vic the Slick, the warrant or the source of the Nile lets look at a few of them: First Guatemala city the capitol of Guatemala and the largest city in Central America no rivers run through here so if you see one its stolen, next rummage through the ruins of Antigua back when it was the capitol this town was called the most noble and most loyal city of Saint James and the gentlemen of Guatemala but residents hated filling out address forms. That's your briefing gumshoes now go get that glommer in Guatemala.

Me: Will do chief okay guys I want to remind you that you have to find the loot, the warrant, and the crook in that order in a single turn and if you that then you get a chance to try and catch Carmen San Diego and if you catch her then you win the trip. Nigel you were ahead at the end of the last round so you go first.

Nigel: Lake Izabal

Me: Lake Izabal (1st panel on the bottom row from left to right)

The panel turns over to show…

Authorpella: the warrant!

Me: Wow first try you get the warrant so you get a free turn but remember Nigel you have to go loot, warrant, crook so be careful.

Nigel: San Francisco church

Me: San Francisco Church (2nd panel on the bottom row from left to right)

The panel turns over to reveal two footprints

Me: Okay nice job Nigel you've uncovered the warrant we'll turn these back around Sakura your turn.

Sakura: Tikal

Me: Tikal (Highest panel on the left)

Panel shows a footprint and a half.

Me: nothing there we'll turn it back around your turn Nigel.

Nigel: San Felipe castle.

Me: San Felipe castle (Highest panel on the right)

Two footprints

Me: Nothing there Sakura your turn

Sakura: Minerva Park

Me: Minerva Park (Panel on the far right in the second row)

Two footprints

Authorpella: Nothing

Me: Nope we'll turn them back around your turn Nigel

Nigel: National Theatre

Me: national theatre (3rd panel on the second row)

Two footprints

Me: Nope Sakura your turn

Sakura: temple of great Jaguar

Me: Temple of great Jaguar (right panel on the 3rd row)

Three footprints

Authorpella: meow

I laugh

Me: nothing there go ahead Nigel

Nigel: Antigua

Me: Antigua (3rd panel on the highest row)

Two very close footprints

Me: nothing there your turn Sakura

Sakura: Pinula Aqueduct (2nd panel on second row)

Two footprints

Me: Nothing there Nigel your turn

Nigel: Pan-American Highway (Left panel on the third row)

Three footprints

Me: nothing there and nothing from Authorpella Sakura your turn

Sakura: Santa Catarina

Me: Santa Catarina (far left panel on the 2nd row)

Two footprints

Authorpella: (buzzer noise)

Me: nothing there Nigel your turn.

Nigel: Volcan Del Fuego

Me: Volcan Del Fuego (middle panel on the third row)

Revealed is a picture of the spring with the loot label above it.

Authorpella: sprung spring

Me: Nice job Nigel you found the loot and you get a free turn.

Nigel: Lake Izabal

Me: Lake Izabal

Authorpella: the warrant

Me: Okay Nigel you have the loot, you have the warrant and all you need now is to find Vic go ahead.

Nigel: Lanquin caves

Me: Is Vic the Slick at Lanquin caves? (Panel on the far right on the bottom row)

Two footprints

Me: No he's not we'll turn all three back around your turn Sakura

Sakura: Volcan Del Fuego

Me: Volcan Del Fuego

Authorpella: Pilfered puddle

Me: go ahead Sakura

Sakura: Lake Izabal

Me: Lake Izabal

Authorpella: The warrant

Me: You have the loot; you have the warrant Sakura do you have any idea of where Vic the Slick is?

Sakura: La Aurora Airport

Me: Is Vic the Slick at the La Aurora Airport? (2nd panel on the right in the bottom row)

The panel turns over to reveal…

Authorpella: _Vic the Slick…Burundi! (Fanfare)_

Me: Yes he is come on over here Sakura nice job listen here's the deal now I want you to pull on this chain and put Vic in jail do it.

Sakura pulls on the chain a fog horn is heard and the scene changes to Vic standing in front of his cell wall before the doors are closed on him

Authorpella: _Vic the Slick's in jail!_

Applause

Me: sorry if I have to cut this short for now but still it's getting late but I will get the bonus round up in a few days so now we need to know where Carmen is well folks read and review and remember: vigilance, dedication, courage. See ya


	12. Tricky Trickle Trapper part 3

Chapter 12: Tricky Trickle Trapper part 3

Chapter 12: Tricky Trickle Trapper part 3

When we last left off Sakura had just captured Vic the Slick and was getting ready to go after Carmen San Diego but first I had to send Nigel off with a prize.

Me: Sakura we'll talk about your next adventure in a minute first Nigel you were a great detective we have a little something for you chief.

Shelby: I know how hard you've been working and how hard missed cases are on a young gumshoe so to cheer you up I've assembled an ACME travel pack and I'm giving you this world band radio to help you catch up with the whole world congratulations.

Applause

Me: Okay Sakura you know what's about to happen right?

Sakura: Right

Me: Right here is your portfolio with a piece of paper and a pen inside it I want you to write down where you would like to go if catch Carmen and get that trip boys hit it.

Authorpella: _Think about it where do you want to go? Think about it think_ _whoo!_

Me: fine choice little lady now all we need to know is where Carmen is and…

Phone rings

Me: I think we may get our answer right here. Hello? Yes she's right here hold on… (I turn to Sakura) it's for you.

I hand Sakura the phone

Sakura: Hello?

Vic: Darn that Carmen! I've gone from Salesman of the Century to starching' socks in the prison laundry. I'm climbing down the corporate ladder of success. Look for Carmen in Europe.

Me: What did he say Sakura?

Sakura: look for Carmen in Europe

Me: Okay so you and I are going to Europe chief.

Shelby: Here's a list of places Carmen may have traveled: Gibraltar, Spain, Italy, Luxembourg, Germany, Netherlands, Sweden, Estonia, Latvia, Slovakia, Croatia, Macedonia, Moldova. Airnaruto let's go to the map

Authorpella: I feel good

Sakura and I arrive at the map of Europe and stop at the position she needs to be at with her first marker in hand.

Me: You know what to do right Sakura?

Sakura: Right

Me: Remember 8 in 45 seconds or less and you win the trip so let's get 45 seconds up on the clock good luck Sakura on your mark get set go. Carmen went to Riga, Latvia.

45, 44, 43, 42

Siren blares

Me: Yes come on

41, 40, 39

Me: Amsterdam, the Netherlands

38, 37, 36, 35,

Siren blares

Me: Yes! Estonia

Siren blares

34, 33, 32, 31, 30

Me: yeah Milan, Italy

29, 28, 27, 26

Siren blares

Me: Yes

25, 24, 23,

Me: Croatia

Siren blares

22, 21, 20, 19,

Me: Spain

18, 17, 16, 15, 14

Siren blares

Me: Yes Germany

13, 12, 11, 10, 9

Siren Blares

8, 7, 6, 5

Me: Yes Luxembourg hurry this is the last one

4, 3, 2, 1

Siren Blares, bells ring

Me: Yes!

Applause

The Newspaper headline reads: Sakura Haruno captures Carmen

Me: You did it buddy how do you feel?

Sakura: Fine

Me: a little out of breath maybe as well huh?

Sakura: Yeah

Me: Listen a moment ago you wrote down where you wanted to go if you caught Carmen San Diego and got the trip you caught her that means you and a parent are going to….Memphis, Tennessee

Authorpella: Let's get packing

Me: Nice job give me five buddy. Listen you've done some great work for us today Sakura there's one more thing you have to do you know what it is.

Sakura and the audience: DO IT AUTHORPELLA!

The scene changes to the alleyway where all five members of Authorpella are doing some aerobics exercises.

DM: _Well, she sneaks around the world from Kiev to Carolina;  
she's a sticky-fingered filcher from Berlin down to Belize.  
She'll take you for a ride on a slow boat to China. Tell me_

X and Ranger: _Where in the world is…_

Jose: _Carmen San Diego?_

Ranger: _Steal their Seoul in South Korea, Make Antarctica cry "Uncle," from the  
Red Sea to Greenland, they'll be singing the blues.  
Well they never Arkansas her steal the Mekong from the jungle. Tell me_

Jose: _Where in the world is…_

X and Ranger: _Carmen San Diego?_

X, Ranger, and DM: _She goes from Nashville to Norway, Bonaire to Zimbabwe,  
Chicago, to Czech and Slovakia and back!_

Ranger and DM: _Well, she'll ransack Pakistan, and run a scam in Scandinavia,  
and then she'll stick 'em up down under and go pick-pocket Perth.  
She put the "Miss" in misdemeanor when she stole the beans from Lima. Tell me_

Ranger and X: _Where in the world is…_

Jose: _Carmen San Diego?_

Ranger: _Oh tell me…_

All five now head from the alley over to the map while singing the song and everyone leaves the seats to join in on the dancing on the map

All five: _Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? (7 times)_

Scene changes to the Chiefs office where Shelby is singing to the tune and dancing a little bit before she turns to the camera and says…

Shelby: this is Shelby Pytlak speaking for "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" And remember we at ACME follow hunches and we eat good healthy lunches (As she says that she takes a bite into a golden delicious apple)

The scene returns to the dance pit on the map.

Me: Well folks another episode in the book See ya next time and Remembers the ACME triangle of excellence: my left hand, my right hand, thumbs.

Shelby: Airnaruto!

Me: sorry I mean read and review and remember the true ACME triangle of excellence: vigilance, dedication, courage see ya.

Shelby: better now go away

Me: Yes mam


	13. Episode 5: Chumps D'Elysees

Chapter 13: episode 5 Chumps D'Elysees

Chapter 13: episode 5 Chumps D'Elysees

Shelby: Today's episode Chumps D'Elysees or Arch Criminal.

The scene changes to Shelby sitting at her desk in her office

Shelby: Gumshoes Carmen San Diego and her school of scalawags have struck again this time they pinched a pivotal landmark in Paris France. The splendid Arc d triomphe was commissioned by Napoleon to be built to honor the French army but Napoleon's fortunes didn't last long but the arc has stood ever since until last night that is….

The scene changes to Paris in the middle of the night where we see a huge brawny woman with a green beehive haircut, and a purple workout outfit on standing in the middle of the street her name: Eartha Brute Carmen's beefy, bull headed burglar.

Shelby: When Eartha Brute that brawny burglar barged up the road and hauled off the arc. There will be darkness in the city of lights until their beloved monument is returned. Your mission gumshoes is to bag the brute, return the Arc d triomphe to Paris and then put an end to Carmen San Diego's criminal career.

The crowd going nuts with applause

Shelby: They've ripped off the goods now chase down those hoods

Authorpella: _Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?_

The scene changes to the newsstand in the alley

Shelby: And one of these people could find her.

Jose: Angela Anaconda

Applause

Jose: Gordy Reinhardt

Applause

Jose: Nanette Manoir

Audience: Boo! (A/N: anyone who had ever watched Angela Anaconda the TV show you could probably guess why Nanette got booed)

I show up slapping five with the guys as I head for the door.

Shelby: and this man is special agent in charge of training new recruits Airnaruto45

Applause

Me: Hey everyone, hey gumshoes listen you've heard about the case lets get started each of you will get 50 ACME crime bucks and anytime you answer a question correctly we'll give you 10 more crime bucks and the two of you with the highest scores at the end of this round will then proceed to the next round and as always all of our answers have been verified by National Geographic world.

Authorpella: _National Geographic world_

Me: Go chief

Shelby: Airnaruto Eartha Brute has stolen the Arc d triomphe and there's no time to lose here's the dirt on Eartha

The file cabinet opens and out pops Eartha's file

Authorpella: Eartha Brute Ba, duba-doo! Shoo-BOP! Shoo-BOP! Earth-a Brute!! HUH!

Shelby: She's as strong as an ox but her head's full of rocks

The scene changes back to the chief's desk where Shelby is paying a game of jacks.

Shelby: Airnaruto you may know this game as jacks but where Eartha is its called knucklebone it's popular with young people there. Eartha parked the Arc in Dakar and went to a wrestling match it's one of the most popular sports in country while wrestlers, punch, kick, and bite their opponents the spectators shout, whistle and curse out the competitors, needless to say Eartha had a great time I prefer knucklebone myself.

Shelby bounces the ball and collects all the jacks before catching the ball again.

Shelby: Yes!

Me: Wow I never realized she was that good. Okay guys name the West African nation is it: Togo, Liberia, or Senegal? Remember the clues we just heard: In Dakar, game of jacks known as knucklebone, and wrestling a popular sport. Come up with an answer as quick as you can looks like everyone's ready Angela what did you say?

Angela: I said Senegal

Me: Okay Gordy what about you

Gordy: I said Senegal

Me: And Nanette?

Nanette: I said Senegal

Me: Everyone said the same thing everyone is right nice job

Applause for everyone except Nanette

Me: so everyone goes up to 60 crime bucks for our next clue we go to a guy in a tuxedo watch.

The guy is actually a penguin.

Talking penguin: I'm a king penguin and you know what I hate? Tuxedo jokes and that Eartha Brute really bugs me too she's here in Antarctica in fact she's at the same spot where a boat load of humans first landed in 1821 up north on the Antarctic Peninsula they were looking for seals. Seals are another thing that bug me they're furry they have whiskers and they bark. Are they just wet dogs with fins or what? So get down here and catch Eartha and lay off the tux jokes.

Me: sorry about that okay gumshoes name the Antarctic region is it: Hughes Bay, Cape Filchner, or McMurdo Sound? Remember the clues we just heard: Antarctic Peninsula, humans landed there in 1821, and king penguins. Looks like everyone is ready Angela what did say?

Angela: I said Hughes Bay

Me: Okay Gordy?

Gordy: Hughes Bay

Me: and Nanette

Nanette: Hughes Bay

Me: Once again everybody's right nice job

Applause

Me: so everyone now goes up to 70 crime bucks for our next clue…

Knock on the door

Me: Hold on a second guys

I open the door to find Jose wearing a delivery suit with Ranger in his arms tied up in seaweed and wearing cement shoes.

Jose: Delivery

Me: Oh yes could you set him down right here please?

Jose: Sure

Me: thanks

Jose: Listen pal I need you to sign this (holds out a pad)

Ranger reaches his hand out to sign it but I cut him off.

Me: No not you buddy (I sign it) There you go.

Jose: Thanks see ya

Me: see ya.

I turn towards Ranger.

Me: Tough work huh pal? I pat him on the back causing him to spit up the sea water.

Audience laughs

Ranger: Eartha keelhauled me all the way up the Orinoco River. (He leans forward

Me: Whoa uh buddy we need more information.

Ranger: Then she threw me into Lake Maracaibo with cement shoes. (He leans backwards)

Me: We need just a little bit more buddy don't die on us yet.

Ranger: And then she fished me out and tossed me over Angel Falls the highest waterfall in the world (all while leaning back and forth with me trying to catch him until he says the last part)

Me: highest waterfall huh that would have to be very, very, very…..

I get cut off by a Thud.

THUD

Me: Hey…okay the dying informant ladies and gentlemen.

Applause

Me: Alright gumshoes name the country is it: Bolivia, Venezuela, or Colombia? Remember the clues we just heard: Orinoco River, Lake Maracaibo, and Angel falls the highest waterfall in the world. Come up with an answer as quick as you can and it looks like every one is ready Angela what did you say?

Angela: I said Venezuela

Me: Okay Gordy what about you

Gordy: I also said Venezuela

Me: Okay and Nanette

Nanette: I said Venezuela

Me: Once again everyone says the same thing and everyone is right nice job guys.

Applause

Me to Ranger who is on the floor: Uh Ranger. Ranger

Ranger: What?

Me: do you want to get ready for that next wardrobe change?

Ranger: the what?

Me: the wardrobe change

Ranger: Oh yeah.

Ranger leaves the area

Me: Be careful. Anyway so everyone now has 80 crime bucks for our next clue we go to…

Thunder and lightning

Me: Okay you guys know what that sound means it's time for the lightning round which means all of these questions are going to be about Eartha's most recent known whereabouts which is Venezuela all correct answers will be worth 5 crime bucks so hands on your buzzers listen carefully and here we go. Question 1: The Orinoco Delta is home to many exotic animals but is most known for being the home of the world's largest snake is it: The King cobra, the boa constrictor or the Anaconda?

Left buzzer

Me: Angela

Angela: The anaconda

Me: anaconda is right nice job five for you

Applause

Me: Question two: Europeans first migrated to Venezuela looking for gold but what is Venezuela's biggest export?

Left buzzer

Me: Angela

Angela: Oil

Me: Oil is right nice job another five for you

Applause

Me: Question three: The Orinoco delta is not only home to the worlds largest snake it is also the home of the world's largest rodent is the rodent: The tapir, the echidna, or the capybara?

Middle buzzer

Me: Gordy

Gordy: The capybara?

Me: the capybara is right nice job

Applause

Me: so after three and the lightning round Angela has 90 ACME crime bucks, Gordy has 85, and Nanette has 80 for our next clue….

Shelby appears on the monitor on her desk the size of a bug.

Shelby (In a high pitched voice): Airnaruto come into my office and hurry.

Me: Yes mam I'll be right back guys something's wrong with the chief.

I enter the chief's office but I don't see her.

Me: chief, chief, hmm that's funny…whoa (after spotting her) look at the size of that bug on the chief's desk maybe this book will put it out of its misery!

Just as I'm about to lower the book the bug speaks.

Shelby: No Airnaruto it's me the chief!

Me: Chief is that you? That's an incredible disguise. How did you get so tiny?

Shelby: The gang at ACME shrinking stuff net accidentally shrunk me and the effects haven't worn off yet.

Me: Well that's too bad chief I guess you could say they made a tiny mistake

I snicker

Shelby: Airnaruto…

Me: It was just a little joke chief come on look on the bright side you'll never be to work because you know all the shortcuts.

I laugh

Shelby: Airnaruto…

Me: Come on you can always get work as a short order cook

I laugh harder

Shelby: That will be quite enough Airnaruto now you go back and tell the gumshoes that the one who captures Carmen San Diego will get an all expenses paid trip to anywhere in North America.

Applause

Me: Well that's good chief a little wee bit of incentive

I laugh

Shelby: you're making me mad Airnaruto

Me: Now chief don't get short tempered. I mean you can always get into the movies for half price you'll be the last one to know that it's raining….

At that moment the shrinking effects wear off and Shelby grows back to her normal height then she stares at me intently while standing on her desk.

Shelby: Airnaruto….

Me: h-h-hi chief

Shelby bends down to my eye level

Shelby: Go away

Me: yes mam

I leave the office

The scene changes back to my office

I turn to the readers

Me: It doesn't really matter I ran out of short jokes anyway

Audience laughs

Me: Okay gumshoes remember we're still looking for Eartha Brute and the Arc d triomphe but fortunately ACME bug net has just picked off this phone conversation between Eartha Brute and Carmen San Diego watch.

Me: I going to end the chapter right here so there you have it the opening part to the 5th of this 10 episode attempt at writing an old PBS kids game show in my own way. Next time the phone tap, the chase, and the jail time challenge. So read and review folks


	14. Chumps D' Elysees part 2

Chapter 14: Chumps D'Elysees part 2

Chapter 14: Chumps D'Elysees part 2

We rejoin the show with the phone tap.

Eartha: Carmen how long do I have to carry this arc around?

Carmen: Quit whining ACME is on your tail Brute I want you to hide the arc behind the Barrier Reef off the Caribbean coast of Central America then head inland to where the howler monkeys live.

Eartha: How do I find them?

Carmen: They sound like this (Imitates a howler monkey) you can hear their cries from almost a mile away.

Eartha: Hey sounds like my brother.

Me: some how that wouldn't surprise me, anyway gumshoes name the Central American nation is it: Honduras, Belize, or Guatemala? Remember the clues we heard off the Barrier reef on The Caribbean Coast of Central America and home to howler monkeys come up with your answers as quick as possible and it looks like everyone is ready Angela what did you say?

Angela: I said Belize

Me: Okay Gordy

Gordy: I said Guatemala

Me: and Nanette

Nanette: I said Guatemala

Me: Well the correct answer we were looking for is Belize nice job Angela

Applause

Me: so Angela goes up to 105 Gory stays at 85 and Nanette stays at 80 crime bucks but I've just received word that Eartha has left Belize so its time to pick up the chase

Authorpella: Oooh the chase!

In this chase X passes by with a tool box in his arms while DM follows him with a stone wheel and right behind both of them is Ranger still in his dying informant outfit plus the cement shoes.

Ranger: Come you guys I need that let me have it.

Me: The wardrobe change joke. Anyway all correct answers will be worth 5 crime bucks each so hands on your buzzers watch the monitor and listen carefully here we go: Eartha took the Arc to Bombay name the country she's in.

Left Buzzer

Me: Angela

Angela: India

Me: India is right. From Bombay she splashed over the capitol of Saudi Arabia name it.

Middle buzzer

Me: Gordy

Gordy: Riyadh

Me: Riyadh is right from there she went north by northwest across the national border what country is she in now?

Left buzzer

Angela: Iraq

Me: Iraq is right she then took a zeppelin and dropped the arc off on the southwest side of Mount Everest what country is she in now?

Middle buzzer

Me: Gordy

Gordy: Nepal

Me: That's right finally she then hauled directly to Ulan Bator in Mongolia what desert did she pass through

Right buzzer

Me: Nanette

Nanette: Gobi

Me: Gobi is right so at the end of the chase round Angela has 115 crime bucks Gordy has 95 and Nanette has 85 give them a hand folks

Applause

Me: Okay now it's time for the final clue of this round which means you have to decide how much you want to risk if you're right we'll add that amount to your score but if you're wrong we'll subtract it from your score you can risk 0, 10, 20, 30, 40, or 50 ACME crime bucks take a look over here at the monitor please because here is a portion of the world where we think Eartha's heading so if you know a lot about this part of the world you may want to risk a lot but if you don't then you may not want to risk quite so much so take a look at the map and think about it.

Authorpella: _Think about it how much you gonna risk yeah, yeah, yeah? Think about it woo._

Me: Okay looks like everyone is ready for our last clue we turn to an informant from ACME Weinerville net here's Boney.

(Boney of course is just a small T-Rex Skeleton who is especially very rude and shouts at the end of each of sentences and always finishes with yelling NOW GET OUT OF HERE!)

Boney: Okay gumshoes I spotted Eartha hiding out in a city on the eastern bank of the Yangtze River which has been inhabited for thousands of years, and twice this past century it was named the capitol of China but not any more now it's a bustling commercial center that's the capitol of the province of Jiangsu that's all I know so good luck and GET OUT OF HERE! I'm Boney, I'm Boney, leave me alone…y.

Me: I really wish he would stop shouting anyway name the city gumshoes is it: Shanghai, Nanjing or Beijing? Remember the clues we just heard on eastern bank of the Yangtze River, commercial center and twice last century it was named the capitol of China. Looks like everyone is ready Nanette we'll start with you. You had 85 crime bucks before you show me your answer how much did you risk?

Nanette: I risked 40 crime bucks

Me: hmm interesting wager you'll be back in the game if you're right what did you say?

Nanette: I said Nanjing

Me: Nanjing is right

Audience: BOO!

Me: Takes you up to 125, Gordy you had 95 crime bucks how much did you risk?

Gordy: I risked 20 crime bucks

Me: It will take you to 115 if you're right what did you say?

Gordy: I said Shanghai

Me: Sorry Gordy that's wrong you're going to drop to 75 but this isn't over yet Angela you've been ahead for most of the game how much did you risk?

Angela: I risked 10 crime bucks

Me: Okay so right or wrong you and Nanette will move on to the next round what did you say?

Angela: I said Nanjing

Me: And that is right which takes you up to 125 tying you with Nanette and you both will move on to the next round

Applause

Me: Gordy listen you were a great detective but don't feel bad we've assembled a kit that will help you in your next case chief.

Shelby: it's the official ACME travel pack and it includes: an atlas, the official Carmen watch, a Carmen tee-shirt, a subscription to National Geographic World Magazine and to help you with your three point play this world ball. (Shelby shoots the ball but it misses the hoop) congratulations

Me: Well chief you can't sink them all okay ladies now we have to go to…

I get cut off by Ranger standing outside the window asking for someone to give him a hammer to break his feet free.

Ranger: Hey does anyone have a hammer or a pick axe

Me: Ranger the wardrobe change you have to hurry. Sorry about that he has to hurry but I want you to know that we don't send our agents out into the field unprepared chief how about a briefing.

Shelby's office

Shelby: The gang down at ACME photo recon have put together a few slides on Nanjing have a look. Nanjing has been inhabited since prehistoric times but its golden age began with the Ming dynasty this statue stands outside of the Ming tomb where the first Ming emperor is buried and speaking of tombs here is the tomb of Doctor Sun Yat-sen on the wall are his three principles of the people: Nationalism, democracy, and people's livelihoods and note that none of them involve being a crook but not all of Nanjing looks to the past today Nanjing is a bustling industrial center where they even have TV factories and what is the favorite show among the Chinese people? Hollywood squares no I'm just kidding those are actually silkworms spinning their cocoons, one strand of Chinese silk can measure up to 3000 feet long but gumshoes now is not the time to hide in a cocoon Eartha Brute has taken the Arc d' triomphe to Nanjing go get her.

The gumshoes and I arrive at Nanjing

Me: Okay ladies here we are in Nanjing let me show you what we have, here are the possible locations where you'll be able to find Eartha, the arc, and a warrant for Eartha's arrest now the first thing you have to find is the loot that's the evidence you'll need so you can get a warrant and once you get the warrant then you can arrest the crook, connect all three of those things in that order in a single turn and you then you get a chance to try and catch Carmen San Diego, catch Carmen San Diego and you get that free trip to anywhere in North America one more thing if you find the loot, the warrant, or the crook you get a free turn but before we begin at the end of the last round so to determine who goes first we're going to flip a coin Angela call it in the air.

I flip the coin

Angela: Heads

I catch the coin

Me: Okay Nanette what is it?

Nanette: It's heads

Me: Okay Angela you go first

Angela: The purple mountains

Me: The purple mountains (far right panel on the top row)

Two footprints

Me: Nothing there but we're on our way Nanette

Nanette: The Train Station

Me: the Train station (Far right panel on the bottom row)

Two footprints

Me: No nothing there Angela

Angela: the Yangtze Bridge

Me: The Yangtze Bridge (Far left panel on the second row)

Two footprints

Me: Nope not there Nanette your turn

Nanette: Ming tomb

Me: Ming tomb (Far left panel on the last row)

Authorpella: _Eartha Brute Huh! _

Me: Okay nice job you've found Eartha but remember Nanette its loot warrant crook so use some strategy

Nanette: Jingling Hotel

Me: Jingling hotel (middle panel on the third row)

Two footprints

Me: Okay I wont waste anymore of Nanette's time nothing there your turn Angela

Angela: The Bank of China

Me: The Bank of China (Far right panel on the second row)

Authorpella: _The Warrant_

Me: Okay you got the warrant but Angela I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Nanette you have to get in the right order loot, warrant, crook so be careful.

Angela: the purple mountains

Me: The purple mountains

Two foot prints

Me: good strategy we'll turn both of them back around we now know where the warrant and Eartha Brute are your turn Nanette

Nanette: Nanjing Observatory

Me: Nanjing Observatory (Left panel on the third row)

Three footprints

Me: Nothing there Angela your turn

Angela: Beamless hall

Me: Beamless hall (Second panel on the left in the bottom row)

Authorpella: _Power source of Paris_

Me: Okay you found the loot the question is. Do you remember where the other two are?

Angela: The Bank of China

Me: The Bank of China

Authorpella: _The warrant_

Me: Okay Angela you have the loot, you have the warrant do you remember where Eartha Brute is?

Angela: Ming tomb

Me: Is she still in the Ming tomb

Authorpella: _Eartha Brute Huh! You've won (Fanfare)_

Me: Nice job Angela now I want you to pull on this chain and put Eartha in jail do it.

Fog horn blows

Scene change to Eartha being put behind bars

Authorpella: _Eartha Brute huh…'s in jail_

Applause

Me: Nice job Angela we'll talk about your next adventure in a bit but first Nanette you were a great detective you tracked Eartha all the way here we have something special for you chief.

Shelby: When you're on the go and need the right word the fastest way to find it is with this handy pocket translator take this with you where ever you go. Hmm I wonder how to say stop the woman in the red fedora in Danish (She types it in) Oh that's interesting…congratulations.

Me: Well its almost dinner time for me so I'll end this chapter here next time Angela goes after Carmen San Diego read and review and remember: vigilance, dedication, courage. See ya


	15. Chumps D' Elysees part 3

Chapter 15: Chumps D' Elysees part 3

Chapter 15: Chumps D' Elysees part 3

When we last left off Angela Anaconda had just caught Eartha Brute and was now about to go after Carmen San Diego.

Me: Okay Angela you've done a great job so far you got the Arc back, you caught Eartha Brute all that's left now is catch Carmen San Diego but before we do we have some paperwork for you here is our portfolio and inside you'll find a piece of paper and a pen what I want you to do is write down where you would like to go if you catch Carmen and win the trip do it.

Authorpella: _Think, think, and think about it where do you want to go think about think ooh. _

Me: I've seen this one before but I don't anyone's ever gotten it Angela but listen you've had a great day now we have to catch Carmen the problem is we don't know where she's hiding…

Phone rings

Me: But I think this phone call might help us out…Hello yes she's right here hold on (I turn to Angela) it's for you

Angela: Hello?

Eartha: Uh-oh if Carmen finds out I'm in jail again I'll get fired for sure. Do me a favor and don't mention that you caught me when you're chasing her through South America.

Me: What did Eartha say?

Angela: She said that we have chase Carmen through South America

Me: Okay then Angela you and I are heading for South America chief.

Shelby: Here's a list places Carmen may have traveled: Ecuador, Peru, Colombia, Chile, Venezuela, Bolivia, Argentina, Guyana, Brazil, Paraguay, Suriname, Uruguay, French Guiana. Airnaruto lets go to the map.

Authorpella: I feel good

The scene changes to the map of South America, Angela and I arrive but strangely enough so does Ranger who is back in his standard outfit except for the fact that he still hasn't gotten his cement shoes off.

Ranger: Airnaruto I need some help please give me hand do you have a hammer I really need to get these things off.

Me: Ranger I'm sorry we have the endgame to do and you have a song so go get ready for it.

Ranger as he leaves: You never help me.

Me: Sorry about that Angela but you know what this about right?

Angela: You got it

Me: Let me explain for those may not know what you have to do is track Carmen San Diego through 8 different countries identifying each with a marker if you're right you'll hear this sound

Siren blares

Me: But if by chance you're wrong you'll hear this sound

Two-tone buzzer

Me: Now if you hear that sound two times leave the marker where it is come on back and we'll continue but if you're right 8 times in 45 seconds or less then you'll win that trip how does that sound?

Angela: Great because then I won't have to put up with Ninny wart

Me (Laughing): I wish none of has had to put up with her. Let's go over here, grab a marker, let's get 45 seconds on the clock cheer her on guys on your mark, get set, go Carmen went Rock stone, Guyana.

45, 44

Siren blares

Me: That's 1

43

Me: Carmen went to Sau Paulo Brazil

42, 41, 40,

Siren blares

Me: Yeah

39, 38, 37

Me: Bogotá, Colombia

36, 35, 34

Siren blares

Me: Yeah

33, 32, 31

Me: La Paz Bolivia

30, 29, 28

Siren blares

Me: Yeah

27, 26, 25

Me: French Guiana

24, 23, 22

Siren blares

Me: Yeah

21, 20, 19

Me: Peru

18, 17, 16

Siren Blares

Me: Yeah

15, 14, 13

Me: Venezuela

12, 11, 10

Siren blares

Me: Yes

9, 8,

Me: Argentina, hurry Angela, hurry

7, 6, 5, 4

Siren blares

Me: Yes you did it

Newspaper headline reads "Angela Anaconda captures Carmen"

The scene changes back to Angela and me.

Me: You did it my friend how do you feel?

Angela: Great on the count of I've finally proven that I'm not just a girl who's good at only clapping chalk erasers clean.

Me: Well listen a little while ago you wrote down where you wanted to go if you caught Carmen San Diego and you did it that means you and a parent are going to…(I open the portfolio) Kitty Hawk, North Carolina.

Applause

Authorpella: Let's get packing

Me: Give me five Angela

We slap five

Me: Listen Angela you've done a lot of stuff for us today but there's one more thing you have to do you know what it is…

All: DO IT AUTHORPELLA!

The scene changes to Authorpella sitting in the alley but Ranger is still stuck in his cement shoes

DM: _Well, she sneaks around the world from Kiev to Carolina;  
she's a sticky-fingered filcher from Berlin down to Belize.  
She'll take you for a ride on a slow boat to China. Tell me_

X and Ranger: _Where in the world is…_

Jose: _Carmen San Diego?_

Ranger: _Steal their Seoul in South Korea, Make Antarctica cry "Uncle," from the  
Red Sea to Greenland, they'll be singing the blues.  
Well they never Arkansas her steal the Mekong from the jungle. Tell me_

Jose: _Where in the world is…_

X and Ranger: _Carmen San Diego?_

X, Ranger, and DM: _She goes from Nashville to Norway, Bonaire to Zimbabwe,  
Chicago, to Czech and Slovakia and back!_

Ranger and DM: _Well, she'll ransack Pakistan, and run a scam in Scandinavia,  
and then she'll stick 'em up down under and go pick-pocket Perth.  
She put the "Miss" in misdemeanor when she stole the beans from Lima. Tell me_

Ranger and X: _Where in the world is…_

Jose: _Carmen San Diego?_

Ranger: _Oh tell me…_

All five members of the group head toward the map while everyone is dancing Ranger goes around and tries to find someone who can pull his cement shoes off he gets lucky when a boy named Charlie Brown is able to pull them off.

Everyone on the map: _Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? (7 times)_

The scene changes back to Shelby's office doing her usual dance jig before she spots the camera.

Shelby: this is Shelby Pytlak speaking for "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" And remember we stop villains we catch crooks and some of us are even gourmet cooks. She then returns to her jig.

The scene returns to the map where Ranger joins in the fun even though he only has his socks on.

Me: Well another day another capture of Carmen so read and review guys and remember the ACME triangle of excellence: vigilance, dedication, courage. See ya


	16. Episode 6: The Great Train Slobbery

Episode 6: the Great Train Slobbery

Episode 6: the Great Train Slobbery

Shelby: Today's episode: The Great Train slobbery. Gumshoes Carmen San Diego's pack of pilfering predators has pounced again this time it happened the vast frozen region of the Russian republic built in segments in over 25 years the Trans-Siberian railroad is the longest rail line on earth it stretches from Moscow in the west over plains, deserts, rivers, and three different mountain ranges on its way east to Vladivostok on the sea of Japan that's over 5000 miles of track jack, the railroad is the only link to the outside world to many people in Russia or it was until today….

The scene changes to the railroad station where a fat guy with flies hovering around him wearing pilot sunglasses, an orange vest, ripped blue jeans, having greasy black hair and a black beard, riding an out of date smog producing motorcycle, and a black tee-shirt sneaks on board the train he is the most disgusting criminal in Carmen's gang figuratively and literally his name Top Grunge.

Shelby: Until Top Grunge that gross grease ball with a permanent cold rode on the railroad and rolled off with it. Gumshoes its up to you to get it back your mission: rescue the railroad, grab grunge and then capture Carmen San Diego

The scene changes to the map as Shelby gets ready to say her catch phrase

Shelby: The loot is gone and the chase is on.

Authorpella: _Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?_

The scene changes to the alley newsstand.

Shelby: and one of these people could find her

Jose: Shikamaru Nara

Applause

Jose: Ino Yamanaka

Applause

Jose: Chouji Akimichi

Applause

I go through the alley body crashing with the Authorpella guys while Shelby introduces me.

Shelby: And this man is special agent in charge of training new recruits Airnaruto45

I enter the room

Me: Hi guys

Applause

Me: Hey gumshoes you've heard about the case so to get you started we'll give each of you 50 ACME crime bucks and any time you answer a question correctly we'll give you 10 more crime bucks and the two of you with the highest totals at the end of this round will proceed to the next round okay?

Gumshoes: yep

Me: Go chief.

Shelby: Airnaruto Top Grunge has stolen the Trans-Siberian railroad and there's no time to loose now here's the grease on grunge.

The scene changes to the file cabinet where Grunge's file pops out of it

Authorpella: _(Motorbike sounds) Top, Top, Top Grunge!_

Shelby: He's got bummed sinuses and bad, bad body odor.

The scene returns to the chief's office where several giant rubrics cubes are in front of Shelby who moves them out of the way.

Shelby: These puzzles were named after architect Erno Rubrik who used them as a teaching aid for his students in three-dimensional design now top Grunge mailed this one to me from Rubrik's hometown of Budapest and I can't seem to (tries to solve the puzzle with no luck) Dag nab it.

Me: Hey chief let me show you how to do it.

Shelby: Okay Airnaruto here you go but you'll never solve it. (She hands me the puzzle through the top of the TV so I get to work on solving it) (A/N: I stink at Rubrik's cubes) Anyway the railroad system in Budapest is called Germinant; now Grunge was last seen barreling down the Germinant tracks with his stolen Trans-Siberian train.

Me: There chief I got it (I show her the puzzle completely solved)

Shelby: How did you do that?

Me: Well you have to clear your mind free yourself from all outside distractions

Shelby: Airnaruto give that to me (I give her the puzzle) quit playing with toys there's a smelly crook on the loose get back to work.

Me: Okay guys name the country is it: Poland, Slovakia, or Hungary? Remember the clues we just heard: town of Budapest and home of Erno Rubrik come up with an answer as quick as you can and it looks like everyone is ready Shikamaru what did you say

Shikamaru: I said Hungary

Me: Okay Ino

Ino: I said Hungary

Me: and Chouji

Chouji: I picked Hungary

Me: Everyone said the same thing and everyone's right nice job

Applause

Me: So everyone goes up to 60 crime bucks nice job for our next clue we go to….

Glub, glub, glub,

Me: Wait a minute that can mean one of two things either my tugboat is stuck in a tar pit again or it's time for the plastic diver guy!

Authorpella: _Go! He lives a life of danger our underwater ranger the one and only plastic diver guy! _

The scene changes to the fish tank

Me: Hey PDG what's the bubble?

PDG: I saw Top Grunge on the beautiful island of St. Thomas, it has luxury hotels for the tourists but life is a little tougher for the locals many are poor and even though it's an American territory its residents are not allowed to vote for the president. They do have a senator but he can't vote on new laws he can only ask for them.

Authorpella: _Oh no, no, no, no, no_

PDG: Airnaruto it's that ominous music again I hate that it's oh no AHH!

A plunger descends into the tank and attacks PDG

TO BE CONTINUED

Authorpella: _the one and only plastic diver guy!_

Me: Come on plastic diver guy let's here it

Applause

Me: Okay gumshoes name the island group is it: Curacao, the US Virgin Islands, or the Bahamas? Remember the clues we just heard Island of St. Thomas, and American territory. Looks like everyone is ready Shikamaru what did you say?

Shikamaru: I said the US Virgin Islands

Me: Okay Ino

Ino: I said Curacao

Me: and Chouji?

Chouji: I chose US Virgin Islands

Me: the correct answer we were looking for is US Virgin islands nice job boys

Applause

Me: So that means that Shikamaru and Chouji go up to 70 and Ino stays at 60 still anyone's game at this point

Knock on the door

Me to the gumshoes: I'm not expecting anybody but I wonder who this could be?

I open the door to find

Ranger: (SCREAMS)

Me: Oh the dying informant, give me some time will you I'm a little behind, (I get some chalk for his usual dying point on the floor) Hey Ben could you throw me a pillow?

DBV throws me a pillow

Me: Thanks

I put the pillow down before turning to Ranger

Me: Okay

Ranger: (Scream) and collapses at the doorstep

Me: Okay buddy what happened?

Ranger: I was chasing Grunge but I got caught in the crossfire of the eternal fighting in Kinshasa! (Passes out)

Me: OH NO! So you were shot?

Ranger: No I was fine but then there was a herd of charging hippos along the banks of the Zaire River. (Ranger convulses before passing out again)

Me: so you were trampled then?

Ranger: No I got away but then Grunge tossed me into the Nyiragongo Volcano it's still active ouch hot, hot, hot, hot! (Passes out again)

Me: Oh so you were burned (Crying)

Ranger: No I wore my asbestos skinning

Me: Nice thinking so what's the problem?

Ranger: When I knocked on your door I got….(Lifts up his left index finger) a splinter! (Passes out again)

Audience laughs

Me: You know the next time Norm Abram shows up I'll have him take a look at that. Look thanks pal but we have a case to get to so good luck with that. (I shut the door)

Me: Okay gumshoes name the Central African nation is it: Uganda, The Democratic Republic of Congo, or Rwanda? Remember the clues we just heard: eternal fighting in Kinshasa, and hippos along the Zaire River. Okay everyone is ready so Shikamaru what did you say?

Shikamaru: I chose The Democratic Republic of Congo

Me: That's a mouthful anyway Ino what about you?

Ino: I said the DRC

Me: and Chouji

Chouji: I also said the DRC

Me: Everyone chose the same thing and everyone is right nice job gang

Applause

Me: So Shikamaru and Chouji have 80 and Ino is at 70 crime bucks now for our next….

Thunder and lighting sounds

Me: okay guys that means it's time for the lightning round which means all of these questions have to do with Top Grunge's last known whereabouts which is the DRC each correct answer will earn you 5 crime bucks so hands on your buzzers and listen carefully here we go. Is the DRC the world's largest producer of copper, diamonds, or rubber?

Right buzzer

Me: Chouji

Chouji: Diamonds

Me: That's right five for you

Applause

Me: Question two listen to this tune (A song plays for a small bit) this song is by a Zairian band leader named Sunny Acosuns is this style of music called hip-hop, polka, or high life?

Left buzzer

Me: Shikamaru

Shikamaru: High life

Me: That's correct

Applause

Me: Last question which group was the first to settle in the DRC was it the Pygmies, the Bedouins or the Belgians?

Left buzzer

Me: Shikamaru

Shikamaru: The Pygmies

Me: that's right nice job

Applause

Me: So after three and the lightning round Shikamaru has 90 crime bucks, Ino has 70, and Chouji has 85 nice job guys….

Shelby: Airnaruto come into my office on the double.

Me: Yes mam I'll be right back

The scene changes to Shelby's office and as I enter it shifts to the right

Me: Whoa chief what's going on in here?

Shelby: Well the office is being balanced today?

Me: balanced what you mean by that the mortgage isn't due for a few more weeks.

Shelby: Well as a building gets older it settles usually unevenly and every few years the ACME balancing bureau comes in and rebalance my office.

Me: No kidding.

Shelby: Nope

I shake a little to the left and the office tilts slightly in that direction and as usual I find it kind of fun.

Shelby: How close are you to nabbing Carmen?

Me: Well you know chief she is very elusive sometimes, sometimes she can be over here (I jump to the opposite side of the office causing the whole room to shift left) and when we think we've got her we got to move this way (I jump back to the right side of the office) Chief are you feeling okay?

Shelby: I get the point Airnaruto

Me: Well I'm sure because when I think of some of the capers she's pulled it would turn my stomach too. What do you think we should give the gumshoe that catches Carmen San Diego?

Shelby: How about a free trip to anywhere in North America?

Applause

Me: That's a good idea because that way if she's over there (I jump to the left side of the room again causing it to shift) we'll cut off and if she heads the other direction (I jump back to the right side of the room causing it to shift again)…

Shelby: Airnaruto

Me: chief you don't look so good.

Shelby: Airnaruto I'll feel a lot better when you go away!

Me: You know some day you're going to miss me (I jump back and forth a couple of more times before leaving).

The scene changes back to the main room I come back with a level in my hand.

Me: Hey guys check this out a little something that Norm Abram left the last time he was here(I place it in between two metal knobs) We're okay.

Audience laughs

Me: Okay gumshoes remember we're still looking for Top Grunge and the Trans-Siberian railroad fortunately for us ACME bug net has just intercepted this phone conversation between Top Grunge and Carmen San Diego watch.

Me: Well you know the routine with these stories by now so read and review folks.


	17. The Great Train Slobbery Part 2

The Great Train Slobbery Part 2

The Great Train Slobbery Part 2

Phone tap segment

Carmen: Turn your tracks towards the highest capitol city in the world La Paz.

Grunge: (Cough) But Carmen that's 12000 feet above sea level, the altitude is hard on my sinuses (snort)

Carmen: Well your smell is hard on mine so we're even when you get there hide out in the Balla de Diablo.

Grunge: What's that? (Sniff)

Carmen: It's Spanish for dance of the demons a huge festival held during Lent. There's a parade of dancers disguised as devils you'll have to get a costume.

Grunge: (Sniff) I don't need a devil costume (Cough) I already look like heck. (Sneeze)

Me: Yuck okay gumshoes name the country is it: Bolivia, Brazil, or Guyana? Remember the clues we just heard, 12000 feet above sea level, La Paz the highest capitol city in the world, and dance of the demons during Lent. Come up with an answer as quick as you can and it looks like everyone is ready Shikamaru what did you say?

Shikamaru: I said Bolivia

Me: Bolivia ok Ino what about you?

Ino: I also said Bolivia

Me: And Chouji

Chouji: I chose Bolivia also

Me: Well you guys are all right once again nice job.

Applause

Me: So Shikamaru you go up to 100 crime bucks Ino goes up to 80 crime bucks, and Chouji has 95 crime bucks good job gang but now I just got word that Top Grunge has left Bolivia so it's time to pick up the chase.

Authorpella: _ooh The Chase! _

In this chase X and DM are running with the giant Rubrik's cubes on their heads from a bald guy.

Me: Remember the Rubrik's cubes from earlier? Call back, anyway all correct answers are worth 5 crime bucks so hands on your buzzers watch the monitor, and listen carefully so here we go. Top Grunge turned his train tracks towards the capitol of Ontario Canada name it.

Left buzzer

Me: Shikamaru

Shikamaru: Toronto

Me: That's correct; he then headed south to New York what lake did he cross?

Right buzzer

Me: Chouji

Chouji: Ontario?

Me: That's correct; he then headed east to the city of Bangor name the state he's in.

Middle buzzer

Me: Ino

Ino: Maine

Me: right; Grunge then headed north what country is he in?

Right buzzer

Me: Chouji

Chouji: Canada

Me: That's right; Grunge is now back in the US heading south to the Bunker Hill battle site what state is he in?

Middle buzzer

Me: Ino

Ino: Massachusetts

Me: That's correct so that means at the end of the chase round Shikamaru and Chouji have 105 crime bucks each and Ino has 90 crime bucks nice job gang.

Applause

Me: now it's time for the final clue of this round which means you have to decide how much you want to risk if you're right we'll add that amount to your score but if you're wrong we'll deduct it from your score you can risk 0, 10, 20, 30, 40, or 50 ACME crime bucks take a look at the monitor please because here is a portion of the world where we think Grunge is heading now if you know a lot about this part of the world you may want to risk a lot but if you don't then you may not want to risk quite so much so look at the map and think about it.

Authorpella: _Think about it how much you gonna risk yeah, yeah, yeah? Think about it woo._

Me: Okay looks like everyone is ready for our last clue we turn to ACME wizard net agent Neville Longbottom

Neville: Oh hello there gumshoes, listen I saw Top Grunge head for the central region of the US from what I heard he tried to hide the Trans-Siberian Railroad in Abe Lincoln's nose but old Abe sneezed him out, but be careful around here it gets very dusty hence one of its nicknames the dust bowl, and with all that dust flying around Grunge would the place, the region itself is made of seven US states that's all I know gumshoes so good luck.

Me: Thanks Neville, okay gumshoes name the geographic region is it: The Southwest, New England, or The Great Plains? Remember the clues we just heard, made up of seven US states, Mount Rushmore, and Dustbowl. Looks like everyone's ready Ino we'll start with you. You had 90 crime bucks before you show me your answer how much did you risk?

Ino: I risked 20 crime bucks

Me: If you're right you'll take the lead what did you say?

Ino: I said the Great Plains

Me: Great Plains is the answer we're looking for nice job Ino

Applause

Me: Takes you up to 110, Chouji you had 105 crime bucks how much did you risk?

Chouji: I risked 40

Me: You'll take a huge lead if you're right what did you say?

Chouji: I said The Great Plains

Me: And you are also right Chouji my man

Applause

Me: That takes you up to 145, Shikamaru you also had 105 crime bucks how much did you risk?

Shikamaru: I risked 30

Me: Okay so if you're right then you and Chouji will advance to the next round what did you say?

Shikamaru: I said the Great Plains

Me: And you are also correct so that means Shikamaru and Chouji will move on congratulations boys

Applause

Me: Ino listen you were a great detective but don't feel down we've put a little kit together for your next mission/case chief.

Shelby: It's the official ACME travel pack and inside you'll find: An Atlas, the official Carmen tee-shirt, a subscription to National Geographic World magazine, and this voice identification badge and leave a message wallet.

The wallet: and our ACME voice identification badge and leave a message wallet.

Shelby: congratulations

Applause

Me: Thanks chief okay boys now we have to go to the Great Plains to find Top Grunge and get the Trans-Siberian Railroad back but first I want you to know that we don't send our agents out into the field unprepared hey chief how about a briefing?

The chief's office

Shelby: The gang down at ACME photo recon has put together a few slides on the Great Plains have a look.

Slide 1 Harvesting machines in the corn fields.

Shelby: The Great Plains a high and often grassy slope that runs through the middle of North America that produces most of its wheat and livestock.

Slide 2 the Crazy Horse memorial

Shelby: Check out the Crazy Horse memorial in South Dakota, this sculpture of the Sioux chief is still being built and when its done it maybe the largest sculpture in the world. Now check with these hoof net agents but keep your ears open because if you hear, moo, moo, choo, choo, achoo, achoo, then it's you know who. Although most of the region has been settled and cultivated it's still home to many wild animals like: deer, prairie dogs, rattlesnakes, and even these majestic bison, finally Nebraska's Carhenge similar to England's Stonehenge except that its made from scrap automobiles, now Top Grunge was so impressed he made his own monument out of used tissues and called it Phlegmhenge it sounds funny but it's gross. Top Grunge and the Trans-Siberian Railroad are somewhere in the Great Plains go get em gumshoes!

Scene change: Chouji, Shikamaru and I arrive at the Great Plains and I still have Norm's level with me for some reason.

Me: Okay boys here we are in the Great Plains, let me show you what we have…hold on a minute (I place the level on the board) we're okay.

Audience laughs

Me: Anyway here are the possible locations where you'll be able to find: Top grunge, the Trans-Siberian Railroad, and a warrant for Grunge's arrest. The first you have to find is the loot, that's the evidence you need so you can get a warrant and once you have the warrant then you can arrest the crook. Connect all three of those things in that order in a single turn then you get a chance to try and catch Carmen San Diego, catch Carmen San Diego and you win the free trip to anywhere in North America one more if you stumble upon the loot, the warrant, or the crook you get a free turn. Chouji you were ahead at the end of the last round you go first.

Chouji: Airnaruto I'll take the Science station.

Me: Science station (2nd panel on the left in the second row)

(Two footprints)

Me: Sorry nothing there Shikamaru your turn

Shikamaru: Mormon trail

Me: Mormon trail (panel on the far left in the last row)

(Two footprints)

Me: Nothing there but that trail cuts all the way through Nebraska Chouji your turn

Chouji: Black hills

Me: Which one?

Chouji: Black Hills

Me: Black Hills (far right panel on the second row)

(Two footprints)

Me: Nothing there Shikamaru your turn

Shikamaru: Drift Prairie

Me: Drift Prairie (panel on the far left in the second row)

Authorpella: _Come on gumshoes find the locomotion._ (The loot)

I laugh

Me: That's very nice. Nice job Shikamaru you found the loot you get a free turn

Shikamaru: Lake Sakakawea

Me: Lake Sakakawea (second panel on the left in the top row) that's a tough one to say

(Three footprints)

Me: Nothing there but you did find the loot that's good Chouji your turn.

Chouji: Busch Stadium?

Me: Busch Stadium (Far right panel on the top row)

(Two footprints)

Me: Not there but if you want to see the Cardinals play that's the place to go to, Shikamaru your turn.

Shikamaru: Drift Prairie

Me: Drift Prairie

Authorpella: _Oh that midnight train to Georgia._

I chuckle

Me: That was sweet go ahead Shikamaru

Shikamaru: University of Arkansas

Me: The University of Arkansas (Second panel on the left in the bottom row)

Authorpella: _The warrant!_

Me: Whoa you have the loot, you have the warrant can you find Top Grunge Shikamaru?

Shikamaru: Wind Cave National Park (Right panel on the third row)

Me: Is Top Grunge in Wind Cave National Park?

(Three footprints)

Me: No he's not we'll turn them back around Chouji your turn.

Chouji: Drift Prairie

Me: Drift Prairie

Authorpella: _Pardon me boy is that the Trans-Siberian choo-choo?_

Me: That was a sweet tune guys go ahead Chouji

Chouji: University of Arkansas

Me: University of Arkansas

Authorpella: The warrant.

Me: Okay Chouji can you find Top Grunge?

Chouji: Interstate 29

Me: Is Top Grunge on I-29 (Middle panel on the third row)

(Two footprints)

Me: No he's but if you want to get anywhere in the Great Plains that's the route to take Shikamaru your turn.

Shikamaru: Drift Prairie

Me: Drift Prairie

DM: Look boss the train, the train!

I laugh

Me: Go ahead Shikamaru

Shikamaru: University of Arkansas

Me: University of Arkansas

Authorpella: The warrant.

Me: okay Shikamaru can you find Top Grunge

Shikamaru: Carhenge

Me: Is Top Grunge at Carhenge? (second panel on the right on the top row)

Authorpella: _Top Grunge! You've won (Fanfare and confetti)_

Me: Nice job Shikamaru you got Grunge all you have to do now is pull on that chain and put him in jail do it.

Fog horn blows

The Scene changes to Top Grunge being put behind bars.

Authorpella: _Top Grunge….'s in jail_

Me: Well gang Shikamaru has caught Grunge next chapter he goes after Carmen so read and review to see if he catches her.


	18. The Great Train Slobbery part 3

The Great Train Slobbery Part 3

The Great Train Slobbery Part 3

We rejoin the show with Shikamaru having just captured Top Grunge.

Me: We'll talk about your next adventure in just a bit but first Chouji listen you were a great detective you tracked Grunge all the way her we have something special for you chief.

Shelby's office

Shelby: A gumshoe needs to be in touch with the whole world and that's why I'm giving you this world band radio so you can listen to broadcasts from all around the globe congratulations.

Applause

Back to Shikamaru and I

Me: Okay Shikamaru now you need to write down where you would like to go if you catch Carmen San Diego and get the trip I have a portfolio for you right here and inside you'll find a piece of paper and a pen do it.

Authorpella: _Think, think, think about it where do you want to go think about think ooh._

Me: Very nice choice now we have to find out where Carmen is and….

Phone rings

Me: I think this phone call may have something to do with it hello?

Norm Abram's shop

Norm: Airnaruto45 it's Norm Abram without an "s".

Me: Sorry Norm we thought it had the "s" we'll take it off

Norm Abrams replaced with Norm Abram

Back to Norm's shop

Norm: Listen you have to catch Carmen San Diego she ran off with my claw hammer, how am I supposed to build that scale model of the Eiffel tower out of oak wood without my claw hammer? You've got to do something Airnaruto45.

Me: Far be it from me to give advice Norm but I would just use a vice and nail gun.

Norm: Thanks Airnaruto45 bye.

Me: That was Norm Abram do you know who he is?

Shikamaru: No

Me: Norm's great unfortunately that wasn't the phone call we were looking for…

Phone rings again

Me: I think this might be it hello? Yes he's right here hold on it's for you Shikamaru.

Shikamaru: Hello?

Top Grunge: (Coughs) This Jail cell is awful. (Snort) No matter where I stand I'm never more than 12 feet away from the soap. (Cough) and it's all Carmen's fault go get her in Asia (Coughs violently)

Me: Ughh! What did he say?

Shikamaru: She's in Asia

Me: Amazing Norm Abram and Top Grunge in the same day so it looks like you and I are going to Asia chief.

Shelby: Here's a list of places Carmen may have traveled: Israel, Jordan, Caspian Sea, Persian Gulf, India, Russia, Uzbekistan, China, Myanmar, Mongolia, Thailand, Philippines, Japan. Airnaruto let's go to the map!

Authorpella: I feel good!

We arrive at the map

Me: You know what you have to do right?

Shikamaru: yes

Me: Let me explain for those who may not know what you have to do is track Carmen San Diego through 8 different locations identifying each with a marker if you're right you'll here this sound.

Siren

Me: But if you're wrong you'll hear this sound.

Two-tone buzzer

Me: Now if you here that sound twice on one marker leave the marker where it is come on back we'll continue but if you're right eight times in 45 seconds or less you'll win the trip and if you're looking for a body of water look for this red arrow sound good Shikamaru?

Shikamaru: Yep

Me to the crowd: Sound good to you guys

Audience: Yeah!

Me: Okay Shikamaru get into position grab a marker lets put 45 seconds on the clock good luck. On your mark get set go! Carmen went to Moscow Russia

45, 44,

Siren Blares

Me: Yes

43, 42

Me: New Delhi India

41, 40, 39,

Siren blares

Me: Yeah

38, 37, 36

Me: Caspian Sea

35, 34,

Siren blares

Me: Yes

33, 32

Me: Kyoto, Japan

31, 30, 29, 28

Siren blares

Me: Yeah!

27, 26

Me: Mongolia

25, 24

Siren blares

Me: Yeah!

23, 22, 21

Me: Uzbekistan

20, 19, 18

Siren blares

Me: Yes

17, 16, 15

Me: Philippines

14, 13, 12, 11

Siren blares

Me: Yes

10, 9, 8

Me: Israel hurry pal

7, 6, 5, 4

Siren blares

Me: Yes

Bells and sirens go off

Headlines read: Shikamaru Nara captures Carmen!

Me: My buddy you did it how do you feel?

Shikamaru: Great but tired.

Me: Okay now a moment ago you wrote down where you wanted to go if you caught Carmen San Diego and you did that means you and a parent are going to…Alaska.

Authorpella: Let's get packing!

Applause

Me: Listen Shikamaru you've done a lot of stuff for us today there's one more thing you have to do you know what it is.

Everyone: DO IT AUTHORPELLA!

Authorpella are standing in the main area with DM wearing one of my coats while X, Ranger, and Jose are at the contestant's podiums and D-dude is on the monitor in the chief's office.

DM: _Well, she sneaks around the world from Kiev to Carolina;  
she's a sticky-fingered filcher from Berlin down to Belize.  
She'll take you for a ride on a slow boat to China. Tell me_

X and Ranger: _Where in the world is…_

Jose: _Carmen San Diego?_

Ranger: _Steal their Seoul in South Korea, Make Antarctica cry "Uncle," from the  
Red Sea to Greenland, they'll be singing the blues.  
Well they never Arkansas her steal the Mekong from the jungle. Tell me_

Jose: _Where in the world is…_

X and Ranger: _Carmen San Diego?_

X, Ranger, and DM: _She goes from Nashville to Norway, Bonaire to Zimbabwe,  
Chicago, to Czech and Slovakia and back!_

Ranger and DM: _Well, she'll ransack Pakistan, and run a scam in Scandinavia,  
and then she'll stick 'em up down under and go pick-pocket Perth.  
She put the "Miss" in misdemeanor when she stole the beans from Lima. Tell me_

Ranger and X: _Where in the world is…_

Jose: _Carmen San Diego?_

Ranger: _Oh tell me…_

All five members of the group head toward the map while everyone is dancing and join in the fun while I try to get the crowd more into it

Me: A little louder and put your hands up.

Everyone on the map: _Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? (7 times)_

The Chief's office where Shelby is rocking along

Shelby: this is Shelby Pytlak speaking for "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" And remember our mission's not old it's sub literal we'll stop you cold if you're a criminal.

The scene changes back to the map with everyone still dancing to the beat and singing.

Me: Well folk that's another episode of this parody in the can so to speak so read, review, and remember the ACME triangle of excellence: Vigilance, dedication, courage. See ya next time.


	19. Episode 7: Stoneheist

Episode 7: Stoneheist

Episode 7: Stoneheist

Shelby: Today's episode Stoneheist. Gumshoes Carmen San Diego's fleet of fleecing flunkies has done it again this time they dropped the whammy on Wiltshire England. Around 4000 years ago ancient people built circle of huge slabs called Stonehenge no one knows who they were or what they were doing but at certain times of the year the position of the stones line up with the rising and setting of the sun and the moon so Stonehenge may have been an astronomical calendar or an ancient observatory…..

The scene changes to Salisbury Plains in England where a flying saucer approaches Stonehenge and driving it is a titanium plated thief with a robber's mask and a human face his name Robocrook think of him as the evil doppelganger of Robocop.

Shelby: But today it fell into the metallic mitts of Robocrook he stole every pebble of the monument and stomped off across Salisbury Plains. Gumshoes you've got to bring in Robocrook, bring back Stonehenge, and then bring and end to the career of Carmen San Diego.

The crowd cheers as the show gets started

Shelby: They've ripped off the goods now chase down those hoods

Authorpella: _Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?_

The scene changes to the alley newsstand where the gumshoes are standing.

Shelby: And one of these people could her

Jose: Sam Dullard

Applause

Jose: Chuckie Finster (AGU)

Applause

Jose: Aka Pella (Histeria ask Jussonic about her maybe he can help you)

I show up running in slow motion to the door as Shelby introduces me.

Shelby: And this man is special agent in charge of training new recruits Airnaruto45

Applause

Me: Hi folks, hi gumshoes listen I'm sure that you've heard about the case so lets get started by giving each of you 50 ACME crime bucks every time you answer a question correctly we'll give you 10 more crime bucks and the two of you with the highest scores at the end of this round will proceed to the next round and as always all of our answers have been verified by National Geographic World

Authorpella: _National Geographic World_

Me: Go ahead chief.

Shelby: Airnaruto Robocrook has stolen Stonehenge and there's no time to lose now here's the rap on Robo.

Authorpella: _(Clink) (Clank) Robocrook! (Clink) (Clank) Robocrook!_

Shelby: He's a rusting robber in heavy metal make up and here's what we know so far. Where Robo is head this gesture (Lifts her finger to just below her eye) means caution, Robo's in a Central American country in the Copan River Valley at the ruins of a Mayan city that thrived until 1200 AD: Platforms, pyramids, plazas, courts, and arenas, make this the greatest archeological discoveries in the Americas but if he's not there try the nation's capitol Tegucigalpa and remember gumshoes (Lifts finger just below her eye again) caution Airnaruto.

Me: thanks chief okay gumshoes name the Central American country is it: Costa Rica, Honduras, or Panama? Remember the clues we just heard, Copan River valley, Tegucigalpa, and greatest archeological find in the Americas. Come up with your answers as quick as you can and it looks like everyone is ready Sam what did you say?

Sam: I said Honduras

Me: Okay Chuckie

Chuckie: I said Honduras as well

Me: And Aka

Aka: I said Honduras

Me: Everyone said the same thing and everyone is right nice job gang.

Applause

Me: For our next clue have a field report from ACME Sannin net agent Lady Tsunade.

Tsunade: Okay Airnaruto you and the gumshoes better listen well to this. Robo is in South America in a Brazilian state with the world's largest tropical rainforest that's named after a river that's longer than the distance between the Northeastern US and England. Rainforests help stop global warming and destroying them could cause worldwide flooding that's all I know gumshoes good luck.

Me: Thank you Lady Tsunade (under my breath) old hag.

She hears it runs all the way to the USA finds the studio, and then…..

WHAM!

I get punched through a wall.

Tsunade: What was that?!

Me: Nothing.

Tsunade: Good

She leaves.

Me: Anyway gumshoes, name the Brazilian state is it: Pernambuco, Amazonas, or Mato Grosso? Remember the clues we heard, home of the world's largest tropical rainforest, and river with a distance longer than the distance between Northeastern US and England looks like everyone's ready Sam what did you say?

Sam: Amazonas

Me: Okay Chuckie

Chuckie: Amazonas

Me: And Aka what did you say?

Aka: I said Amazonas

Me: Once again everyone is right nice job

Applause

Me: So that means that everyone now has 70 crime bucks for our next clue….

Blub, blub, blub, blub,

Me: Wait a minute that can only mean one of two things either hot lava is spewing into my basement or its time for the plastic diver guy! (I pull out a diving mask and a snorkel)

Authorpella: _Go! He lives a life of danger our underwater ranger the one and only plastic diver guy! _

The scene changes to me in front of the fish tank with PDG standing on a high slope. I also have the mask and snorkel on just for cliché atmosphere.

Me: Hey PDG what's the up?

PDG: I was swimming in the lake near Stone Mountain east of Atlanta when I spotted Robo. He was climbing up that giant sculpture of the Southern Civil War heroes you know: Jefferson Davis, Robert E. Lee, and Stonewall Jackson on horseback. Robo tried to hide Stonehenge up old Stonewall's nose but when the general sneezed Robo and his rocks got scattered all over the state.

Authorpella: _Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no_

PDG: Oh no it's the ominous music. I got to go Airnaruto I got to….ARGH! (A giant frog shaped inner tube rises from the gravel and then blows up)

TO BE CONTINUED

Authorpella: _The one and only plastic diver guy!_

Applause as I clear the water from my diving mask

Me: thank you, plastic diver guy. Okay gumshoes name the state is it: Alabama, North Carolina, or Georgia? Remember the clues we just heard, Stone Mountain, east of Atlanta and sculpture of Southern Civil War Heroes looks like everyone is ready Sam what did you say?

Sam: I said Georgia

Me: Okay Chuckie what about you?

Chuckie: I said Georgia

Me: Okay and Aka?

Aka: I said North Carolina

Me: well the correct answer is Georgia nice job Chuckie and Sam.

Applause

Me: So that means that Sam and Chuckie go up to 80 crime bucks and Aka you stay at 70 for the next clue….

(Thunder and lightning)

Me: Okay you guys know what that means it's time for the lightning round which means all of these questions will be about Robo's most recent known whereabouts which is Georgia each correct answer is worth 5 crime bucks so hands on your buzzers and listen carefully here we go: A prominent African American College in Atlanta was used for the set for the fictional Hillman College on the Cosby show is the school's real name: Howard University, Spellman College, or Iowa state?

Right buzzer

Me: Aka

Aka: Spellman college

Me: Spellman is right 5 for you

Applause

Me: Question 2: In Georgia's Blue Ridge Mountains high school students publish a magazine that celebrates the lives of people who live in the mountains is the magazine called: Fox fire, Mondo 2000, or the whole earth review?

Buzzer

Me: Out of time the correct answer was fox fire. Question 3: Washington DC's Lincoln memorial is made from rock from a quarry in Georgia is that rock marble, granite, or limestone?

Right buzzer

Me: Aka

Aka: Granite?

Me: Granite is right nice job

Applause so that means after three and the lightning round everyone has 80 crime bucks for our next clue….

The monitor shows a bunch of fruit on the chief's desk as Shelby calls me in.

Shelby: Airnaruto come into my office now!

Me: Yes mam you guys stay right here while I go see what's going on in the office.

Me: What is the deal with the fruit? Well you're going to have to read and review to find out and remember the ACME triangle of excellence: vigilance, dedication, courage. See ya


	20. Stoneheist part 2

Stoneheist Part 2

Stoneheist Part 2

We rejoin the show with me looking for the chief while there is a pile of fruit on her desk.

Me: Chief, hey Chief? Chief….

Shelby pops up looking at me with a glare.

Me: Say chief what's with the fruit here?

Shelby: Airnaruto is this your idea of a practical joke?

Me: What no way chief you made promise no more practical jokes after the incident with the hair dryer and the nine ferrets.

(We both shudder)

Shelby: Then it must be Carmen San Diego who's behind this. Well if that's the way she wants I'll fight fire with fire…

Me: Or melons with melons

Shelby glares at me.

Me: Oh sorry

Shelby: Let's just make sure the gumshoes double their efforts in catching Carmen now offer a free trip to anywhere in North America to the one who busts her.

Applause

Me: Don't worry chief we'll catch her

A knock on the door

Shelby: Come in

Ranger pops up wearing a fruit hat and carrying another fruit basket.

Shelby: Who is sending me all this stuff?

Ranger: It's an introductory offer from ACME fruit-net. They're starting a melon and banana of the month club if you're not satisfied simply return all your unused melons and bananas for a full refund and the beautiful part is you only get charged for what you use.

I pick up a melon and bite into it

Me with my mouth full: You have to admit chief that's a pretty good offer

Shelby: Airnaruto go away

I shrug and leave

Ranger stays smiling at Shelby before I come back in

Me to Ranger: Um when she says go away that means both of us.

Shelby: two of them

Me: Okay guys remember that we're still looking for Stonehenge and Robocrook… (I realize I still have the melons in my hand) Uh hold on while I get rid of this…

I then roll the melon on the ground like a bowling ball

Bowing pins get knocked over sound effect

Me: Yes!

Applause

Me: One more of those and I'll have a turkey.

Audience laughs

Me: Anyway gumshoes we're still looking for Stonehenge and Robocrook now fortunately…

I get cut off by a drum beat in the alley

Me: Hold on guys I'm going to check what's going on in the alley.

I open the door to find a Taiko band beating away at a couple of drums until they finish with their tune.

Me: Sodaiko ladies and gentlemen.

Applause

Me: Now if I may I want to ask you guys a few questions; first off that style of drumming is called Taiko correct?

Old lady on the small drum: Hai (Yes)

Me: And you're here to give a clue about Robocrook correct?

Young guy with the flute: Hai

Me: And you saw him in on an island in northern Japan in the city of Sapporo at a local hot spring right?

Lady on the huge drum: Hai

Me: and might we conclude that your music is also an elaborate secret code that only train percussionists can understand right?

Same women: No

Me: okay but if you don't mind I was wondering if I could give that a shot.

The lady hands me the drumsticks.

Me: Thanks

I beat the drum a few times before reaching the final beat.

Applause

Me: thank you very much.

I go back inside

Me: I hurt myself; anyway gumshoes name the Japanese island is it: Honshu, Hokkaido, or Shikoku? Remember the clues we just heard: Taiko drumming, city of Sapporo and in Northern Japan and everyone has Sam what did you say?

Sam: I said Shikoku

Me: Okay Chuckie?

Chuckie: I said Hokkaido

Me: Hokkaido and Aka?

Aka: Hokkaido

Me: Well the correct answer is Hokkaido nice job Chuckie and Aka

Applause

Me: So Sam you stay at 80, Chuckie goes up to 90, and Aka also goes up to 90 crime bucks nice job but now I've just received word that Robocrook has left Hokkaido so let's pick up the chase.

Authorpella: _Oooh the chase!_

In this chase Jose has the drum heaved over his shoulder while Sodaiko is chasing him.

Me: Hmm. I fell like I've seen that before. Anyway each correct answer is worth 5 crime bucks so hands on your buzzers watch the monitor and listen carefully here we go. According to our agents Robo flew Stonehenge to a city named after Alexander the great name it.

Middle buzzer

Me: Chuckie

Chuckie: Alexandria

Me: That's right from Egypt he splashed his way to Greece what sea did he have to cross?

Right buzzer

Me: Aka

Aka: Mediterranean

Me: right; Robo then headed east across the Aegean Sea what country is he in now?

Right buzzer

Me: Aka

Aka: Turkey

Me: Turkey is right; he left Turkey and headed southeast for Damascus what country is he in now?

Left buzzer

Me: Sam

Sam: Syria

Me: Syria is right; then he dragged Stonehenge southeast to the capitol of Iraq where is he now?

Left buzzer

Me: Sam

Sam: Iraq

Me: Iraq is right so that means at the end of the chase round Sam has 90, Chuckie has 95, and Aka is now in the lead with 100 crime bucks nice job gang

Applause

Me: Now it's time for the final clue of this round which means you have to decide how much you want to risk if you're right we'll add that amount to your score but if you're wrong we'll deduct it from your score you can risk 0, 10, 20, 30, 40, or 50 ACME crime bucks take a look at the monitor please; here's a portion of the world where we think Robo is heading now if you know a lot about this part of the world you may want to risk a lot but if you don't then you may not want to risk quite so much so look at the map and think about it.

Authorpella: _Think, think, think, think about it. How much you gonna risk? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, think about it think Oooh_

Me: Looks like everyone is ready for our last clue we turn to our sneakiest informant.

The monitor shows a talking sneaker hence the sneakiest informant joke.

Sneaker: I saw Robo in Israel trying to hide Stonehenge in the Dome of Rock that's a shrine on top of a hill where legend says the prophet Abraham was sent to sacrifice his son Isaac. You know this is the holy city of Muslims, Jews, and Christians and they all agree on the story of Abraham now if they could just agree on several other things then we would make some progress.

Me: Thanks sneaky okay gumshoes name the Israeli city is it: Tel Aviv, Bethlehem, or Jerusalem? Remember the clues we just heard Dome of the rock and holy city of Muslims, Jews, and Christians. Looks like everyone is ready Sam we'll start with you. You had 85 crime bucks before you show me your answer how much did you risk?

Sam: I risked 30

Me: It will take you to 115 if you're right what did you say?

Sam: I said Jerusalem

Me: Jerusalem is right nice job

Applause

Me: Chuckie you had 95 crime bucks how much did you risk?

Chuckie: I risked 40

Me: Okay you'll take the lead if you're right what did you say?

Chuckie: I said Jerusalem

Me: And you are also right nice job

Applause

Me: that takes you to 135 Chuckie; Aka you had 100 crime bucks how much did you risk?

Aka: I risked 40 also

Me: Okay and if you're right than you Chuckie will go on to the next round what did you say?

Aka: I said Jerusalem

Me: and you are also correct and you and Chuckie will go on to the next round congratulations

Applause

Me: Listen Sam you were a great detective but don't feel down we've put a kit together that will help you in your next case chief.

The chief's office

Shelby: It's the official ACME travel pack and it includes: an atlas, the official Carmen watch, a Carmen tee-shirt, a subscription to National Geographic world magazine and to help you out when you're pounding the pavement a portable globe. (She shoots the ball and scores) good work.

Me: Thanks chief okay you guys now we have to go to Jerusalem find Robocrook, and get Stonehenge back but I want you to know that we don't send our agents out into the field unprepared chief how about a briefing

Shelby: The folks at Acme photo recon have put together a few slides on Jerusalem have a look.

A screen with a slide slot pops up from inside the chief's desk and Shelby places a huge slide inside it. The slide reveals the city of Jerusalem from a distance

Shelby: Jerusalem, to Jews it's the city of Abraham and David, to Christians the city of Jesus and the Apostles, to Muslims the city of Mohammed and his followers and to gumshoes the city of Stonehenge and the cybernetic snatcher.

Shelby: The Knesset Israel's parliament building where laws are made but to Robocrook the laws are made to be broken.

Shelby: The shrine of the book where the Dead Sea scrolls are kept these documents that were found in caves near the Dead Sea 61 years ago are the oldest and most intact documents of the Jewish and Christian religions.

Shelby: The Western wall aka the wailing wall this is all that's left of the sacred Jewish temple before it was destroyed by the Romans in 70 AD. Jews come here to mourn and pray for comfort from their pain.

Shelby: The old city is divided into; Jewish, Muslim, Christian, and Armenian quarters so stay alert with all that diversity you might not notice a titanium crook lugging a 4000 year old sun dial down the street.

Shelby: Well that's your briefing gumshoes Robocrook has taken Stonehenge to Jerusalem go get him.

The scene changes to the gumshoes and I arriving in Jerusalem.

Me: Okay guys here we are in Jerusalem set your stuff down over here and let me show you what we have here are the possible locations where you'll find Robo, Stonehenge and a warrant for Robo's arrest. The first thing you'll need to find is the loot that's the evidence you'll need to get a warrant and once you have the warrant you can arrest the crook, connect all three of those things in that order in a single turn then you'll get a chance to catch Carmen San Diego and if you catch her you'll win the trip to anywhere in North America, one last thing if you find the loot, the warrant , or the crook you get a free turn okay, Aka you were ahead at the end of the last round you go first.

Aka: Bus station (far right on the second row)

(Two footprints)

Me: nothing there but we're on our way Chuckie.

Chuckie: Bank Leumi

Me: Bank Leumi (far left on the second row)

(Two footprints)

Me: Nothing there Aka your turn

Aka: Hebrew University

Me: Hebrew university (left panel on the third row)

(Three footprints)

Me: nothing there your turn Chuckie

Chuckie: MEA SHE' ARUM

Me: MEA SHE' ARUM (second panel on the right in the bottom row)

(two foot prints)

Me: Nothing there your turn Aka

Aka: British Consulate

Me: British Consulate (Right panel in the third row)

(Three footprints)

Me: Nothing there your turn Chuckie

Chuckie: Armenian quarter

Me: Armenian quarter (second on the right in the second row)

Authorpella: _Stolen stones_

Me: Nice job Chuckie you've found the loot you get a free turn and you're on the right track go ahead.

Chuckie: Montifiore windmill

Me: Montifiore windmill (Far right panel in the top row)

(a footprint and a half)

Me: No sorry your turn Aka

Aka: Armenian quarter

Me: Armenian quarter

Authorpella: _Heisted Hedges._

I laugh

Me: You get a free turn Aka

Aka: biblical zoo

Me: What was that?

Aka: biblical zoo

Me: Biblical zoo (middle panel in the third row)

(Two footprints)

Me: Nothing there but if you are at the biblical zoo you can see lots of animals that are mentioned in the Bible go ahead Chuckie.

Chuckie: Armenian quarter

Me: Armenian Quarter

Authorpella: _Papa was a rolling Stonehenge_

I laugh

Me: Go ahead Chuckie

Chuckie: Dome of the rock

Me: Dome of the rock (Second panel on the left in the top row)

(Three footprints)

Me: Nothing there your turn Aka

Aka: Armenian quarter

Me: Armenian quarter

Authorpella: _Pilfered pebbles_

Me: Go ahead Aka

Aka: Western wall

Me: Western wall (Far left panel in the top row)

Authorpella: _Robocrook_

Me: Okay Aka you have the loot, you've also found Robo but remember its lot, warrant, crook so be careful Aka.

Aka: Public library

Me: Public library (Second panel on the left in the bottom row)

(two footprints)

Me: Nothing there but you did find Robocrook Aka nice job your turn Chuckie.

Chuckie: Armenian quarter

Me: Armenian quarter

Authorpella: _Captured calendar_

Me: Go ahead Chuckie

Chuckie: Elon tower

Me: Elon tower (second panel on the right in the top row)

(two footprints)

Me: Nothing there still trying to find that warrant your turn Aka

Aka: Armenian quarter

Me: Armenian quarter

Authorpella: _Rockin' rubble, tweet, tweet, tweet_

I laugh

Me: that was nice fellas go ahead Aka

Aka: Knesset

Me: Which one?

Aka: Knesset

Me: Oh Knesset (far right panel in the bottom row)

Authorpella: _El Boggi!_

Me: Oh Aka you have the loot, you have the warrant, do you remember where Robo is?

Aka: Western wall

Me: Is Robo still at the Western wall

Authorpella: _Robocrook….you've won (Fanfare and confetti)_

A/N: Yes I know I used this jail time challenge before but still reminisce is bliss besides in the first one I tried to do that episode my way not how the producers had it.

Me: Come over here Aka listen you found Robo all you have to do now is pull on the chain and put him in jail do it.

(Fog horn effect)

The scene changes to Robocrook getting put behind bars

Authorpella: _(Clink) (Clank) Robocrook's…in jail_

Applause

Me: We'll talk about your next adventure in just a minute but first Chuckie listen you were a great detective you tracked Robocrook all the way here we've got something special for you chief.

The scene changes to the chief's office.

Shelby: You'll never know when you'll need a fast fact and that's why we equip our gumshoes with a portable electronic encyclopedia. It takes only seconds to scan a complete rundown on anything like: Ecuador, the space probe, or Galileo its high tech help for hooking heinous hooligan congratulations.

Applause

Me: I'm going to have to end this chapter right here so will Aka catch Carmen just read and review to find out and remember the ACME triangle of excellence: vigilance, dedication, courage. See ya


	21. Stoneheist part 3

Stoneheist part 3

Stoneheist part 3

We now rejoin the show as I begin to explain to Aka what's going to happen now.

Me: thanks chief okay Aka you've caught Robocrook and you've gotten Stonehenge back all that's left for you to do is catch Carmen San Diego but before you do that I have some paperwork for you to do right here is our official portfolio inside you'll find a piece of paper and a pen and I want you to write down where you would like to go if you catch Carmen and that trip do it boys.

Authorpella: _Think, think, think, think about it where do you want go think about it ooh!_

Me: I think I've seen this one before but I'm not sure if anyone ever got it now we need to where Carmen is but the only problem is we don't know where she is….

The phone rings

Me: But I think this phone call may have something to do with it hello yes she right here hold on (I turn towards Aka) it's for you.

Aka: hello?

Robocrook: Robocrook unit 059 calling, according to my default program: when imprisoned for more than 11 seconds I automatically rat on my owner. Look for Carmen in Africa.

Me: What did he say?

Aka: He said look in Africa

Me: well Aka it looks like you and I are going to Africa chief.

Shelby: Here's a list of places Carmen may have traveled: Tunisia, Niger, Cameroon, Libya, Mali, Chad, Zambia, Egypt, Djibouti, Lesotho, Botswana, Mozambique, Swaziland. Airnaruto let's go to the map!

Authorpella: I feel good

Aka and I arrive at the map and stop at where the markers are at.

Me: You know what you got to do right?

Aka: Yep

Me: 8 in 45 seconds you win the trip good luck Aka let's get 45 seconds on the clock on your mark, get set, go, Carmen went Niger

45, 44, 43, 42

Siren blares

Me: Yes

41, 40, 39

Me: Egypt you know this one

38, 37

Siren blares

Me: Yeah, Zambia hurry Aka

36, 35, 34, 33, 32

Siren blares

Me: Yeah

31, 30, 29

Me: Libya

28, 27

Siren blares

Me: Yeah, Chad this will be five.

26, 25, 24, 23, 22

Siren blares

Me: Yes

21, 20, 19

Me: Djibouti

18, 17, 16

Siren blares

Me: Yes

15, 14, 13

Me: Cameroon hurry.

12, 11, 10, 9

Siren blares

8, 7, 6,

Me: Yes hurry Carmen went to Botswana

5, 4, 3, 2, 1,

Siren blares just as the buzzer goes off.

Me: Did she make it judges?

Bell rings

Me: Yes she did

Applause

Newspaper headline reads: Aka Pella captures Carmen.

Me: Aka how do you feel?

Aka: Great!

Me: You should because earlier you wrote down where you wanted to go if you caught Carmen San Diego and you did that means you and a parent are going to….Jamaica

Authorpella: _Let's get packing_

Applause

Me: Listen Aka you've done a lot great stuff for us today but there's one more thing you have to do you know what it is…

Everyone: Do it Authorpella!

The scene changes to the alley where all five members of the group are standing there just singing the song like robots just as a joke.

DM: _Well, she sneaks around the world from Kiev to Carolina;  
she's a sticky-fingered filcher from Berlin down to Belize.  
She'll take you for a ride on a slow boat to China. Tell me_

X and Ranger: _Where in the world is…_

Jose: _Carmen San Diego?_

Ranger: _Steal their Seoul in South Korea, Make Antarctica cry "Uncle," from the  
Red Sea to Greenland, they'll be singing the blues.  
Well they never Arkansas her steal the Mekong from the jungle. Tell me_

Jose: _Where in the world is…_

X and Ranger: _Carmen San Diego?_

X, Ranger, and DM: _She goes from Nashville to Norway, Bonaire to Zimbabwe,  
Chicago, to Czech and Slovakia and back!_

Ranger and DM: _Well, she'll ransack Pakistan, and run a scam in Scandinavia,  
and then she'll stick 'em up down under and go pick-pocket Perth.  
She put the "Miss" in misdemeanor when she stole the beans from Lima. Tell me_

Ranger and X: _Where in the world is…_

Jose: _Carmen San Diego?_

Ranger: _Oh tell me…_

All five members then leave the alley and head for the map everyone gets out of their seats and joins in the song.

Everyone: _Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? (7 times)_

The scene changes to the chief's office where Shelby is rocking to the beat of the tune.

Shelby: This is Shelby Pytlak speaking for "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" And remember No matter how you squirm or squeal we will catch you when you steal.

Me: Well that does it for this episode but I promise I will let Carmen get away more often next time it's just that in some episodes it was either the marker position was too far away or the gumshoes were in incredibly dense on the map, or they took too long. Read and review and remember the ACME triangle of excellence: vigilance, dedication, courage. See ya next time.


	22. Episode 8: Bad Woman Steals Goodman

Episode 8: Bad woman steals Goodman

Episode 8: Bad woman steals Goodman

A/N: Well folks after a lengthy absence I'm back to continue the story.

The crowds cheers as Shelby gets ready for her opening statement.

Shelby: All these people want to know…

Authorpella: _Where in the World is…._

Jose: _Carmen San Diego?_

The gumshoes faces appear as Jose introduces them.

Jose: This Tommy Pickles: He likes filming movies, rock concerts, He's traveled throughout the lower 48 states, been to Paris, and got stranded on a desert island in the South Pacific with his friends and family.

Next gumshoe appears

Jose: This is Sheen Estevez; he collects Ultra lord memorabilia and has traveled to the Himalayas.

Next Gumshoe pops up

Jose: This is Hinata Hyuuga; she likes makes healing ointments, spending time with her friends and stalking a certain blonde hair hyperactive knuckleheaded ninja she's also traveled to the land of vegetables.

The scene changes to a wanted poster of a teenage girl wearing an orange sweater; along with a green coat and skirt she had blonde hair and brown eyes. She is the youngest member of Carmen's gang of goons and believe it or not she's also Carmen San Diego's niece, her name is Patty Larceny and trust me if she wasn't an international thief she would be the nicest young woman on earth.

Shelby: And this is Patty Larceny Carmen San Diego's sweet but sneaky school girl.

Authorpella: _P-P-Patty._

Shelby: Her last known whereabouts: Chicago Illinois. You may think that American theatre begins and ends at Broadway but there are professional theaters all over the country and Chicago's Goodman Theatre is one of the best, that's why actors like Brian Denahee and Cathleen Turner perform there alongside the Goodman's resident company. The Goodman has presented live drama, comedy, and musicals since 1925 or it did until today.

The scene changes to Patty standing outside the theatre with a bouquet of roses and an autograph book in her hands the chief continues her voice over.

Shelby: When Patty Larceny showed up armed with an autograph book and a bouquet.

Patty then takes center stage and her performance brings the place literally to tears.

Shelby: Then she took center staged and brought the place to tears then she mopped it up and vanished into thin air. Gumshoes you've got to close the curtain on this case…

Authorpella: Ooh, ooh

Shelby: Bad woman steals Goodman.

The scene changes to outside the alley where Authorpella is sitting in front of the door waiting for me to show up and just as I do they come by and slap five with me as Shelby introduces me.

Shelby: And here's ACME senior agent in charge of training new recruits Airnaruto45.

I go inside

Applause from the audience

Me: Hey gang!

I go over to the gumshoes and slap five

Me: Hey Tommy, hey Sheen, hey Hinata listen I just want to remind you guys that if one of you is able to catch Carmen San Diego today you'll win that free trip to anywhere in North America and that's not bad ladies and gentlemen.

Applause

Me: So I'm sure you've all heard about the case and to start you off you'll each get 50 ACME crime bucks and any time you answer a question correctly we'll give you 10 more crime bucks and the two of you with the highest scores at the end of this round will advance to the next round. So let's get started with our first clue which comes from…

I get cut off because the chief appears on the monitor with a report but the strange thing is there's a Mardi gras party going on in her office.

Shelby: Airnaruto the agents from ACME Mardi gras net have a report. They just spotted Patty in Alabama's only deepwater port on an inlet near the Gulf of Mexico, where the oldest Mardi gras celebration is held every spring.

I'm throwing confetti out of the screen.

Me: Hey chief how can I get transferred to Mardi gras net?

Shelby: No chance Airnaruto.

Me: Rats, anyway gumshoes name the city is it: Mobile, New Orleans, or Pensacola? Remember the clues we just heard: Oldest Mardi gras celebration in the US, Alabama's only deepwater port, and on an inlet near the Gulf of Mexico. Come up with an answer as quick as you can looks like everyone's ready Tommy what did you say?

Tommy: I said Mobile

Me: Okay Sheen what about you?

Sheen: I said Mobile

Me: And Hinata?

Hinata: Mobile.

Me: Everyone said the same thing and everyone is right nice job.

Applause

Me: So everyone goes up to 60 crime bucks and of course all of our answers have been confirmed by National Geographic world.

Authorpella: _National Geographic world_

Me: Thanks anyway for our next clue we turn Timon and Pumba agents from ACME Disney net what the word boys?

The monitor now reveals a Meerkat and a warthog the Meerkat being Timon and Pumba of course being the warthog.

Timon: Hey gumshoes the word is that Patty is not a French-Caribbean island possession where many people work on Banana slug and sugar stick bug plantation.

Pumba: Um Timon actually it Banana and sugarcane plantations

Timon: Oh really smart swine you do it.

Pumba: Okay, anyway the peoples ancestors came from France, Africa, and India and they use windmills to grind up the sugarcane and boy do I love the stuff anyway good luck gumshoes!

Me: Thanks guys and long may you gas Pumba, all right gumshoes name the island is it: Guadeloupe, Grand Cayman Island, or Grand Bahama? Remember the clues we just heard: French-Caribbean island possession, Banana and sugarcane plantations with windmills, and peoples of French, African, and Indian descent. Looks like everyone's ready Tommy what did you say?

Tommy: Guadeloupe

Me: Okay Sheen

Sheen: Grand Cayman

Me: And Hinata

Hinata: Grand Bahama

Me: Well the correct answer is Guadeloupe nice job Tommy

Applause from the crowd

Me: So Tommy you go up to 70 while Sheen and Hinata stay at 60 for our next clue we…

Someone knocks on the door

Me: Hold on a second guys let me see who this is.

I go to the door and open it to find someone dressed in an egg costume from a place called Eggs on Legs he's obviously the delivery boy.

Me: Careful we have a couple of steps here let me help you okay one more and there.

The head pops up to reveal that it's Darkmagicianmon he also has a brown bag in his hands.

DM: Mama Eggs on legs food delivery.

Me to the gumshoes: Did you guys order any food?

The gumshoes shake their heads

Me: No we didn't and what happened to the last place you were working at?

DM: They closed down well it says here 8 poached 12 over easy and an olive loaf quiche 19 bucks.

Me: I'm sorry but we didn't order any food.

DM looks at the bag and realizes that he goofed.

DM: Oh I'm sorry this was for ACME Taxidermy net you guys ordered the singing clue. Singing clue could you hold this for me please? (Hands me the bag)

Me: Sure.

DM: Hit it (To the melody of Yankee Doodle)

_Patty Larceny is hiding in the Southwest Netherlands. In a very busy port the theatre is in her hands. The old Mayflower sailed from here back in 1620. I had better leave because my eggs are getting runny bop-shoop-do-bop Egg man yeah! _

Audience snoring

Me: Come guys the egg man let's hear it for him come on.

Applause

Me: Nice job (we shake hands) listen don't crack under the pressure.

DM: well you know I'm not cut out for this hard broiled detective work

We pose hoping for a rim shot

Audience laughs

Me: Listen you've got to take it easy otherwise you're going to get fried.

DM: Well I would except that we're living under the capitalist yolk of oppression.

Me: well anyway gumshoes name the city is it Rotterdam, Odense, or Brussels? Remember the clues we just heard, in the southwest Netherlands, Mayflower sailed from here in 1620, and very busy port town. Looks like everyone is ready Tommy what did you say?

Tommy: I said Rotterdam

Me: Rotterdam huh Sheen?

Sheen: I said Rotterdam

Me: And Hinata

Hinata: I said Rotterdam

Me: Everyone said the same thing and once again they're all right nice job

Applause

Me: So that means Tommy goes up to 80 and Sheen and Hinata each have 70 crime bucks…

Thunder and lightning

Me: Okay guys that can only mean that it's time for the lightning round which means all of these questions are about Patty's most recent known whereabouts which is the Netherlands and each correct answer will get you 5 crime bucks so hands on your buzzers and listen carefully here we go: The kingdom of the Netherlands was founded in 1815 at the time another nation was part of that kingdom was it Germany, Belgium, or Denmark?

Middle buzzer

Me: Sheen

Sheen: Belgium

Me: That's right

Applause

Me: Takes you up to 75 Sheen. Question 2: According to an old Rotterdam slogan how are shirts sold there? Already pressed already torn or with the sleeves already rolled up?

Middle buzzer

Me: Sheen

Sheen: With the sleeves already rolled up?

Me: That's right

Applause

Me: Final question: Officially Amsterdam is the capital of the Netherlands but most government business in the Netherlands takes place in what city is it Brussels, Harlem, or The Hague?

Middle Buzzer

Me: Sheen

Sheen: The Hague?

Me: That's right nice job Sheen you must have done a lot of studying

Sheen: Nah those were just wild guesses

Me: Okay well anyway after three and the lightning round Sheen is now in the lead with 85 crime bucks, Tommy is second with 80, and Hinata is close behind with 70 that's the way to do it…Oh hunger pains I'll be right back.

I run into the chief's office.

The scene changes to the chief's office and strangely enough she's not around all that I see is a brown paper bag.

Me: Hey Chief? Chief…. (I smell the bag) I think there's food in here and I'm sure that the chief wouldn't mind letting me have some.

I pull a can out of the bag and break out some chopsticks and begin eating what's in the can while at that moment the chief shows up with a box in her hands.

Shelby: Oh there you are Airnaruto.

Me: Hey Chief I was just having a little snack hope you don't mind.

Shelby: No I don't have as much as you want besides that food's not for me anyway.

Me: Then who is it for?

Shelby then picks a small yellow Labrador puppy up form out of the box.

Shelby: For my do its dog food for my new little puppy.

I pause for a minute.

Me: You know this is really good.

I go back to eating the dog food.

Shelby: Here are today's home contest winners.

The winners are: Ron Stoppable Middleton, Colorado, Gretchen Grundler, 3rd Street Arkansas, Lilo Pelekai Kauai, Hawaii, Johnny 2x4 Peach Creek, Georgia, and

Shelby: Congratulations to the winners and if you would like to win write down what got stolen and from where every time you read the story. When you've collected four loots and locations simply put them on a postcard along with your name and address and send it to: ACME crime net PO box 1199 Kannapolis, NC 28083 Everyday we'll pick five people whose lists are correct and send them each a Carmen tee-shirt.

A/N: Again not a real contest

A dog bowl with my name on it is now on the desk and the puppy is trying to get a few bites of the food.

Shelby: Airnaruto stop it!

I have dog food covering my face.

Me: What?

Shelby: You're eating dog food for crying out loud.

Me: Chief do you really think I would be stupid enough to eat dog food for a gag?

Shelby: You're right I'm sure that it was refried beans.

Me: Yeah whatever.

I leave the office

Shelby to the puppy: Now he wouldn't eat dog food now would he little buddy now would he….

Sure enough the dog finally gets his meal confirming the chief's little rant at me I was eating dog food.

The scene changes to outside the office with me coming out with a huge dog biscuit in my hands I turn to the audience.

Me: What? Old habits die hard. Anyway gumshoes we're still looking for Patty and the Goodman theatre fortunately for us though ACME bug-net has picked off this phone conversation between Patty and Carmen San Diego watch.

Me: Well gang here's the first chapter since my return: next time a very interesting, phone tap and the return of one of my favorite informants the amazing disgusting glob and more so until next read and review and remember the ACME triangle of excellence: Vigilance, dedication, courage. See ya next time.


	23. Bad Woman Steals Goodman Part 2

Bad woman Steals Goodman Part 2

Bad woman Steals Goodman Part 2

We now continue our story with the phone tap however unlike most of the other phone taps this one has Patty's answering machine.

Ring tone

Carmen: Come on answer Acme's closing in.

Ring tone

Patty's voice message: Hi this is Patty. I can't come to the phone right now leave a message and if I can find time in my busy schedule I'll get back to you.

Beep

Carmen: Guess who twinkle toes? If you don't scram I'll be leaving messages with your warden. Take the theatre to a capitol on the Danube River. The nightlife there has been buzzing since the fall of Communism restaurants, cafes, and theatres are crowded with people there's even a posh shop street nicknamed the 5th Avenue of Eastern Europe and one more thing I really hate answering machines.

Beep

Me: Okay gumshoes you heard now name the city is it: Budapest, Bucharest, or Vienna? Remember the clues we just heard: Capitol on the Danube River, active nightlife, and Eastern Europe. Looks like everyone's ready Tommy what did you say?

Tommy: I chose Bucharest

Me: Okay Sheen

Sheen: Budapest

Me: And Hinata

Hinata: Bucharest

Me: Bucharest well the correct answer is Budapest nice job Sheen

Applause

Me: So Tommy you stay at 80, Sheen goes up to 95, and Hinata stays at 70 crime bucks now for our next clue we turn to our next informant who happens to be a retired movie star: the amazing disgusting glob.

Authorpella: _The amazing disgusting glob._

The Glob rolls out on to the stage and keeps rolling around on the stage until…

Crash!

Me: Oh man he cracked monitor again oh man it's gonna go everywhere let me just get something to put this in. (I get trash can and place under where the glob is coming out) I'm going to let it fall into the trash can and try to catch it.

Glob: Thank you I love each and every one of you Patty Larceny is in a city in Northern Egypt where the Suez Canal meets the Mediterranean Sea. It was originally built as a camp for the workers on the canal but later became a large trade city. You know I used to be a huge star, ever heard of the Globadelphia Story or a Midsummer's night Glob? I made those movies. I had limos and huge parties in my penthouse I was a star Airnaruto do you hear me a big undulating star glub, glub, glub, glub.

Me: Yeah I'm sure nobody was as big as you glob thanks. Okay guys name the city is it: Khartoum, Port Said, or Tripoli? Remember the clues we just heard: In Northern Egypt, large trade city, and where Suez Canal meets Mediterranean Sea. Looks like everyone is ready Tommy what did you say?

Tommy: I said Port Said

Me: Port Said okay Sheen

Sheen: I said Port Said

Me: You said that as well and Hinata?

Hinata: I also said Port Said

Me: Every one said the same thing and everyone is right nice job.

Applause

Me: So Tommy you go up to 90, Sheen goes up to 105, and Hinata goes up to 80 crime bucks nice job now I've just received word that Patty has left Port Said so let's pick up the chase.

Authorpella: _Oooh the chase!_

DM runs by still in his Eggs on legs suit, X hops by on one foot with two rubber chickens under his arms, Ranger passes by with a camcorder in his hand, and Jose runs by with an inflatable lollipop from what I can tell.

Me: All correct answers will be worth five crime bucks each so gang hands on your buzzers watch the monitor and listen closely here we go: Patty ran to an Israeli city considered holy by three major religions what city is she in?

Middle buzzer

Me: Sheen

Sheen: Jerusalem

Me: Right, she then took a helicopter over to Jordan what sea did she fly over?

Left buzzer

Me: Tommy

Tommy: Dead

Me: Dead Sea is right. She then galloped across Jordan's northern border what country is she in now?

Right Buzzer

Me: Hinata

Hinata: Syria

Me: Is right, she then dove into the Mediterranean what country did she pass through along the way?

Right buzzer

Me: Hinata

Hinata: Lebanon

Me: That's right; finally she swam to the capitol of Cyprus name it.

Middle buzzer

Me; Sheen

Sheen: Athens?

Me: No it's Nicosia so that means at the end of the chase round Tommy has 95, Sheen has 110, and Hinata has 90 crime bucks give them a big hand folks

Applause

Me: Now it's time for the final clue of this round which means you have to decide how much you want to risk if you're right we'll add that amount to your score but if you're wrong we'll deduct that amount from your score you can risk, 0, 10, 20, 30, 40, or 50 ACME crime bucks take a look at the monitor please; here is a portion of the world where we believe Patty is heading so if you know a lot about this part of the world you may want to risk a lot but if you don't then don't risk too much so look at the map and think about it.

Authorpella: Think, think, think, think about it. How much you gonna risk yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah think about it ooh.

Me: Looks like everyone is ready for our last clue always remember gumshoes when you're stuck on a clue there is always a snitch you can squeeze for information in this case our informant from ACME recess net Randall Weems.

Randall for those who don't know is that hunched back kid with red hair a blue shirt, brown pants, and black shoes he usually severs as the mole for Muriel P. Finster from Recess.

Randall: Oh hey there gumshoes: I saw Patty take the theatre to metropolis in central China on the Yangtze River. The people there work in Car factories, appliance factories, tool factories, ship yards, and steel mills but Patty is near East Lake at the poet's pavilion so stake her out and stop her before she snatches another theatre.

Me: Thanks Randall okay gumshoes name the city is it: Chengdu, Xi'an, or Wuhan? Remember the clues we just heard: Central Chinese metropolis, located on the Yangtze River, and manufacturing plants for: cars, ships, tools, appliances, and steel. This is the last clue of this round so once your ready lay your answers in front of you. Looks like everyone is ready Hinata we'll start with you. You had 90 crime bucks going into this round before you show me your answer how much did you risk?

Hinata: I risked 30 crime bucks.

Me: 30 okay that will take you to 120 if you're right what did you say?

Hinata: I said Xi'an

Me: I'm sorry Hinata Xi'an was not the answer we were looking for you're going to go down 30 to 60 but any thing can happen so don't feel down just yet. Tommy you had 95 crime bucks entering this round how much did you risk?

Tommy: I risked 20

Me: Okay if you're right you'll take the lead what did you say?

Tommy: Xi'an

Me: Sorry that's wrong you're going to go down to 75 crime bucks, Sheen how much did you risk?

Sheen: I risked 20 as well Airnaruto.

Me: Okay then either way you and Tommy will move on to the next round what did you say?

Sheen: I said Xi'an

Me: You're also wrong Sheen the correct answer was Wuhan you drop to 90 Sheen but it doesn't matter because like I said both you and Tommy are moving on congratulations.

Applause

Me: Hinata listen you were a great detective we have a nice little parting gift for you chief.

Inside the chiefs office Shelby gives her congratulations to Hinata and a nice little constellation prize.

Shelby: This has been a tough case and we never would have found Patty Larceny without your help and to show our gratitude I've assembled an ACME travel pack and inside you'll find an atlas, the official Carmen watch, a Carmen t-shirt, a subscription to National Geographic world magazine and since all work and no play makes a gumshoe cranky we've found a way to combine the two; use this world ball to study the globe and when the work is done take time out to practice your slam dunk.

She wheels her chair over to a basketball hoop and slams the ball right in to it.

Shelby: Yes!

I take the chief's little portable screen out.

Me: Okay guys…

Shelby: Be careful Airnaruto

Me: Sorry chief, anyway guys you all packed?

Boys: Yep

Me: Okay now we have to go to Wuhan so if Tommy you would get my hat and Sheen you get the door and let's roll.

We leave as later we're on a cable car bus with the chief singing a little song to pass the time by.

Shelby: And the wheels on the bus go round and round and round…

Me: Chief I've always hated that song.

The scene changes to us arriving in Wuhan.

Me: Okay guys here we are in Wuhan now step over there because the chief has some things to tell you.

The chief appears on the jail time challenge board.

Shelby: Gumshoes there are 15 places here in Wuhan where you might find Patty, the Warrant, or the Goodman theatre let's look at a few of them: First Wuhan harbor, a major Chinese port check those fairies for the theatre. Next the ancient lute terrace, according to our research team and I quote this is where Uboya used to play the chin. Next is East Lake one of the many lakes in and around Wuhan and gumshoes you'll be just in time for the annual ACME cookout, it's our way of saying thanks for all the hard work so do your job well before you eat. That's your briefing gumshoes now whip through Wuhan and drop the curtain on Patty.

Me: Will do chief okay guys just to remind you that you have to find the loot the warrant and the crook in that order in one turn and if you do that you'll get a chance to catch Carmen San Diego and if you catch her you'll win the trip Sheen you were ahead at the end of the last round you go first.

Sheen: Ancient Lute Terrace

Me: Ancient Lute Terrace (Right panel in the third row)

Three footprints

Me: Nothing there but we're on our way your turn Tommy

Tommy: Hubei Provincial Museum

Me: Hubei Provincial Museum (2nd left panel in the bottom row)

Two footprints

Me: Nothing there your turn Sheen

Sheen: Iron & Steel Complex

Me: Iron & Steel complex (middle panel in the third row)

Two footprints

Authorpella: _Nothing_

Me: Thank you

Authorpella: _It's a living_

I laugh

Me: Tommy

Tommy: Snake Hill

Me: Snake Hill (Second right panel in the top row)

Two footprints

Authorpella: (Snake hissing)

Me: very good fellas. Your turn Sheen

Sheen: Yangtze Bridge

Me: Yangtze Bridge (Far right panel in the second row)

Authorpella: _The warrant_

Me: Okay Sheen you found the warrant so you'll get a free turn but remember, loot, warrant, crook so use some strategy go ahead.

Sheen: Ancient Lute terrace

Me: Ancient Lute terrace

Three footprints

Me: Nice strategy your turn Tommy

Tommy: East Lake

Me: East Lake (far left panel in the top row)

Two footprints

Me: Nothing there your turn Sheen

Sheen: Yellow Crane tower

Me: Yellow Crane tower (second panel on the left in the top row)

Authorpella: _Thieving theatre_

Me: Nice job Sheen you found the lot go ahead

Sheen: Yangtze Bridge

Me: Yangtze Bridge

Authorpella: The warrant

Me: You have the loot and the warrant Sheen can you find Patty Larceny?

Sheen: Endless sky pavilion

Me: Is Patty at the endless sky pavilion? (Left panel in the third row)

Three footprints

Me: No she's not we'll turn them around your turn Tommy

Tommy: Yellow Crane tower

Me: Yellow crane tower

Authorpella: _horrible hall heist_

Me: You have the loot go ahead

Tommy: Yangtze Bridge

Me: Yangtze Bridge

Authorpella: The Warrant

Me: Okay Tommy you have the loot, and the warrant can you find Patty?

Tommy: Guiyuan temple

Me: Is she at Guiyuan temple (Far left panel in the second row)

Two footprints

DM: No, no, no, no, no

Me: Nothing there we'll turn them back around your turn Sheen

Sheen: Yellow Crane tower

Me: Yellow Crane tower

Ranger: _Another opening!_

I laugh

Me: Go ahead Sheen

Sheen: Yangtze Bridge

Me: Yangtze Bridge

Authorpella: _The warrant_

Me: You need one more Sheen

Sheen: Sun Yat Sen Statue

Me: Is she at the Sun Yat Sen Statue (Second right panel in the second row)

Two footprints

Authorpella: womp-womp

Me: No she's not turn them around go ahead Tommy

Tommy: Yellow Crane tower

Me: Yellow Crane Tower

Authorpella: _Stage handled_

I laugh

Me: Go ahead Tommy

Tommy: Yangtze Bridge

Me: Yangtze Bridge

Authorpella: _The warrant_

Me: You have the loot and the warrant Tommy we're still looking for Patty Larceny

Tommy: Tortoise hill

Me: Is Patty Larceny on Tortoise Hill? (Second right panel in the bottom row)

Authorpella: _P-P-Patty! Closing number_ (fanfare)

The confetti falls on Tommy applause from the crowd

Me: Come over here Tommy nice job you caught Patty now just pull on this chain and put her in jail.

Tommy pulls the chain the fog horn blares then the scene changes to Patty being locked up in her cell as a couple of tear drops come out of her eyes.

Authorpella: _P-P-Patty's….in jail!_

Applause

Me: We'll talk about your next adventure in a little bit but first Sheen you were a great detective you tracked Patty all the way here we have something special for you chief.

Shelby: Everyday the air waves are buzzing with vital information and to help keep in touch with the whole world I'm giving you the portable world band radio along with an ACME travel pack it's a great gift for a job well done congratulations Sheen.

Applause

Me: Well folks next time we're going to find out where Carmen has gone to and if Tommy can catch her so read, review, and remember the ACME triangle of excellence: Vigilance, dedication, courage. See ya


	24. Bad Woman Steals Goodman Part 3

Bad Woman Steals Goodman Part 3

Bad Woman Steals Goodman Part 3

It's time for the big round of this chapter.

Me: Thanks chief okay Tommy I have some paperwork for you to do here is your portfolio inside you'll find a piece of paper and a pen I want you to write down where you want to go if you catch Carmen and get that trip do it.

Authorpella: _Think, think, think, think about it where do you want go? Think about it ooh_

Me: Nice choice now you know in order for you to go there you have to catch Carmen the problem is we don't know where she is….

Phone rings

Me: But I think this phone call might give us the answer. Hello? Yes he's right here hold on (To Tommy) it's for you.

Tommy: Hello?

Patty: I used to be a sweet innocent school girl, now I'm a sweet guilty schoolgirl and it's all Carmen's fault. Go look for her in North America.

Me: What did she say?

Tommy: Look for her in North America.

Me: Okay buddy looks like you and I are heading for North America Chief.

Shelby: Here's a list of places Carmen may have traveled: Jasper National Park Canada, Manitoba Canada, Quebec, Nova Scotia Canada, Columbia River, Nebraska USA, Missouri USA, Ohio USA, Louisiana, USA, Gulf of California, Cuba, Puerto Rico USA, Nicaragua Airnaruto let's go the map!

Authorpella: I feel good

We arrive at the map of North America and Tommy grabs his marker as the crowd goes wild.

Me to Tommy: You know what to do right?

Tommy: Yep

Me: Remember 8 in 45 seconds or less you'll win the trip good luck Tommy Audience cheer him on. On your mark get set go Carmen went to Columbus, Ohio

45, 44, 43, 42

Siren blares

Me: Yes

41, 40, 39

Me: Jasper National park Canada

38, 37, 36

Two-tone buzzer

Me: Try again and hurry Tommy

35, 34, 33, 32

Siren blares

Me: Yes, Jefferson City Missouri

31, 30, 29, 28

Siren blares

Me: Yes, Havana Cuba

27, 26, 25, 24, 23

Siren Blares

22, 21, 20, 19

Me: Yeah! O'Neal Nebraska hurry Tommy

18, 17, 16, 15

Siren blares

Me: Yeah, Sidney Nova Scotia Canada

14, 13, 12, 11

Siren blares

Me: Yes Winnipeg Manitoba Canada

10, 9

Two-tone buzzer

8, 7

Me: Try it again Manitoba

6, 5

Siren blares

Me: Yes, San Juan Puerto Rico hurry Tommy

4, 3, 2, 1

Siren blares just as the clock hits 0

Me: You did it!

Applause

Newspaper headline reads: Tommy Pickles captures Carmen.

Me: My buddy that was close but how do you feel

Tommy: Good

Me: A little tired too huh?

Tommy: Yeah

Me: Listen earlier you wrote down where you wanted to go if you caught Carmen San Diego and you did so you and a parent are going to… (I open the portfolio to reveal) Texas!

Authorpella: _Let's get packing!_

Applause

Me: Give me five man

We slap five

Me: Listen you've done a lot of great stuff for us today Tommy there's one more thing you have to do you know what it is….

Everyone: Do it Authorpella!

Authorpella is in the main game area with DM dressed in one of my coats holding my question cards while X, Ranger, and Jose from left to right are in the contestant's area and X still has a rubber chicken under his arms.

DM: _Well, she sneaks around the world from Kiev to Carolina;  
she's a sticky-fingered filcher from Berlin down to Belize.  
She'll take you for a ride on a slow boat to China. Tell me_ (Midway through this verse the thunder and lightning are heard)

X and Ranger: _Where in the world is…_

Jose: _Carmen San Diego?_

Ranger: _Steal their Seoul in South Korea, Make Antarctica cry "Uncle," from the  
Red Sea to Greenland, they'll be singing the blues.  
Well they never Arkansas her steal the Mekong from the jungle. Tell me_

Jose: _Where in the world is…_

X and Ranger: _Carmen San Diego?_

X, Ranger, and DM: _She goes from Nashville to Norway, Bonaire to Zimbabwe,  
Chicago, to Czech and Slovakia and back!_

Ranger and DM: _Well, she'll ransack Pakistan, and run a scam in Scandinavia,  
and then she'll stick 'em up down under and go pick-pocket Perth.  
She put the "Miss" in misdemeanor when she stole the beans from Lima. Tell me_

Ranger and X: _Where in the world is…_

Jose: _Carmen San Diego?_

Ranger: _Oh tell me…_

All four now leave the main game area and head toward the map and join in the dance party out on the floor

All four and the crowd: _Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? (7 times)_

The scene then changes to the Chief's office where Shelby is playing air drums before she notices the camera.

Shelby: This is Shelby Pytlak speaking for "Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?" and remember Carmen's gang inspires great loathing plus they wear such dorky clothing.

The scene changes back to the map with the crowd singing while I say.

Me: A little louder.

The scene then gives an overhead view of everything before it fades to black.

Me: Another chapter another capture of Carmen leaving me Sarah Nade and the Contessa to use and since there are hardly any Contessa episodes I'll use her first so until next time read, review, and remember the ACME triangle of excellence: vigilance, dedication, courage. See ya next time


	25. Episode 9: The Case of the Missing Queen

Episode 9: The Case of the Missing Queen

Episode 9: The Case of the Missing Queen

Shelby: Today's episode: The Case of the Missing Queen

The scene changes to the chief's office with Shelby sitting at her desk to brief the gumshoes about their mission.

Shelby: Gumshoes Carmen San Diego and gang of goons have grabbed again. This time it was a case of luxury liner larceny in Long Beach, California. The Queen Mary began her proud history as a luxury liner, then in World War 2 it served as an allied troop ship and throughout the war Hitler had a bounty placed on the Queen Mary but she survived now she's docked in Long Beach serving as a hotel and tourist attraction or she was until today….

The scene changes to the where the Queen Mary is docked where a woman wearing a purple trench coat, green travel pants, and leather gloves entered the museum she also had brown hair, and a European accent her name the Contessa Carmen San Diego's swell smelling felon.

Shelby: The Contessa that upper class usurper snuck a board the queen and sailed her away. Apparently she needed a new yacht so she figured the Queen Mary would be the best thing. Gumshoes your mission is to sink the Contessa, return the Queen Mary to Long Beach, and then torpedo Carmen San Diego's life of crime.

The scene changes to the map where the crowd is going nuts

Shelby: The crooks on the run let justice be done!

Authorpella: _Where in the world is…._

Jose: _Carmen San Diego?_

The scene changes to the alleyway where today's contestants are sitting while Authorpella is doing their jig

Shelby: And one of these people could find her

Jose: Kari Kamiya

Applause

Jose: Maurice "Twister" Rodriguez

Applause

Jose: TK Takashi

Applause

I make my way to the newsstand and see Authorpella and they high five me in almost a conga line formation as Shelby introduces me.

Shelby: And this man is special agent in charge of training new recruits Airnaruto45

Applause as I walk through the door.

Me: hey guys.

Applause

Me: Hey there gumshoes I'm sure you've heard about the case so to get you guys started we'll give you each 50 ACME crime bucks and you know how this works anytime you answer a question correctly we'll give you 10 more crime bucks and the two of you with the highest scores at the end of this round will move on to the next round okay?

Gumshoes: Okay

Me: Chief let's go.

Shelby: Airnaruto the Contessa has stolen the Queen Mary and there's no time to lose now here's the rundown on Contessa.

The file cabinet opens and Contessa's file pops out.

Authorpella: _(Whistle) Ooh Aah Contessa!_

Shelby: She's a woman who'll stop at nothing to satisfy her expensive appetite and here's what we know so far. Gumshoes ACME mariner net has tracked the Contessa to one of the toughest US armed forces training camps on the east coast of South Carolina. Many of the trainees there are put through rigorous training regiments that include: combat training, an obstacle course, and artillery training and just because you're on an island means you're going to get a lot of rays and fun actually the opposite. The island is one the first places hit by hurricanes on the Carolina coast every summer and we all know that the Contessa is not one who likes hard work if you're lucky you'll catch her Airnaruto.

Me: Thanks chief. Okay gumshoes name the island is it: Hilton Head Island, Aruba, or Parris Island? Remember the clues we just heard: Off the coast of South Carolina, Atlantic hurricanes, and Marine boot camp. Come up with an answer as quick as you can and it looks like everyone is ready Kari what did you say?

Kari: I said Parris Island

Me: Parris Island okay what about you Twister?

Twister: I said Aruba

Me: And TK?

TK: I said Parris Island

Me: Te correct answer we were looking for is: Parris Island nice job Kari and TK.

Applause

Me: So Kari you go up to 60, Twister you stay at 50, and TK you go up to 60 nice job guys and as always all of our answers have been verified and confirmed by National Geographic World.

Authorpella: _National Geographic World_

Me: Thanks for our next clue…for our next clue….oh for the love of Pete hold on guys I'm gonna have to go up to ACME control net excuse me I'll be right back.

Me to myself: I try to do a parody of one the most popular kid's game shows in television history and then you have these kinds of problems now they're ticking off the old Airman….

I arrive at a door labeled ACME control net.

Think of Acme control net like the inside of a production truck it's director Rossoco.

Me: Ross I need my next clue.

Ross: Airnaruto tell the gumshoes to go to Tiananmen Square

Me: Got it…

Ross: Airnaruto tell them to go to the Forbidden City

Me: Forbidden City got it.

Ross: Oh and you're gonna need some Renminbi

Me: Go it hey is that the chief up there? (I point to a screen that has Shelby on it)

Ross: Yes Airnaruto that's the chief.

Me: This is great look at all of these buttons….ooh what does this button do?

Ross: Airnaruto no….

I press the button causing the screen to go upside down.

Me: Oops

Ross: Airnaruto go away

Me: Okay

I leave

Ross: Take 1

Later I return to my post except I'm upside down.

Me: Hey Ross can you turn me over? I'm gonna the change in my pockets…

He turns me over

Me: Thanks anyway gumshoes name the city is it: Shanghai, Beijing, or Phuket? Remember the clues we just heard: Tiananmen Square, Forbidden City and Renminbi used as currency. Looks like every one is ready Kari what did you say?

Kari: Beijing

Me: Beijing Twister

Twister: Beijing

Me: TK

TK: Beijing

Me: Everyone said the same thing and every body is right nice job gang

Applause

Me: So Kari you go up to 70 crime bucks, Twister has 60, and TK also has 70 crime bucks nice job guys…

I get cut off by some voices in the alley

Me: Hmm…sounds like the old rumor mill is grinding again so let's check the word on the street.

I open the door to find Authorpella

Me: Hey guys what's the word on the street?

Jose: Well the word on the street is Solidarnosc. That means Solidarity in Polish. The Contessa sailed the queen over to a gulf near Poland where the solidarity movement was started by Lech Walesa in 1980 in a shipyard that's directly on the gulf Walesa later went on to become the president of Poland.

Me: Oh well Dziekuje (A/N: Polish for thank you and no I'm not a Polish-American, I'm an Italian-American)

Jose: Prosze (A/N 2: Polish for your welcome)

I go back inside.

Me: Well okay gumshoes name the gulf is it: The Gulf of Bothnia, Gulf of Finland, or Gulf of Gdansk? Remember the clues we just heard: Near Poland, solidarity movement, and Lech Walesa was president looks like every one is ready Kari what did you say?

Kari: Gulf of Gdansk

Me: Gulf of Gdansk okay Twister?

Twister: I said Gulf of Gdansk

Me: Okay and TK?

TK: Gulf of Gdansk

Me: You guys are amazing and you're all right again

Applause

Me: So that means that Kari you go up to 80 crime bucks, Twister you go up to 70 and TK also has 80 nice job however I just got a report saying that Contessa has left Poland and has fled to Spain….

Thunder and lightning

Me: Okay guys you know what that sound means it's time for the lightning round which means all of these questions will be about the Contessa's most recent known whereabouts which is Spain each correct answer will earn you 5 crime bucks so hands on your buzzers listen carefully and here we go: Spain is on a peninsula surrounded by six different bodies of water one of them is the Atlantic Ocean name another.

Middle buzzer

Me: Twister

Twister: Mediterranean Sea

Me: Mediterranean Sea is right nice job Twister

Applause

Me: Takes you up to 75 second question and listen carefully to this music

(A fast paced kind of music is being heard)

Me: This music is from a classic Spanish dance form is that dance called: Tango, polka, or flamenco?

Right buzzer

Me: TK

TK: Flamenco

Me: Flamenco is right

Applause

Me: Takes you up to 85 TK. Question three: Bars serve wide variety of foods in small servings for snacking which would you find on a topes menu is it: Baby turtles, fried baby eels, or baby frogs?

Left buzzer

Me: Kari

Kari: Baby frogs

Me: No it's not baby frogs

Middle buzzer

Me: Twister

Twister: Baby eels

Me: That's correct nice job

Applause

Me: So after three and the lightning round Kari and Twister have 80 crime bucks each and TK is now in the lead with 85 nice job guys…

Shelby: Airnaruto come into my office my fax machine is stuck again.

Me: I'll be right there excuse me guys looks like this fax could be important I'll be right back.

The scene changes to the chief's office where Shelby is trying to get a piece of paper out of the machine but she's having no luck.

Me: What's up chief?

Shelby: Airnaruto there's a fax in here but I can't get it out

I smack the machine and pull the fax out.

Me: Sometimes chief you have to smack it in the right spot.

Shelby: Read it to me.

Me: Are you sure?

Shelby: Yes is has to say something

Me: Okay but just remember you asked for it.

Me reading the fax message:

Dear Chief: You're a chump. You and your glum shoes still haven't found me or the Contessa. Catch me if you can with regards to ACME slime-net. Signed: Carmen San Diego.

After that it continues.

Shelby: Well read the extra part

Me: Alright. P.S.: Nanny-nanny pooh-pooh.

Shelby: Nanny-nanny pooh-pooh?

Me: I'm afraid so right here see.

Shelby: Nanny-nanny pooh-pooh all right that does it (We lean in towards the camera) Detectives…. (She glares at me)

Me: sorry

Shelby: The gumshoe who puts Carmen San Diego behind bars

Gets a free trip to anywhere in North America.

Applause

Shelby: Nanny-nanny pooh-pooh of all the nerve…

Me: You know chief I would never think you're a chump I mean you do have chump-like qualities from time to time….

Shelby glaring at me: Go away

Me: Chump…I mean check

The scene changes back to my office where I go to return to my post.

Me: Okay guys remember we're still looking for the Contessa and the Queen Mary now fortunately for us ACME bug-net has intercepted this phone conversation between the Contessa and Carmen San Diego watch.

A/N: Well that's it for this chapter gang and for the record the office sketch I used was done in the show's first season and I'm making this episode up as I go along kind of like I did with the feckless felons of Fenway anyway the sketch was when the prize for catching Carmen was a trip to anywhere in the continental US. So anyway next time the phone, tap, the chase, and the final clue of the round so until next time read, review, and remember as always the ACME triangle of excellence: vigilance, dedication, courage. See ya.


	26. The Case of the Missing Queen part 2

The Case of the Missing Queen part 2

The Case of the Missing Queen part 2

Well let's get back to work with the phone tap between Carmen and the Contessa

Contessa: Mama-Mia I'm getting seasick

Carmen: You don't have time to be sick Contessa ACME is on to you. Take the ship to a bay with the highest tides in the world up to 70 feet.

Contessa: Oh please no my poor stomach.

Carmen: Set your course northeast to the inlet between Nova Scotia and New Brunswick and take a bromo.

Contessa: Next time I'll take a plane

Me: Okay gumshoes to what bay Carmen did send the Contessa is it: Bay of Fundy, Hudson Bay, or the Chesapeake Bay? Remember the clues we heard: Highest tides in the world, and inlet in between Nova Scotia and New Brunswick. Looks like every body is ready Kari what did you say?

Kari: Bay of Fundy

Me: Okay Twister what about you?

Twister: The Hudson Bay

Me: And TK

TK: I also chose Bay Fundy

Me: Bay of Fundy the correct answer is the Bay of Fundy nice job Kari and TK

Applause

Me: So Kari you go up to 90, Twister you stay at 80 and TK you now have 95 crime bucks nice job but now I've received word that Contessa has left the Bay of Fundy so let's pick up the chase.

Authorpella: _Oooh The chase!_

Authorpella runs by with industrial construction tools in their hands with Ranger screaming what as they pass by

Ranger: What?

Me: We try our best around here anyway each correct answer will get you five crime bucks so hands on your buzzers watch the monitor and listen closely here we go. The Contessa sailed her ship to the capitol city of Manila name the country she's in.

Left buzzer

Me: Kari

Kari: The Philippines

Me: That's right five for you. She then sailed south to the 3rd largest island in the world name it.

Middle buzzer

Me: Twister

Twister: Java

Me: Sorry it's Borneo. From Borneo she took the queen northeast to Ho-chi-men city what county is she in now?

Left buzzer

Me: Kari

Kari: Vietnam

Me: That's correct. She then took the Queen Mary north to China name the river she sailed on to get there.

Right buzzer

Me: TK

TK: Yangtze

Me: That's correct finally she backtracked south to Cambodia name what river is she on now?

Middle buzzer

Me: Twister

Twister: Mekong

Me: Mekong is right so that means at the end of the chase round Kari has 95, Twister has 85, and TK has 100 ACME crime bucks nice job guys

Applause

Me: Now it's time for the final clue of this round which means you have to decide how much you want to risk if you're right we'll add that amount to your score but if you're wrong we'll subtract it from your score you can risk 0, 10, 20, 30, 40, or 50 ACME crime bucks take a look at the monitor please, here is a portion of the world where we think the Contessa is heading if you know a lot about this part of the world you may want to risk a lot but if you don't then you may might not want to risk quite so much so look at the map and think about it.

Authorpella: _Think, think, think, think, think about it. How much you gonna risk yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, think about it ooh!_

Me: Okay looks like everyone is ready for our last clue we turn to an informant from ACME Hogwarts-net Professor Snape what do you got?

Snape: Listen carefully gumshoes. The Contessa has taken the Queen Mary to Africa; she's on one of the longest rivers in the world. Its source is a small spring located in Burundi which then flows northward through five countries before emptying into the Mediterranean Sea now if you don't mind I'm late for an order meeting so farewell.

Me: That guy never seems to smile at anyone outside of the Slytherin house; anyway gumshoes name the river is it: The Zambezi River, the Zaire River, or the Nile River? Remember the clues we just got: In Africa, source is a small spring in Burundi, and flows through five countries before emptying into the Mediterranean Sea. Once you have your answers lay them in front of you and it looks like everyone has Twister we'll start with you. You had 85 Crime bucks entering this round before you show me your answer how much did you risk?

Twister: I risked 50 Crime bucks

Me: Whoa risking a lot huh well if you're right you'll take the lead what did you say?

Twister: I said the Nile

Me: And that is exactly right nice job

Applause

Me: That takes you to 135 Twister, Kari you had 95 crime bucks entering this round how much did you risk?

Kari: I risked 30

Me: Okay you'll go into second if you're right what did you say?

Kari: I said the Nile

Me: That's right nice job

Applause

Me: Takes you up to 125, TK you've been in the lead for the most part of before you show me your answer how much did you risk?

TK: I risked 30 also

Me: Interesting so if you're right then you and Twister will move on to the next round but if you're wrong Twister and your girlfriend will what did you say?

TK: I said the Nile

Me: And that is correct so you and Twister are moving on congratulations

Applause

Me: Listen Kari you were a great detective remember you're not going away empty handed we have something for you and here's what it is chief.

The scene changes to the chief's office

Shelby: It's the official ACME crime net travel pack and inside you'll find: An atlas, the official Carmen tee-shirt, a subscription to National Geographic World Magazine and our newest gadget the ACME recorder pen so you can write messages and leave them as well congratulations Kari.

Applause

Me: Thanks chief okay guys now we have to go to the Nile river and get the Queen Mary and catch the Contessa but before we go I want you to know that we don't send our agents out into the field unprepared chief how about a briefing?

Shelby: The boys down at ACME photo recon have put together a few slides on the Nile River have a look. The Nile river one of the longest rivers in the world and for the Contessa one of the best places to hide her lifted liner. First stop the Ptolemaic temple; these temples were built during the Greek and Roman Empires reigns over two thousand years ago check here for the Contessa. Next Pharaoh Zozer's step pyramid in Sakkara; built over 400 thousand years ago as a tomb for the pharaoh and it's believed that the step shapes on the outside were for Zozer reach heaven I still don't know if he made it.

Audience laughs

Shelby: Well Gumshoes that's your briefing The Contessa and the Queen Mary are somewhere along the banks of the Nile River go get em!

Me: Will do chief next time the jail time challenge round so remember; read review and the ACME triangle of excellence: vigilance, dedication, courage. See ya!


	27. The Case of the Missing Queen part 3

The Case of the Missing Queen Part 3

The Case of the Missing Queen Part 3

The gumshoes and I arrive at the Nile River.

Me: Okay guys here we are at the Nile River let me show you what we have. Here are the possible locations where you'll be able to find The Contessa, the Queen Mary, and a warrant for the Contessa's arrest. The first thing you'll need is the loot that's the evidence you need in order to get a warrant and once you get the warrant you can then arrest the crook if you connect all three of those things in that order in a single turn then you'll get a chance to try and catch Carmen San Diego and if you catch her then you'll win that trip to anywhere in North America one last thing you can pick any location you want to but if you find the loot, the warrant, or the crook, then you get a free turn okay. Twister you were ahead at the end of the last round you'll go first.

Twister: Aswan Dam

Me: Aswan Dam (far left bottom panel)

Two footprints

Me: Nothing there TK your turn

TK: St. Simeon's Monastery

Me: St. Simeon's Monastery (second left bottom panel)

Three footprints

Me: Nothing there your turn Twister

Twister: Step pyramid of Zozer

Me: Step pyramid of Zozer (third row right panel)

Authorpella: _Mary did you know?_

I laugh

Me: nice guys, anyway Twister nice job you found the loot so you'll get a free turn go ahead

Twister: Ptolemaic temple

Me: Ptolemaic Temple (second row second left panel)

Authorpella: _Contessa_

Me: Nice job Twister you have the loot you also have the Contessa but you need to remember it's loot, warrant, and then crook so be careful.

Twister: Obelisk

Me: Obelisk (Top row second left panel)

Two footprints

Me: Nothing there but you did find the loot and the crook Twister that's good TK your turn.

TK: Step pyramid of Zozer

Me: Step pyramid of Zozer

Authorpella: _Anchors away my boy!_

Me: I love the musical lines go ahead TK

TK: Fort Harun

Me: Fort Harun (Far left top panel)

One footprint

Me: Nothing there go ahead Twister

Twister: Step pyramid of Zozer

Me: Step pyramid of Zozer

Authorpella: _Yanked yacht_

Me: Go ahead Twister

Twister: Elephantine Island

Me: Elephantine Island (middle panel third row)

Authorpella: (balloons losing air)

I laugh

Me: And we have the sound of balloons losing air still trying to find that warrant your turn TK

TK: Step pyramid of Zozer

Me: Step pyramid of Zozer

Authorpella: _Over the sea let's go men!_

I laugh

Me: Go ahead TK

TK: Rock tombs

Me: Rock tombs (far right bottom panel)

Two footprints

Me: No we'll turn them around still trying to find that warrant your turn Twister.

Twister: Step pyramid of Zozer

Me: Step pyramid of Zozer

Authorpella: _From the halls of Montezuma_

Me: Nice touch guys. Go ahead Twister

Twister: Serapeum

Me: Which one?

Twister: Serapeum

Me: Oh Serapeum (far left panel second row)

Authorpella: _The warrant!_

Me: Hold on Twister…you have the loot; you have the warrant do you remember where the Contessa is?

Twister: Ptolemaic temple

Me: Is she still at the Ptolemaic temple?

Authorpella: _Contessa!_

Me: Yes!

Authorpella: _Ahoy_ (fanfare)

Confetti falls on Twister

Applause

Me: Come over here Twister you did it you caught the Contessa now just pull on this chain and put her in jail

Twister pulls the chain

(Foghorn blares)

The scene changes to Contessa getting put behind bars.

Authorpella: _Contessa's…in jail!_

Applause

Me: We'll talk about your next adventure in just a little bit but first TK listen you were a great detective you tracked Contessa all the way here we have some stuff for you chief.

Shelby: A gumshoe needs to be in touch with the whole world and world beat is the music of the 2000s that's why I'm giving you this collection of CDs from artists from all over the globe plus this CD with music from Authorpella including our theme song, and we've all chipped in to buy this portable CD player for your work on this case TK I salute you.

Applause

Me: Thanks chief. Okay Twister now you're going to get a chance to try and catch Carmen San Diego but before you do I have some paperwork for you to do here is our portfolio and inside you'll find a piece of paper and a pen I want you to write down where you would like to go if you catch Carmen and get that trip do it.

Authorpella: _Think, think, think, think, think about it. Where do you want to go think about it ooh_

Me: Nice choice but of course you know that only way you'll get to go there is if you catch Carmen the problem is we don't know where she has gone…

I get cut off by the phone ringing

Me: But I think this phone call may help us out hello? Yes he's right here hold on… (I turn to Twister) It's for you.

Twister: Hello?

Contessa: Prison life very dreadful; 600 cells and not a room service menu in sight. Tell Carmen this more than I can stand she went Africa.

Me: What did she say?

Twister: Carmen's in Africa

Me: Then that's where we're going chief.

Shelby: Here's a list of places Carmen may have traveled: Algeria, Burkina Faso, Lake Victoria, Egypt, Djibouti, Somalia, Central African Republic, Gabon, Botswana, Malawi, Kenya, South Africa, Madagascar Airnaruto lets go to the map!

Authorpella: I feel good!

Twister and I arrive at the map of Africa.

Audience cheering

Me: Alright Twister you know what this is about right?

Twister: Right.

Me: Let me explain for those may not know what you have to do is track Carmen San Diego through 8 different locations identifying each one with a marker now if you're right you'll hear this sound…

Siren blares

Me: But if you're wrong you'll hear this sound

Two-tone buzzer

Me: Now this is important if you hear that sound twice on one marker leave the marker where it is come on back and we'll continue but if you're right 8 times in 45 seconds or less then you will win that trip and one last thing if you're looking for a body of water look for this red arrow got it?

Twister: Yep

Me to the crowd: You guys good with that?

Audience: Yeah!

Me: Let's get into position Twister; grab a marker, lets put 45 seconds on the clock. Good luck Twister here we go on your mark get set go! Carmen went to Gabon

45, 44, 43, 42, 41, 40

Two-tone buzzer

Me: Try again Gabon

39, 38, 37, 36, 35

Two-tone buzzer

Me: No come on back

34, 33, 32

Me: Egypt

31, 30

Siren blares

Me: Yes

29, 28, 27

Me: Algeria you've got to hurry Twister

26, 25, 24, 23, 22

Siren blares

Me: yes!

21, 20, 19, 18

Me: Carmen went to Somalia

17, 16, 15, 14, 13

Siren blares

Me: Yes that's three

12, 11, 10

Me: Botswana

9, 8, 7, 6, 5,

Two-tone buzzer

Me: No try it again

4, 3, 2

Two-tone buzzer

Me: No come back

1, 0

Buzzer goes off

Me: Oh 3 in 45 seconds give him a round of applause guys

Audience applauds Twister for his effort

Newspaper headline reads: Carmen escapes again

Me: Twister listen sometimes Carmen is just real tough to catch but listen you won today because you did what we asked you to do you caught the Contessa that's not bad chief what do you say?

Shelby: We're all proud of the work you did today. I here by upgrade you Twister you are now a sleuth congratulations (holds magnifying glass up to her eye)

Applause

Me: And now that you're a sleuth you also get this official Carmen San Diego sleuth jacket Twister here you go.

Twister: Thanks

Me: Listen Twister you've done a lot of great stuff for us today there's one last thing you have to do you know what it is…..

Everyone: DO IT AUTHORPELLA!

Authorpella is sitting in the audience in the North Pole section before DM gets up and starts to sing.

DM: _Well, she sneaks around the world from Kiev to Carolina;  
she's a sticky-fingered filcher from Berlin down to Belize.  
She'll take you for a ride on a slow boat to China. Tell me_

X and Ranger: _Where in the world is…_

Jose: _Carmen San Diego?_

Ranger: _Steal their Seoul in South Korea, Make Antarctica cry "Uncle," from the  
Red Sea to Greenland, they'll be singing the blues.  
Well they never Arkansas her steal the Mekong from the jungle. Tell me_

Jose: _Where in the world is…_

X and Ranger: _Carmen San Diego?_

X, Ranger, and DM: _She goes from Nashville to Norway, Bonaire to Zimbabwe,  
Chicago, to Czech and Slovakia and back!_

Ranger and DM: _Well, she'll ransack Pakistan, and run a scam in Scandinavia,  
and then she'll stick 'em up down under and go pick-pocket Perth.  
She put the "Miss" in misdemeanor when she stole the beans from Lima. Tell me_

Ranger and X: _Where in the world is…_

Jose: _Carmen San Diego?_

Ranger: _Oh tell me…_

All four now head into the center of the map with the crowd and the dance craze begins

All four and the crowd: _Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? (7 times)_

The scene then changes to the Chief's office where Shelby is playing air drums before she notices the camera

Shelby: This is Shelby Pytlak speaking for "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" and remember: if you're a villain we'll burst your bubble. When crooks meet ACME their troubles double.

The scene changes back to the map with the crowd singing while I say.

Me: A little louder.

The scene then gives an overhead view of everything before it fades to black.

Me: Man first time in a while that Carmen has managed to escape but hey that was the reason I had Twister move on to try and catch her anyway. Well folks that does it for this episode so read, review and remember the ACME triangle of excellence: vigilance, dedication, courage. See ya next time folks


	28. Series Finale: Copped like an Egyptian

Series Finale: Copped like an Egyptian

Series Finale: Copped like an Egyptian

The audience roars with applause as Shelby prepares for her usual opening line.

Shelby: All these people want to know…

Authorpella: _Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?_

The scene changes to inside chief's office where Shelby is standing with hundreds of gumshoes sitting in front of the desk.

Shelby: And one of these gumshoes could find her.

Jose: He's been to New Zealand, Canada, and Hawaii, likes, skateboarding, hockey, snowboarding, and surfing meet Otto Rocket.

Applause

Jose: She's into volleyball and likes hanging around with her friends meet Juniper Lee

Applause

Jose: He's been around the globe, wants to become an astronaut and likes hanging with his buddies meet Danny Fenton.

Applause

The scene changes to the alley where Authorpella is unceremoniously carrying me to door.

Shelby: And this is ACME senior agent in charge of training new recruits Airnaruto45

Applause

Me: Hi folks

I turn to the gumshoes and slap five with them.

Me: Hey Danny, Hey June, hey Otto thanks so much and they're with me everyday.

Authorpella: _Authorpella (rim shot)_

Applause

Me: And I just want to remind you guys that if one you are able to catch Carmen San Diego today you'll get that trip to anywhere in North America and that's not bad.

Applause

Me: Okay let's get started with our first thing chief who're we going after?

The monitor then displays a wanted poster for a young woman with a multicolored Mohawk, piercing in her ears and nose, a ripped white shirt, purple leg high roller boots, torn black jeans and a black coat her name Sarah Nade Carmen San Diego's punk rocking pilferer.

Shelby: This is Sarah Nade

Authorpella: _Sarah Nade!_

Shelby: Rings in her ears, rings through her nose when lifts loot for Carmen anything goes her last known whereabouts: Giza, Egypt.

The scene changes to the chief's office while Shelby describes the case to the gumshoes.

Shelby: The Great pyramids in Giza are one of the seven wonders of the ancient world built as tombs for the ancient pharaohs over 4500 years ago the three in Giza belong to the pharaohs Khufu, Khafre, and Menkaura. They were built out bricks made from various types of rocks but only Khafre's tomb has retained its limestone base pollution and the sacking of Egypt by the Greeks and the Romans have taken their toll on the monuments but they are the only wonders of the ancient world that are still standing or they were until today.

The scene changes to Sarah Nade driving a three wide flatbed truck up to where the pyramids were so she could steal them.

Shelby: When Sarah Nade Driving a three wide flatbed truck backed up into the pyramids, loaded them up and made a quick getaway with them apparently she plans to clear out the pharaoh's belongings so she can turn them into roller rinks. Gumshoes you've got a job to do Stop Sarah, bring back the burial grounds and seal the lid on today's case…..

Authorpella: Ooh!

Shelby: Copped like an Egyptian!

Applause

Me: Alright gang we're after Sarah Nade and the pyramids so first off we'll give each of you 50 ACME crime bucks every time you answer a question correctly we'll give you 10 more crime bucks and the two of you with the highest scores at the end of this round will move on to the next round so for our first clue we turn to ACME Avatar-net agent the overly passionate carnivore Sokka.

Sokka: Okay gumshoes listen up Sarah's taken the pyramids to a city in India that's considered the country's movie Mecca where you'll find the RK movie studios which cranks out over 6800 movies a year 3 times as many as Hollywood. However the city is extremely over populated make sure you have some rupees on you that's all I know good luck.

Me: Thanks Sokka okay gumshoes name the city is it: Beijing, Bangkok, or Bombay? Remember the clues we just heard in India, RK movie studios and rupee s currency. Come up with an answer as quick as you can and it looks like everybody's ready Danny what did you say?

Danny: I said Bombay

Me: Bombay, June?

June: Bombay

Me: and Otto

Otto: Bombay

Me: Everyone says the same thing and everybody's right nice job gang

Applause

Me: So everyone now has 60 crime bucks and I just want to remind everyone that all of our answers have been confirmed by National Geographic world

Authorpella: _National Geographic world_

Me: For our next clue….

I get cut off by some crying in the alley

Me: Hold on that's the unmistakable sound of scuttlebutt come on let's check the word on the street.

I open the door to find Authorpella sitting near the newsstand with onions in their hands and tissue boxes near DM, X, Jose, and Dimension dude.

Me: Hey fellas what's the word on the street?

Ranger: Hey dude the word on the street is "onion"

On onion the rest of Authorpella starts crying.

Other members of Authorpella: (Crying)

Ranger: Sarah went to a town on the North pacific US coast where they grow a special kind of sweet onion. These babies are so soft they have to pick them by hand but they're so mild that you can bite into one like an apple.

Ranger bites into the onion.

Rest of Authorpella: (Crying)

Ranger: The city is east of the Cascade Mountains and Italian immigrants came to the town because of its mild climate and just last year the onion that got its name from the valley and the town was named the state vegetable.

Me: Cool and thanks for the info guys.

Ranger: (starts crying) Sure thing now go get her!

I head back inside.

Me: Okay gumshoes name the city is it: Walla Walla, Washington, Portland, Oregon, or Vancouver British Columbia Canada? Remember the clues we just heard: Northwest Pacific US coast, special kind of sweet onion, and east of the Cascade Mountains looks like everybody is ready Danny what did you say?

Danny: Portland

Me: Portland okay June

June: Walla Walla

Me: And Otto

Otto: Vancouver

Me: Well the correct answer we were looking for is Walla Walla nice job June.

Applause

Me: So Otto and Danny stay at 60 and June goes up to 70 crime bucks nice job for our next clue…..

Blub, blub, blub, blub

Me: Wait a minute that sound can only mean one of tow things: either I left fudge on the stove or it's time for the plastic diver guy! ( I get a divers mask)

Authorpella: _Go, go, go! He lives a life of danger our underwater ranger the one and only plastic diver guy!_

The scene changes to the fish tank.

Me: What's up PDG? (I start swimming around)

PDG: I saw Sarah on an island in the Eastern Mediterranean. This place has one of the oldest recorded histories anywhere. There are records from as far back as the 12th century BCE, but the Greek and Turkish communities on the island have never really gotten along in 1974 the Turks took over the northern third of the island then in 1983 they declared independence from the Greek run government in the south.

Authorpella: Oh no, no, no, no, no!

PDG: Oh no Airnaruto it's the ominous music. I've shouldn't have gotten out of bed this morning it's….Aaaah!

At that moment an electric Wisk descends into the tank and starts blending PDG and destroying him.

TO BE CONTINUED

Authorpella:_ The one and only plastic diver guy!_

Me to the audience: Come on plastic diver guy let's hear it come on.

Applause.

Me: Okay gumshoes name the island is it: Sicily, Crete or Cyprus? Remember the clues: East Mediterranean, Greek and Turkish conflict, and oldest recorded history looks like everyone is ready Danny what did you say?

Danny: Cyprus

Me: Okay June?

June: Cyprus

Me: And Otto?

Otto: Cyprus

Me: Everyone says the same thing and everyone is right nice job gang

Applause

Me: So everybody Danny has 70 crime bucks, June has 80 and Otto has 70 crime bucks and now it's time for one of my favorite part of the show the lightning round!

Thunder and lightning!

Me: Each correct answer will get you guys 5 crime bucks so hands on your buzzers listen carefully here we go. First question although the Greek and Turkish communities have never gotten along they agree on the capitol city is the city: Sardis, Sparta, or Nicosia?

Right buzzer

Me: Otto

Otto: Um…Nicosia?

Me: Nicosia is right five for you

Applause

Me: Question 2: How many countries other than the Turkish third of Cyprus recognize the Turkish community as an independent nation is it 50, 25, or 0?

Middle buzzer

Me: Juniper

June: None

Me: That's correct five for you

Applause

Me: Question 3: Many people in the early Christian church that lived in Cyprus were ministered by what apostle was the apostle: Peter, Paul, or Matthew

Right buzzer

Me: Otto

Otto: Paul

Me: That's correct Otto

Applause

Me: So after three and the lightning round Danny has 70, June has 85, and Otto has 80 crime bucks….

Shelby: Airnaruto my office now

Me: On my way chief excuse me guys I'll be right back.

The scene changes to the chief's office.

Me: What's up chief

Shelby: I need a quarter for the ice machine.

Me: what you only needed me to give you a quarter for the ice machine?

Shelby: No that was the first thing I needed you for.

Me: Okay here

I hand her two peculiar coins

Shelby: Airnaruto what are these I've never seen coins like these before.

Me: They're 12 and a half cent pieces Nixon on the front and Agnew on the back.

Shelby: Airnaruto the ice machine won't take these.

Me: Oh okay then try these

Shelby: Okay a dime and….Airnaruto this coin has Millard Fillmore on it.

Me: Chief it's a 15 cent piece plus the dime makes 25 cents its simple math

Shelby: Fillmore on the front and oh there's a motto on the back.

Me: What's it say?

Shelby: It says: Every time you read the story write down what got stolen and from where, when you've collected four loots and locations put them on a postcard with your name and address and send it to this address ACME crime-net PO box 1199 Kannapolis NC 28083. Every day we'll pick five people whose lists are correct and send each of them a Carmen tee-shirt this is only for fun not the real deal.

Me: That's incredibly small print

Shelby: It sure is.

Me: Here's who won today

Today's winners: Dumb Donald Philadelphia Pennsylvania, Eddie Valentine Ocean Shores, California, Brick Flagg, Middleton Colorado, Dib Membrane, Roswell New Mexico, Corey Baxter Washington DC

Me: Congratulations to the winners hey chief here's one I'm really proud of.

I hand her a coin

Shelby: Ozzy Osborne?

Me: Yep negative 35 cent piece.

Shelby: Airnaruto I still can't use these coins in the ice machine. Oh there's an interesting motto on the back of this one it says "Airnarutous scramous outous"

Me: Let me see that "Airnarutous scramous outous" I'm going to go look this one up chief.

Shelby: You do that Airnaruto

I leave the office with a Latin to English dictionary in my hand

I realize that Airnarutous scramous outous translated to Airnaruto go away.

Me: Funny. Okay guys remember we're still looking for Sarah and the pyramids but luckily for us ACME bug-net has just intercepted this phone Conversation between Sarah Nade and Carmen San Diego watch.

Me: We'll get to the phone tap next time so read review and remember the ACME triangle of excellence: vigilance, dedication, courage. See ya!


	29. Copped like an Egpytian part 2

Copped like an Egyptian part 2

Copped like an Egyptian part 2

It's time to go to the phone tap.

Sarah's music is blaring over the phone.

Carmen: Turn that music down. ACME is up to something I want to you to take the pyramids to a group of islands northeast of Cape Horn

Sarah: Charming Carmen I've always wanted a horn section.

Carmen: No Cape Horn in South America the islands are controlled by Britain but Argentina tried to capture them in 1982.

Sarah: I know the place I'm rolling on my way there see ya boss gal.

Sarah hangs up

Carmen: I speak 12 languages but I never understand a word she says.

Me: Okay gumshoes name the island group is it: South Sandwich Islands, Falkland Islands, or South Orkney islands? Remember the clues we heard: In South America, Northeast of Cape Horn, and Argentina tried to capture the islands in 1982 looks like everybody is ready Danny what did you say?

Danny: I said the Falkland Islands

Me: Okay the Falkland Islands June what did you say

June: Falkland Islands

Me: And Otto

Otto: Falkland Islands

Me: Everyone said the same thing and everybody is right nice job gang

Applause

Me: So Danny you go to 80, June has 95, and Otto has 90 crime bucks nice job for our next clue….

I get cut off by a knock on the door

Me: Yeah come in

Ranger comes in dressed in his dying informant costume then he walks to the middle of the floor where the dying informant outline is and falls in it but then has to readjust his body to fit within the outline.

Me: I think we've got a problem

I run over to Ranger.

Me: Okay buddy what happened?

Ranger: I saw Sarah and the pyramids at a Japanese capitol (passes out)

Me: Japanese capitol you mean Tokyo was she in Tokyo?

Ranger: No the former capitol just north of Osaka (Passes out again)

Me: Come on buddy we need just a little bit more don't die on us yet.

Ranger: It's the home of the golden pavilion oh mama! (Passes out again)

Me: I think my watch just stopped.

Audience laughs

Me: Okay guys name the city is it: Sapporo, Kyoto, or Nagasaki? Remember the clues we got from the dying informant: Former Japanese capitol, North of Osaka, and home of the golden pavilion. Looks like everybody is ready Danny what did you say?

Danny: Kyoto

Me: Okay June

June: Kyoto

Me: and Otto what did you say

Otto: Kyoto

Me: Everybody is right once again folks

Applause

Me: So Danny now has 90 June has 105 and Otto has 100 nice job guys but now I just received word that Sarah has left Kyoto so it's time to pick up the chase

Authorpella: _Ooh the chase!_

DM is seen with a fly swatter in his hand chasing around a fly trying to kill it.

Me: We try our best around here. Anyway all correct answers are going to be worth 5 crime bucks so hands on your buzzers watch the monitor and listen carefully here we go: Sarah skated the pyramids to the birth place of Walt Disney name the state she's in.

Middle buzzer

Me: June

June: Missouri

Me: That's correct; she then headed west to the capitol of Kansas name it.

Right buzzer

Me: Otto

Otto: Kansas City

Me: Sorry it's Topeka; she then headed northeast to Des Moines what state is she in now?

Right buzzer

Me: Otto

Otto: Iowa

Me: Right; she then headed to Nebraska what river did she go across?

Middle buzzer

Me: June

June: Missouri

Me: Right; finally she headed to the Harley Davidson plant name the state she's in.

Left buzzer

Me: Danny

Danny: Wisconsin

Me: correct; so that means at the end of the chase round Danny has 95, June has 115, and Otto 110 crime bucks give them a hand folks.

Applause

Me: Now it's time for the final clue of this round which means you have to decide how much you want to risk; you can risk 0, 10, 20, 30, 40, or 50 ACME crime bucks take a look at the monitor please here is a portion of the world where we think Sarah is heading so if you know a lot about this part of the world you may want to risk a lot but if you don't know so much about this part of the world then you may not want to risk quite so much so look at the map and think about it.

Authorpella: _Think, think, think, think, think about it. How much you gonna risk yeah, yeah, yeah think about it ooh!_

Me: Okay everybody is ready for our last clue….

The voice (Jose): Airnaruto who's that?

Me: This oh this is Ranger we usually have a crew that picks him up….

Voice: You want to see something special?

Me: Sure

Voice: watch this. Yo, yo, Ranger rise.

Ranger gets back up.

Ranger: I feel great!

Me: Ladies and gentlemen Ranger the dying informant is alive!

Applause as Ranger leaves

Me: That was great.

Voice: Thanks but listen I have something to tell you.

Me: Okay

Voice: Sarah's taken the pyramids to Table Mountain near one of the two capital cities of South Africa. If she's not there look for her in the diamond mines near the coasts.

Me: got it; Okay gumshoes name the city is it: Cape Town, Harare, or Maputo? Remember the clues we heard: one of two capital cities, in South Africa, and diamond mines looks like everybody is ready Danny we'll start with you. You had 95 crime bucks going into this round before you show me your answer how much did you risk?

Danny: I risked 40 crime bucks

Me: Okay that will take you to 135 if you're right what did you say?

Danny: I said Cape Town

Me: Cape Town is right nice job Danny

Applause

Me: Takes you up to 135. Otto you had 110 crime bucks how much did you risk?

Otto: I risked 30 crime bucks

Me: Okay what did you say?

Otto: Cape Town

Me: That is exactly right nice job Otto

Applause

Me: Take you Otto to 140. Juniper you've been in the lead for most of the game with 115 crime bucks how much did you risk?

Juniper: I risked 30

Me: Okay so if you're right than you and Otto will move on to the next round what did you say?

June: I said Cape Town

Me: And that is correct with 145 crime bucks June you and Otto are moving on congratulations

Applause

Me: Danny listen you were a great detective here's what we have for you on your next case chief.

Shelby: Thanks for all your help in finding Sarah Nade so as a token of our appreciation we've assembled this ACME gumshoe gear and it includes: an atlas, the ACME crime net cap with the logo in front, a Carmen tee shirt, a subscription to National Geographic World magazine and this cool secret message pen so now you can write and record important messages to yourself or another gumshoe congratulations Danny.

Applause

A/N: Well gang that's it for this chapter next time the jail time challenge and the bonus round so read, review, and remember the ACME triangle of excellence; vigilance, dedication, courage; because next time we'll begin the crime net countdown; 5 are the sense you need 4 putting crooks on the run, 3 rounds to fight against greed 2 be sure justice has 1. See ya


	30. Copped like an Egyptian part 3

Copped like an Egyptian part 3

Copped like an Egyptian part 3

Me to June and Otto: Okay guys time for us to head t South Africa so were going to modem ourselves there so take a deep breath ad hang on.

Shelby: Airnaruto are you and the gumshoes ready to modem?

Me: That we are chief let's do it.

We all take deep breaths and then vanish before reappearing at a sign that says Cape Town South Africa.

Me: Okay here we are in South Africa you guys go over there, I'll be over here and the chief will be up there in a moment chief what do you have for us?

Shelby: Okay gumshoes there are 15 places here in South Africa where you might find Sarah the warrant or the pyramids here's a few of them. First scan the skylines of Cape Town one of South Africa's two capitol cities with Table Mountain in the background, this miner is drilling for gold and South Africa produces more of it than any other country in the world. Next try finding Sarah in theses traditional homes but you'll have to do some serious spying to find her among all those bright colors. Finally I'll bet she won't pass up a chance to join an ostrich race I mean riding on a bird that can travel 60 miles an hour would be enough to put a scream on anyone's face but gumshoes now is not the time to bury your head in the sand. Sarah is running around with three pinched pyramids; bust her, book her, then bring her on in.

Me: Will do chief. Okay guys just as a reminder; loot warrant and then crook in that order June you were ahead at the end of the last round you go first.

June: Ada elephant national park

Me: Ada elephant national park (right panel third row)

Three footprints

Authorpella: (balloons losing air)

Me: Ha-ha, nothing there turn it back around your turn Otto

Otto: cape of Good Hope

Me: Cape of Good Hope (2nd left panel bottom row)

Two footprints

Me: Nothing there turn it around June your turn

June: Table Mountain

Me: Table Mountain (2nd right panel bottom row)

Authorpella:_ The warrant_

Me: Nice job June you found the warrant you'll get a free turn but remember it's loot, warrant, then crook so be careful.

June: Ada elephant national park

Me: Nice choice Ada elephant national park.

Authorpella: (Balloons losing air)

Me: Nice strategy we'll turn both of them back around Otto your turn

Otto: Robin Island

Me: Robin Island (far left top row panel)

Authorpella: _Copped sarcophagi_

Me: Nice job Otto you found the loot you get a free turn go ahead

Otto: Table Mountain

Me: Table Mountain

Authorpella: _The warrant_

Me: You sir have the loot and the warrant you just need to find Sarah Nade.

Otto: Kimberley diamond mines (left panel 3rd row)

Me: Is Sarah at the Kimberly diamond mines?

Three footprints

Jose: No, no, no, no

Me: nice effect nothing there June your turn

June: Robin Island

Me: Robin Island

Authorpella: _Burgled Burials_

Me: Go ahead June

June: Table Mountain

Me: Table Mountain

Authorpella: _The warrant_

Me: Okay June can you find Sarah Nade?

June: Zulu university

Me: Is Sarah Nade at the Zulu university (2nd right panel second row)

Two footprints

DM: Ah education but no!

Me: Nothing there Otto your turn

Otto: Robin Island

Me: Robin Island

Authorpella: _Pilfered pyramids_

Otto: Table Mountain

Me: Table Mountain

Authorpella: The warrant

Me: Okay Otto can you find Sarah Nade?

Otto: Cango Caves

Me: Is Sarah Nade at the Cango caves? (Far left bottom panel)

Authorpella: _Sarah Nade!_

Me: Yes!

Authorpella: _Rest in peace (fanfare)_

Confetti falls on Otto

Applause

Me: way to go Otto listen go over there pull on that chain and put Sarah in jail.

Otto pulls the chain (Fog horn blares)

The scene changes to Sarah getting put behind bars.

Authorpella: _Sarah Nade's in jail!_

Me to Otto: We'll talk in a little bit Otto but first June you were a great detective we have something for you chief.

Shelby: Good Detective work is a team effort and today you made a huge contribution Juniper, that's why I'm awarding you all of this great gumshoe gear and two of these ACME secret senders so you and a fellow gumshoe can zap messages to one another through the air it can also store phone numbers and be used to control your TV and VCR it's a great gift for a job well done congratulations

Applause

Me: Thanks chief okay Otto now it's time for you to do some paper work inside this portfolio is a piece of paper and a pen I want you to write down where you would want to go if you catch Carmen San Diego and get that trip hit boys.

Authorpella: _Think, think, think, think, think about it. Where do you want to go? Think about it ooh!_

Me: Nice choice now we just need to know where Carmen has gone…

Phone rings

Me: And I think this phone call might help us out hello? Yes he's right here (I turn to Otto) it's for you.

Otto: Hello?

Sarah: Oh man this prison is heinous. The guards keep playing Michael Bolton tapes. Get Carmen in here she'll make them stop she scooted to Europe.

Me: What did she say?

Otto: Europe

Me: Then that's where we're going chief what can you tell us?

Shelby: Here's a list of places Carmen may have traveled: Portugal, Scotland, Iceland, Germany, Finland, Baltic Sea, Greece, Poland, Russia, Lithuania, Moldova, Bosnia & Herzegovina, Slovakia. Airnaruto let's go to the map!

Authorpella: I feel good! (Scatting)

Otto arrive at the map of Europe

Applause

Me: You know what to do right Otto?

Otto: right

Me: Let me just explain to those who may not know what you have to do is track Carmen San Diego through 8 different locations identifying each one with a marker if your right you'll hear this sound.

Siren blares

Me: But if you're wrong you'll hear this sound

Two-tone buzzer

Me: Now if you're wrong two times leave the marker where it is come on back and we'll continue but if you're right 8 times in 45 seconds then you'll win the trip one last thing if you're looking for a body of water look for a red arrow got it?

Otto: Got it

Me: Are you guys ready

Audience: Yeah

Me: Okay Otto grab your first marker, put 45 seconds on the clock. Good luck Otto on your mark get set go. Carmen went Olympia Greece

45, 44, 43, 42

Siren blares

Me: Yes come on

41, 40, 39, 38

Me: Helsinki Finland

37, 36, 35

Siren blares

Me: Yeah

34, 33, 32

Me: Moscow Russia

31, 30

Siren blares

Me: Yeah

29, 28

Me: Baltic Sea

27, 26, 25

Siren blares

Me: Yeah

24, 23, 22

Me: Moldova hurry Otto

21, 20, 19

Siren blares

Me: Yes

18, 17, 16

Me: Iceland

15, 14, 13, 12

Siren blares

Me: Yes

11, 10, 9

Me: Poland hurry

8, 7, 6

Siren blares

Me: Yes!

5, 4, 3

Me: Edinburgh Scotland hurry Otto

2, 1, 0

Me: Did he make it in time judges?

Siren blares

Me: Yes!

Sirens and bells go off

Newspaper headline reads: Otto Rocket captures Carmen with Carmen's photo being covered by jail bars

Me: My buddy you did it how do you feel?

Otto: Great

Me: You should because a moment ago you wrote down where you wanted to go if you caught Carmen San Diego and you did that means you and a parent are going to…..Calgary, Alberta Canada.

Authorpella: Let's get packing

Me: Nice job pal listen you've done a lot of great stuff but there's one more thing you have to do you know what it is.

Everyone: DO IT AUTHORPELLA!

Authorpella is now going through the main game area singing their little tune.

DM:_ Well, she sneaks around the world from Kiev to Carolina;  
she's a sticky-fingered filcher from Berlin down to Belize.  
She'll take you for a ride on a slow boat to China. Tell me_

X and Ranger: _Where in the world is…_

Jose: _Carmen San Diego?_

Ranger: _Steal their Seoul in South Korea, Make Antarctica cry "Uncle," from the  
Red Sea to Greenland, they'll be singing the blues.  
Well they never Arkansas her steal the Mekong from the jungle. Tell me_

Jose: _Where in the world is…_

X and Ranger: _Carmen San Diego?_

X, Ranger, and DM: _She goes from Nashville to Norway, Bonaire to Zimbabwe,  
Chicago, to Czech and Slovakia and back!_

Ranger and DM: _Well, she'll ransack Pakistan, and run a scam in Scandinavia,  
and then she'll stick 'em up down under and go pick-pocket Perth.  
She put the "Miss" in misdemeanor when she stole the beans from Lima. Tell me_

Ranger and X: _Where in the world is…_

Jose: _Carmen San Diego?_

Ranger: _Oh tell me…_

All five of them now head to the map and begin interacting with the crowd while DM sits in barbers chair and has freaky Fred (Courage the cowardly dog) cut his braids off while the group is either singing or dancing.

All five and the crowd: _Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? (7 times)_

The scene then changes to the Chief's office where Shelby is playing air drums before she notices the camera

Shelby: This is Shelby Pytlak speaking for "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" and remember the ACME triangle of excellence: Vigilance, dedication, courage.

The scene changes back to the map with the crowd singing while I say.

Me: A little louder.

The scene then gives an overhead view of everything before it fades to black.

A/N: For those who don't get the whole DM getting his braids snipped of it's a reference to the series finale of the original WITWICS episode a rodent ran through it where Sean Altman the original lead tenor of the group had his braids being trimmed by a barber during the dance thing.

Me: Well that's it for this remake of one the greatest kids TV game shows of all time this episode goes out to Soniciscool112 so folks it was fun while it lasted always remember the ACME triangle of excellence: vigilance, dedication, courage also remember to read and review see ya.


End file.
